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Shart 2023: The Quickening


Prepuce of Doom

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Most likely just a spectator in this literal shitshow this year. Don't (can't) drink anymore and the diet has become slightly more healthy, or at least more discriminating. So despite having black coffee, bacon, eggs (runny yolks) and fruit for breakfast this morning.... I'm not even worried anymore.

Calling my shart-shot on January 1.

Longhornstampede: 365

Shart: 0

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1 hour ago, Longhornstampede said:

Most likely just a spectator in this literal shitshow this year. Don't (can't) drink anymore and the diet has become slightly more healthy, or at least more discriminating. So despite having black coffee, bacon, eggs (runny yolks) and fruit for breakfast this morning.... I'm not even worried anymore.

Calling my shart-shot on January 1.

Longhornstampede: 365

Shart: 0

just takin' it one day at a time.

 

like the drunks do.

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4 hours ago, RPM said:

Took 16 hours. Benchmark.

OK, you’re saying you put the first one on the board?  Details.

still getting much of my nutrition from liquid goo (son calls it Soylent green).  Haven’t had a firm shit in almost a month.  So I’m always riding the razor’s edge.  But I know way better than to try to squeak out any gas.  Odds would not be in my favor.

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Haven’t been feeling great after a few days of celebration, but assumed it was just hungover and tired. I woke up to a horrific shart in the bed at about 2:00am last night. Spent the next several hours on and off the toilet with terrible stomach cramps and shitting piss. 0/10 would not recommend. 

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7 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I just turned 47 and I've only sharted once.

Is something wrong with me?  Should I be sharting more regularly?

No, I was roughly your age when this annual thread started I think.  I thought y’all were a bunch of loose assed heathens.  But Father Time was quick to remind me I was not immune to the ravages of age. 

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16 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I just turned 47 and I've only sharted once.

Is something wrong with me?  Should I be sharting more regularly?

Same here. I’m 51 and only had one experience worth mentioning.  I have no idea what I ate but went for a walk with the wife.  Gut went from 0-100 in minutes.  
 

Zero chance of getting home or to a bathroom.  Had to make a deposit behind a dumpster at a local elementary school (summer, no kids).  wife won’t let me forget about it.  Beyond that no problems in decades. 

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4 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

Turned 50 in January 2022 and made it through the year unscathed.  Pretty proud of that after having incidents in both '20 and '21.  Either my gut health is improving, or I'm getting better at risk assessment with experience.  Here's to 2023!

Taunt the Turd Gods like this much more, and you'll have to change your username to Gottapoopy before spring hits. 

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Every time you fart, you’re emitting bacteria with the gases. So technically, every fart is a shart. "There's about a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear," he added.  https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

Good science experiment for the intrepid young surl middle schooler:  fart near a Petri dish, once with clothes on, and a second one au natural.  Observe the results. Profit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1121900/

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On 1/3/2023 at 8:06 PM, nnm said:

Every time you fart, you’re emitting bacteria with the gases. So technically, every fart is a shart. "There's about a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear," he added.  https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

Good science experiment for the intrepid young surl middle schooler:  fart near a Petri dish, once with clothes on, and a second one au natural.  Observe the results. Profit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1121900/

Sounds like a good research project for Doomlet. 

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On 1/3/2023 at 8:06 PM, nnm said:

Every time you fart, you’re emitting bacteria with the gases. So technically, every fart is a shart. "There's about a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear," he added.  https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

Good science experiment for the intrepid young surl middle schooler:  fart near a Petri dish, once with clothes on, and a second one au natural.  Observe the results. Profit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1121900/

Thermal Vision Fart GIFs | Tenor

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

New medicine. Two weeks of nothing, nothing, nothing, poopergency!!!! Literally need to be within 45 seconds of a toilet! A couple of close calls at home, nervous as hell to go out to a store. Dr says it should go away once my body gets used to the meds. Didn’t mention how long that may take.

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