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Stormandy

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Posts posted by Stormandy

  1. I prefer the full sink, but I know I will never have one because of the wife. I really don't get why she don't like full sinks and thinks we have to have a double sink.

    I do all the dishes and most of the cooking. Her ortho surgeon said no more washing dishes after he rebuilt her hands. I shedded my man card long ago.

  2. Worthless as a rented mule.

    Cold enough enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. 

    Any horse can fart in morning, but it takes a stout mule to fart at the end of the day.

    Worthless bastard could break an anvil in a sand box.

    He works as slow as molasses in the winter.

    Ran over a snake on the road going uphill. It is going to rain.

     

  3. You look like you were shot at and missed, shit at and hit.

    Darker than a sack of assholes.

    He's crooked as a boar's prick.

    Go to bed with the chickens, remember to wake up the rooster doing chores.

    So ugly they buried the baby and raised the afterbirth.

     

     

    • Haha 1
  4. Working alone at the office on a "snow day" everyone else stayed home because the snow was too bad. No bovines talking about their diets and no hens cackling about their kids and families. A person can concentrate and get shit done. It is best when you misjudge the weather and have to stay the night because your snowed in at the office.

  5. 2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

    "Hi, my name is Jack, and I've just become your new supervisor. First thing to do is evict the cat that lives on your front porch. Then we need to procure covers for every seating surface in the house."

    I'll get a pic of Jack's daughter, but it looks like I've been promoted to manager, Dachshund division. Good lord these dogs are amazing but challenging.

    Welcome to all the new years dogs.

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    Maybe it is just the picture, but it appears the manager of the Dashhound division needs to deligate some toenail triming. Also good boy.

  6. My wife and I worked with several agencies for years trying to adopt. We finally decided that it just wasn't going to happen. Then one day we were contacted by someone knowing of a perspective mother that due in less than a month that wanted to give up her baby. I contacted my lawyer and he arrange a quick private adoption. I can't believe that was 21 years ago. 

  7. Well the wife wants me to take her to the thrift store that only has Christmas stuff. Now we get to buy a bunch of other people Christmas junk. As she would say, "It was cheap and I thought it would like nice". I thought I had put a moratorium on bringing home decorator crap for the house. She is supposed to get rid of stuff before bringing more crap home. 

    • Like 2
  8. The fart game is the best. I have several ways of amusing myself with the fart game.

    Everyone leaves our office over noon hour. On days when when I have a gut full of gas. I like to sit in one of the my coworkers chairs and fill the chair with gas. The upholstery on these chairs just soak up the gas. When the victim sits down all the gas is expelled from the chair. It makes for a good time watching others assume who farted. On a gassy day I may fill two chairs.

    When I have to shop with my wife. I try to see where I can get the most victims at once when crop dusting. My largest strike was in a Walmart at the photo machines where people are waiting to use the machines to decide what pictures they want developed. Around the holidays they have the large crowds to use the machines. Just crop dust away and watch the fun.

    • Like 1
  9. I am getting out going anywhere or having anyone over for thanksgiving. Just the wife, daughter and myself. We were supposed to travel, but the weather has given me the excuse not to travel this year. So no drama on Thanksgiving, no Black Friday shopping, and a reprieve from putting up the exterior Christmas lights. All at the cost of shovelling some snow.

    I hope Christmas turns out the same.

  10. 8 hours ago, crash_davis said:

    There should be a test for people who want to have kids. They must first raise a dog. If they can't raise a dog correctly, there's no f'ing way they will raise a child who won't grow up to be an asshole to society.

    In fact, if they can't raise a dog correctly, the government should neuter them. This is especially true for the f'ing assholes who leave poop bags all over the greenbelt.

    I am sorry, but I can't support the use of dogs for your test to see if people can parent. You can use cats if you must, but no dog deserves that.

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