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Shit My Kid Says


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On 12/26/2021 at 3:27 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Mrs. Doom's parents brought their Boston Terrier over to our house for Christmas dinner. 

At one point later on in the evening when all of the adults were just kind of sitting around in a stupor, Doomlet casually sauntered up to me and whispered in my ear, "I was just looking at the dog's butthole. Don't tell Mom." 

 

On 12/27/2021 at 9:01 AM, Longboard Horn said:

Fascinating, the boy has already chosen a career path. Say hello to Dr. Doomlet, future proctologist! 

Found Doomlet

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5 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

He was fiddling around with his school iPad's online book reserve just now and somehow found his way to a book called "Weaponizing Poop" about primitive germ warfare. 

We are gonna have to persuade the mods here to start a new forum exclusively for the Doomlet’s adventures.

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Doomlet has been punching and kicking us in the back of the knee every now and then lately and I'm fucking fed up with it. He just did it to me and I spazzed and shouted at him. I couldn't remember whether the last time he did it I told him that any subsequent knee sneak attacks would be met with an immediate time out, so I told him that front that point on, any knee attacks from behind are an automatic trip to the penalty box.

I wrote it on a Post It both to help me remember the line I have drawn in the sand, but also so that he could sign the document to acknowledge his understanding of the new policy. 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 1/23/2022 at 3:18 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Doomlet has been punching and kicking us in the back of the knee every now and then lately and I'm fucking fed up with it. He just did it to me and I spazzed and shouted at him. I couldn't remember whether the last time he did it I told him that any subsequent knee sneak attacks would be met with an immediate time out, so I told him that front that point on, any knee attacks from behind are an automatic trip to the penalty box.

I wrote it on a Post It both to help me remember the line I have drawn in the sand, but also so that he could sign the document to acknowledge his understanding of the new policy. 

 

20220123_151315.jpg

He's gonna come up and kick you right in the shin now and claim impunity.

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1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Just garden-variety sass. 

But we got our first call home from his teacher - someone else was stuffing his friend into a locker, so Doomlet (the second smallest boy in his class) shoved the aggressor, which in turn attracted the attention of the most high-strung spaz (the smallest boy, incidentally) in the class who then turned it all into a melee.

And a long pattern of insolence on the "show your work/explain your reasoning" types of questions in math class has finally resulted in him getting moved into a separate and more advanced math class. 

*all the weird doodles are from some game he's currently obsessed with (Among Us) that to my knowledge he's never even played, but apparently it's all the rage with the kids at school. 

 

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My daughter (6th grade) loves among us. I think its similar to Werewolves, but in school answering some math question or something correctly is somehow incorporated into the game. Also, they play online somehow.

 

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49 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

They share some gems when they get older, too. The boy’s been out having a good time with his buddies, and shared a story of them hanging out and listening to a dude playing Johnny Cash on the sax….

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Sounds like awesome experience for him.   Man I really wish I would have done a semester abroad or just a summer traveling Europe when I was in college. 

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11 hours ago, Hook1997 said:

Sounds like awesome experience for him.   Man I really wish I would have done a semester abroad or just a summer traveling Europe when I was in college. 

Me too. My only problem was money! If I wasn’t in class I was working to pay for school. Fortunately for me, my job has allowed me to travel the world at an age where I probably enjoy and understand it more.

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The kids (9 and 7) and I were figuring out which movies they could watch. Sex and bad language were the deal breakers.

My 9 YO: I know the f word.

Me (quietly): Tell me what the f word is. Quietly because I don’t want your brother to hear.

9 YO: It’s f-u-c-k.

Me: How did you learn the word? Did anyone at school use the word?

9 YO: No. I learned it from you when you got mad. 

Edited by Superhero
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On 2/20/2022 at 3:02 PM, Superhero said:

The kids (9 and 7) and I were figuring out which movies they could watch. Sex and bad language were the deal breakers.

My 9 YO: I know the f word.

Me (quietly): Tell me what the f word is. Quietly because I don’t want your brother to hear.

9 YO: It’s f-u-c-k.

Me: How did you learn the word? Did anyone at school use the word?

9 YO: No. I learned it from you when you got mad. 

 

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On 2/20/2022 at 1:02 PM, Superhero said:

The kids (9 and 7) and I were figuring out which movies they could watch. Sex and bad language were the deal breakers.

My 9 YO: I know the f word.

Me (quietly): Tell me what the f word is. Quietly because I don’t want your brother to hear.

9 YO: It’s f-u-c-k.

Me: How did you learn the word? Did anyone at school use the word?

9 YO: No. I learned it from you when you got mad. 

Well shit. My 9 YO told on me yesterday.  She told mom that she knew the f-word because daddy used it before.

My wife was mad at me while I could only shrug my shoulders.

 

I need to talk to the kids today, and remind of the importance of the phrase "Don't tell mom".

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3 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

Took the oldest to Whataburger last night and for the first time ever she said “I’ll take a number 4.”

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I hope she's working up to some variation of "hey there boss - gonna do a #4 - let's make them onions and peños sweat a bit on the flattop. Do me a favor and take it easy on the mustard and link it up with some rings and a co cola."

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My son started soccer practice today. This group is supposed to have passed an initial screening so there wouldn't be kids picking daisies. But apparently a few made it through, and one of them was on my son's team. 

The kid sucked, and even worse, wasn't trying. My son got in his face and yelled "What you doing? You supposed to kick it to your team! And you're not even trying!"

 

He probably shouldn't have done that, but it brought a tear to my eye.

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15 hours ago, Superhero said:

My son started soccer practice today. This group is supposed to have passed an initial screening so there wouldn't be kids picking daisies. But apparently a few made it through, and one of them was on my son's team. 

The kid sucked, and even worse, wasn't trying. My son got in his face and yelled "What you doing? You supposed to kick it to your team! And you're not even trying!"

 

He probably shouldn't have done that, but it brought a tear to my eye.

When my son was in the 5th/6th grade I helped coach his youth football team.  The head coach was a total dumbass.  All he knew was yelling without any tangible instruction.  I do not think that he ever played and all he knew was "hit'em hard".  He ended up dying from a brain anuerysm while in his 40's (probably from yelling).  I do not have a problem with "tough" coaching as long as it is in context.  I know I did my fair share of yelling!

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