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Halloween bullshit


Prepuce of Doom

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The shot you’re set to receive this week is merely fluid extracted from the evil gourd’s fomenting pustules.  All you’re getting is an invitation to play host to the end times of mankind.  After you receive your vaccination shot and the pumpkin offspring tears itself out of your chest cavity to scamper across the patch at the next full moon...remember you were warned.   What do you think it’s doing under the snow right now, your taxes?
 

it’s plotting, growing stronger, marshaling resources.  While you’re dicking around at Walgreens  

Edited by Lobo
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  • 4 weeks later...

I like that it doesn't worry you that the stalk grew a bit while it was under the snow.  That's totally normal, right?  You're delusional man.  Those phone calls you get about your student loans, car's extended warranty, etc.  Those calls are coming from inside the fence. 

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Looks like it developed a nice patina while trapped under ice. 

Every subsequent update could be the last - Mrs. Doom has renewed her objection to the malevolent demonic occupation taking place in our backyard, and I worry that some fear-based and small-minded treachery may eventually occur. 

20210304_125508.jpg

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2 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Looks like it developed a nice patina while trapped under ice. 

Every subsequent update could be the last - Mrs. Doom has renewed her objection to the malevolent demonic occupation taking place in our backyard, and I worry that some fear-based and small-minded treachery may eventually occur. 

20210304_125508.jpg

Do you have a deep freezer out in the garage?  Because it looks just about right to freeze and bust out and Oct 27th this fall.  

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20 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

seriously dude, its time for the cleansing fire.

 

 

Are you my wife? 

51 minutes ago, davidg said:

Do you have a deep freezer out in the garage?  Because it looks just about right to freeze and bust out and Oct 27th this fall.  

I fully intend to display it this fall if 1) Mrs. Doom doesn't destroy it in the aforementioned cleansing fire, and 2) it hasn't turned into soup by then. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...

April was not very kind to our friend.

The warmer weather seems to have accelerated the dessication process such that it's now mostly just a very lightweight shell, though the outermost surface remains structurally inflexible. It has the same heft to it as something of equivalent size made out of papier-mâché.

When I went back to the corner of the yard to survey the situation, it was at a bit of a cockeyed angle - seems like the wind had most likely disturbed it. 

 

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20210501_144954.jpg

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1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

April was not very kind to our friend.

The warmer weather seems to have accelerated the dessication process such that it's now mostly just a very lightweight shell, though the outermost surface remains structurally inflexible. It has the same heft to it as something of equivalent size made out of papier-mâché.

When I went back to the corner of the yard to survey the situation, it was at a bit of a cockeyed angle - seems like the wind had most likely disturbed it. 

 

20210501_144935.jpg

20210501_144954.jpg


That is awesome. Pos rep.

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18 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

April was not very kind to our friend.

The warmer weather seems to have accelerated the dessication process such that it's now mostly just a very lightweight shell, though the outermost surface remains structurally inflexible. It has the same heft to it as something of equivalent size made out of papier-mâché.

When I went back to the corner of the yard to survey the situation, it was at a bit of a cockeyed angle - seems like the wind had most likely disturbed it. 

 

20210501_144935.jpg

20210501_144954.jpg

Do we need a betting pool for if your demonic backyard overlord survives through May?

 

In a somewhat related question, have you been having strange dreams or very difficult to control urges? 
 

We may need a young priest and an old priest...

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On 4/2/2021 at 10:19 PM, Scheiss Meister said:

It looks like it's praying for the sweet release of death.

From its start terrifying children, through it's slow deterioration to it's now ghastly appearance characterized by a pallid skin tone with barely recognizable facial structures, I can't help but draw comparisons to Michael Jackson's career arc. I'd hide the benzos and sedatives if you want any chance of that thing making it to Oct '21.

Edited by Blotto
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  • 1 month later...

I drink to Cardinal Pumpkin for the third, and final time, tonight. 

Once a Cardinal, Always a Cardinal.

 

Another idea for Prepuce's pumpkin carcass.  Place it on a neighbor's front porch in the weeks leading up to Halloween with a half-smoked cigar dangling out of the "mouth."  And on the wrapper of the cigar, write so they can only read it after taking the cigar out..."How did you know I have dry leprosy?"  

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7 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Like I don't have like 10 of those shiny, satin-ey fuckers already, except mine are store bought for god knows how much money.

What fun is that?! Fresh punkins every year. Shiny gold and silver spray paint. Glitter on top of that. The gayness comes out ... not that's there's anything wrong with that!

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3 minutes ago, Lidig8r said:

What fun is that?! Fresh punkins every year. Shiny gold and silver spray paint. Glitter on top of that. The gayness comes out ... not that's there's anything wrong with that

Seriously? You think my wife isn't buying real ones too? In addition to those giant carving fuckers and the wolf ones, she gets a bunch of those weird green ones and pink ones and fairy tale ones and stacks them up line a snowmen. 

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14 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Seriously? You think my wife isn't buying real ones too? In addition to those giant carving fuckers and the wolf ones, she gets a bunch of those weird green ones and pink ones and fairy tale ones and stacks them up line a snowmen. 

That is just all sorts of greatness.

You need to write a book about your Missus. It would be epic.

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On 6/5/2021 at 10:31 PM, Longhornstampede said:

Sooooo....this gives me the idea of carving pumpkins in July or August and letting sit in the back yard waiting for their Halloween terror instilling debut on my front porch, where nary a child approach for fear of contracting some hideous infection.

I celebrate this idea, but where the hell do you get pumpkins in July or August?

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  • 2 weeks later...

July update. 

Advancing decrepitude, but still fighting the good fight. Seems to be benefitting from all the shade. 

Installed a protective barrier to guard against an errant basketball which would likely prove catastrophic if not fatal - at least to the extent that the undead can die. 

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Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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