Alright, listen up, y’all! This is "Baby" Billy Freeman, comin’ at ya with that fire and brimstone energy, and let me tell ya, there ain’t nothin’ in this world finer than the Southeastern Conference! The SEC, bless its heart, is the promised land of college football, where the gridiron’s hotter than a South Carolina summer and the tailgates are a sanctified celebration of pigskin glory! From the rollin’ tide in Alabama to them dawgs barkin’ in Georgia, every snap’s a sermon, every touchdown’s a miracle! Now, there are many legends of the SEC. You heard the legend of two Aggies touchin’ dicks in the bathroom at Kyle Field, but that ain’t the important part of this story—It's about you's Texas Longhorns joinin’ the fold; them other SEC nerds can’t even see solid gold when I’m shittin’ it right in front of them, but yall boys are ready to drop nuggets of pure victory now that you's in the SEC promised land!
Speakin’ of which, come August 30th, when you's Longhorns march into that heathen den up in Columbus to face off against them godforsaken Ohio State Buckeyes, oh, I hate them Buckeyes more than the devil hates a Sunday sermon—they’re a bunch of northern sinners thinkin’ they can tango with SEC fire, but they’ll get smote like Goliath!
And y’all, ol’ Baby Billy’s got a plan to turn this holy war into heavenly profit: I’m launchin’ the “Baby Billy Buckeye Buster Prayer Hotline,” where for just a faithful donation of $29.99, I’ll personally pray over your phone line for Texas to crush ‘em, and if the Lord delivers that win, you’ll feel the blessings multiply in your wallet like loaves and fishes! Plus, I’m sellin’ limited-edition blessed Longhorn talismans—wear one, and not only does it ward off Buckeye evil, but it’ll attract good fortune, maybe even inspire you to place a little wager on the side, knowin’ the good Lord’s on our team! All proceeds be going to Mack Browns girdle.
Y’all better get right with the SEC, ‘cause this here’s where legends are born, and we don’t just play football—we live it, breathe it, and praise it like a hallelujah chorus! Go SEC, and may the good Lord bless em ya good!