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Doc Daneeka

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Posts posted by Doc Daneeka

  1. 1 hour ago, immamac said:

    Eat 750 or less calories a day until goal weight. Then eat 1000 1250 1500 for a week at a time until you maintain x weight. That's your new caloric intake for ideal weight. 

    750 calories a day is insane even for a petite, sedentary woman. 

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  2. 4 hours ago, Lidig8r said:

    Doc, when you are first introduced to a therapist, look upon it as their audition to you. Why should you automatically trust them? Why should you be expected to immediately open up to a stranger? That is crap.

    Ask any question you want.  The therapist should be willing to answer anything. You are trusting your heart, your soul, your anguish to this person. And like any relationship, it will take time. Take a look at this website for possible questions to ask.

    https://mindwellnyc.com/questions-to-ask-a-therapist/

    Trust is a 2 way street. THEY have to establish credibility with you.

    Awesome. Thanks.

    I had a brief consultation yesterday and asked a lot of those questions. I have an actual session scheduled for next week. I’ll make note of any additional ones to ask as part of deciding whether to continue with this therapist  

    My preferred method of “therapy” for the duration of my life has been to swallow shit or vent shit and move on. It’s worked reasonably well. It’s not working now. I’m not thrilled with the prospect of therapy and, frankly, think it’s likely to be futile.I’m of the opinion that nothing other than time is going to make any real difference in this agony and that nothing other than death is going to stop it. 

    Fuck, though, if it can keep me from weaponizing my grief to attack my memories of her or feelings about her as a way of lessening this crushing bullshit, it would be worth it so I have to try. That’s my only real fear in this. If I have to be sad forever in exchange for my time with her, then I’ll be sad forever. I’ll take that hit and I’ll make that trade and I’d do it again, eyes wide open. But I am not willing to diminish who she was and who she was to me as some sad sack, chickenshit way of trying to make tolerable my remaining time on this rock. 

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  3. For those joining the story mid-season: the absolute love of my life who also felt the same way about me — to the point it stretches the bounds of mere luck and circumstance almost enough to make this atheist believe in something more — died in January.

    Now, as much as I fight against it, I feel like I’m being pulled into the event horizon of this kind of bullshit. 

    I don’t want that. Holy fuck, I don’t want that. She was the best woman who ever came into my life. There’s only a second place position because I have a couple of kids, otherwise she would basically be the list. It would be disrespectful to get to that point. It would be a chickenshit cop out to get to that point. Yet, here I fucking am. 

    During my increasingly too long a time on this planet, I’ve been described — and not always charitably, I might add  — as cold. Inhuman. Callous. Unfeeling. Emotionless. Robotic. Cyborg. Cold-blooded. Too logical. Too analytic. Heartless. Cruel. You get the gist. I’ve shed a combined zero (0) tears for six dead grandparents, an uncle, and a murdered stepmother. And a divorce after 22 years.

    Losing my GF is taking my soul. I have cried more (literally every fucking day since she died) in these almost four months than the last fifty years combined. At first, the grief outweighed the denial and things were bad. Of course. Then things leveled off for a while. It sucked, but more in a chronic, steady-state mode of hell, with only a few acute episodes, usually spurred by music or coming across something of hers in the house. Now, I think the denial is fading and what’s been going on for the last couple of weeks is just unrelenting waves of fucking misery. High level, hard to get a breath between sobs, “where’s the damned pancreatic cancer when you need it,” “I should’ve just lay down and bled out when I got stabbed” agony.

    Long story still long, how do I find a counselor/therapist/whatever with whom I can mesh at least a little? It feels like it’s going to be a combination of trial and error combined with geographic convenience (or virtual sessions). Is that all there is to it? Are they all pretty much working from the same manual? Are there any questions beyond “You any good with handling loss of a spouse?” that I should be asking?

    It also turns out, apparently, that thoughts such as some of the above are passive ideation of suicide and it also turns out that loved ones kind of panic when they hear such things. I don’t consider them as such, or at least not in any way they would transition to active, but I don’t make the definitions. So maybe this will also have the side benefit of getting some people off my ass because I do not need nagging added to this dogpile. 

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  4. I’m not a professional. I don’t give advice (unless you’re my daughter, which I suspect none of you are or I’d know you at least lurked here). I’ve been retired for about 15 years but only recently moved out of 100% equities. I didn’t do it for any tangible reason. My portfolio is below its all-time high, but still higher than it was when I retired. All that said, my portfolio target is:

    85% VTI

    15% BIV 

    About two years of living expenses spread across three HYSA. 

    I try to rebalance by adjusting my withdrawals rather than actually moving anything around. This information may be worth less than what you paid for it. 

    • Like 1
  5. 3 hours ago, immamac said:

    Thats not what I said at all. Data is often worth more than the device and if it's gone is irreplaceable. This is a functional lesson not one of value. 

    As someone who recently relied on iCloud to retrieve 36,058 texts that turned into a 2,134 page PDF, I cannot agree more with your statement. If you have something you want to keep, act like it and don’t just presume it will magically manage itself. 

  6. Well, my goal for 2024 was 9 million steps. I was doing 30k steps a day through almost all of January. Hell, maybe I can actually do this. Then on the 29th my GF’s replacement kidney said, “Nah, we’re done here.”

    So for about 2.5 weeks I’ve just been slogging through just trying to make it to the next day. Her best friend called today to see what’s up and we talked awhile and I told her I wasn’t walking much. She said, basically, “Of all the things she wouldn’t shut up about regarding you, the thing she wouldn’t shut up the most about was that you walked if Texas was frozen and without power, you walked when it was 110°, you walked when it rained, you walked when you didn’t feel like it. She was so proud that your determination kept you going that it kept her going, too. She’d be so disappointed that she’s the thing that stopped you.”

    Can you hear the Rocky music of whichever of those movies you liked the best? I basically could. After we hung up I went and walked for real. Then after dinner. Ended up with 19.2 miles and 33k steps. Hell, maybe I can actually do this. 

    IMG_0326.png

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  7. On the password sharing crackdowns…

    I feel like I’m probably missing something and I haven’t looked much into the details of what Hulu and Disney plan. Let’s say it’s something like Netflix which, as I understand it, means the device has to be on/used on the “home” network every 30 days or so. 

    My understanding is that Hulu and Disney+ work with Airplay, but Netflix doesn’t. So, given a physical streaming device — Apple TV, Roku, anything that supports all three — if said device makes the trip to my house once a month, and all three apps are fired up just for good measure, these three services should be good to go for another month or so… yes? No?

  8. 47 minutes ago, troph said:

    I had that kind of love long ago, I once had a soulmate, it wasn’t meant to last a lifetime. Reconciling that perfection with the loss of it has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. I’m not sure it’s always ok with me but it just is. Well at the risk of telling a story that isn’t a fairy tale I’ll say this, I’ll walk with an emotional void and a limp the rest of my life. I really have no choice. But I’m ok, and you’ll be okay. And sometimes okay can really be spectacular. Definitely not now, but it can be in the future. But I know you are far from okay now.
     

    I guess I just want to witness feeling dead inside or even worse while breathing in and out is a thing. And it’s okay. In the divorce thread I’ll occasionally talk about how to rise above and all the habits needed to make it through. Shit if that is the thing here - I seriously doubt it. I think just breathing is the only thing to focus on.
     

    And not sure if wanting to be dead is a thing here for you, occasionally it is for me. I’ve learned for me it’s not really a desire but a thought escape. But just in case it is a thing for you in this time, the moment you think about how to do it like idle fantasizing about how to, when and where - that’s the time call someone. That’s the boundary line. Hurting so much you want to be gone is ok, thinking about doing it not so much. So you get there please call someone. If you want it to be me send me a DM and I’ll give you my number. 
     

    if that thought life isn’t a risk for you then you have the first thing you can be grateful for.
     

    hang in there brother. We see you. And we will read every post and at the risk of being an obnoxious poster I’ll reply to every god damn one of them.  

    I had the “first love” thing just out of high school and we saw each other on and off for 15 years or so and then again for a while after I got divorced. At some point I think it was more about reliving being young than living today, though  

    I was married for 20+ years. It wasn’t the greatest fit ever, but I had stood up in front of everyone and said “I do” regarding “until death do us part” so I was resigned to doing what I had said I would do. I got two amazing daughters out of the deal, so it was far from a total loss. By the time the ex wanted out, my only concern was how it was going to screw up holidays. There were some regrets, but nothing soul crushing.

    This woman was different. I mean, about an hour in to our first in-person meeting, I knew this was what I’d never had before in my life. It was a slog to get her onboard because of her health situation — she wanted to protect herself from abandonment and me from this whole process — but I eventually wore her down. But this is absolutely soul crushing.

    Not gonna lie, I’ve considered looking into helium and balloon tanks and whether that approach would be feasible. But I have a mother and two dogs to outlive. Plus, as I said above, I wore her down. And I wore her down by convincing her that I was a grown-ass man who can make his own decisions and live with the consequences. One of the consequences of being with her is that her life expectancy was shorter and that we might not have as much time as we expected, let alone wanted. I told her that I could handle that and she trusted me. I’m sure as hell not going to let her down and betray that trust. I will do what I said I would do.

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  9. 1 minute ago, troph said:

    Share as much as you want. Just wake up and breathe please. The rest seems pretty optional right now. I’m so sorry for your loss I wish I could do something. 

    Nah, man, having a place where I can type this stuff out and I know people are at least reading it definitely helps. Responding is doing something. 

    I didn’t mention it specifically, though saying “Del Rio” kind of hinted at it, but she’s from a Hispanic family with the stereotypical dozens of cousins. They all said that I, and her five year old niece, were all she ever talked about. They talked about how sarcastic she was and how she hated being hugged and how she often kept her distance from things but when she talked about me it was like she was a different person than the one they knew. They said she was “giddy” and that she’d just never done “giddy,” before. 

    Thanks for helping me get through this crap. 

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    • Like 3
  10. I use the hell out of mine for motivation. I have a 1619 day move steak through subzero ice, 110° sun, or whatever else Texas has to offer. 

    I’m to the point where I don’t need the motivation 90% of time, but that 10% when I wake up knowing it’s cold and hearing it rain, or whatever, has me to the point where some minutes of suboptimal conditions or desire is less of a mental whip than living with not getting out there and doing what I should. 

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  11. 16 minutes ago, Atticus said:

    Not that it needs to be said again, but Cowherd is an idiot. Washington is a heavily penalized team.

    I remember driving from the Dayton airport to Columbus and listening to this clown literally laugh at the idea that Texas had a chance in the Shoe at night. Luckily for him, he doesn’t get paid to be right, just to get attention. Saying stupid things is a really good way to do that. I’m looking at you, too, Bohls. 

  12. 2 hours ago, Doc Daneeka said:

    Iowa’s offense had their shot to score. It’s up to their defense and special teams now. 

    Admittedly, this didn’t require a time machine. 

  13. Just now, ChiTownDoc said:

    Yes. Saying I have money and dgaf.  Not me was the point of the post. The program, sure.  aggy also traditionally has thrown a lot of money at football w bags etc.  It doesn’t guarantee dick.  

    That fair. 

    I’ve always said that OU cheats but at least had trophies to show for it. A&M has Trans-Ams at other schools. 

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