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Doc Daneeka

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Posts posted by Doc Daneeka

  1. The first time my GF and I ever talked on the phone, one of the things we talked about was underrated movies… stuff we loved but that didn’t get the love we thought it deserved.

    Her: What movie do you like that doesn’t get enough credit?

    Me: Well, a few years ago I’d probably have said The Warriors, but it seems to have a cult thing going on now, so I guess mine would be Eddie and the…

    Her: Cruisers! Yes! 

    Both: Tender Years!

    So, grinning like an idiot, I play Tender Years and we just listen to it. 

    Me: What about…

    Her: On the Dark Side? I love it.

    Me: … On the Dark Side?

    And then we both just laughed. I felt like maybe I’d found something I didn’t even know was there to look for.

    Fast forward a few days and I’ve made an MP4 of the drum and sax intro and made it her text tone. For six and a half years, every time she texted me, I heard the intro to Tender Years. Sometimes she’d be in the same room and text me and say, “I just want to hear my text come in.” 

    Fast forward a few years and Tender Years was going to be our first dance at our wedding. Even if we couldn’t ever have an official one. 

    Fast forward to last Saturday and it was raining like a bitch here. She didn’t like driving in the rain. In a fair world, I’d have driven her to her office and to any showings she would’ve had that day. And then we’d have gone to have pho or Tex-Mex. And we”d have been delusionally happy and not even really noticed, because that was our default state. 

    Instead, I was driving back, alone, in the rain from a friend’s house and Tender Years comes on the radio. I had to pull over. It was the worst moment I’ve had since I walked away from her for the last time at her memorial.

    Tonight, I’m on her iPad looking for any straggling emails or texts from her clients. Like a fuckwit, I open her Apple Music. What’s on under “heavy rotation?” Tender Years. And she had a Wedding playlist. Yeah. It was on there, of course. Fuck me. 

    She’s fucking gone and she took part of me with her and none of that is ever coming back. In a few days, it will be three months since she died. I think its hitting even harder now than then because some of the numbness and disbelief is gone. 

    I feel this image. I am this image. Except I’d add “dogs” to the list. 
     

     

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  2. I’m not a professional. I don’t give advice (unless you’re my daughter, which I suspect none of you are or I’d know you at least lurked here). I’ve been retired for about 15 years but only recently moved out of 100% equities. I didn’t do it for any tangible reason. My portfolio is below its all-time high, but still higher than it was when I retired. All that said, my portfolio target is:

    85% VTI

    15% BIV 

    About two years of living expenses spread across three HYSA. 

    I try to rebalance by adjusting my withdrawals rather than actually moving anything around. This information may be worth less than what you paid for it. 

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  3. 3 hours ago, immamac said:

    Thats not what I said at all. Data is often worth more than the device and if it's gone is irreplaceable. This is a functional lesson not one of value. 

    As someone who recently relied on iCloud to retrieve 36,058 texts that turned into a 2,134 page PDF, I cannot agree more with your statement. If you have something you want to keep, act like it and don’t just presume it will magically manage itself. 

  4. Well, my goal for 2024 was 9 million steps. I was doing 30k steps a day through almost all of January. Hell, maybe I can actually do this. Then on the 29th my GF’s replacement kidney said, “Nah, we’re done here.”

    So for about 2.5 weeks I’ve just been slogging through just trying to make it to the next day. Her best friend called today to see what’s up and we talked awhile and I told her I wasn’t walking much. She said, basically, “Of all the things she wouldn’t shut up about regarding you, the thing she wouldn’t shut up the most about was that you walked if Texas was frozen and without power, you walked when it was 110°, you walked when it rained, you walked when you didn’t feel like it. She was so proud that your determination kept you going that it kept her going, too. She’d be so disappointed that she’s the thing that stopped you.”

    Can you hear the Rocky music of whichever of those movies you liked the best? I basically could. After we hung up I went and walked for real. Then after dinner. Ended up with 19.2 miles and 33k steps. Hell, maybe I can actually do this. 

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  5. On the password sharing crackdowns…

    I feel like I’m probably missing something and I haven’t looked much into the details of what Hulu and Disney plan. Let’s say it’s something like Netflix which, as I understand it, means the device has to be on/used on the “home” network every 30 days or so. 

    My understanding is that Hulu and Disney+ work with Airplay, but Netflix doesn’t. So, given a physical streaming device — Apple TV, Roku, anything that supports all three — if said device makes the trip to my house once a month, and all three apps are fired up just for good measure, these three services should be good to go for another month or so… yes? No?

  6. 47 minutes ago, troph said:

    I had that kind of love long ago, I once had a soulmate, it wasn’t meant to last a lifetime. Reconciling that perfection with the loss of it has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. I’m not sure it’s always ok with me but it just is. Well at the risk of telling a story that isn’t a fairy tale I’ll say this, I’ll walk with an emotional void and a limp the rest of my life. I really have no choice. But I’m ok, and you’ll be okay. And sometimes okay can really be spectacular. Definitely not now, but it can be in the future. But I know you are far from okay now.
     

    I guess I just want to witness feeling dead inside or even worse while breathing in and out is a thing. And it’s okay. In the divorce thread I’ll occasionally talk about how to rise above and all the habits needed to make it through. Shit if that is the thing here - I seriously doubt it. I think just breathing is the only thing to focus on.
     

    And not sure if wanting to be dead is a thing here for you, occasionally it is for me. I’ve learned for me it’s not really a desire but a thought escape. But just in case it is a thing for you in this time, the moment you think about how to do it like idle fantasizing about how to, when and where - that’s the time call someone. That’s the boundary line. Hurting so much you want to be gone is ok, thinking about doing it not so much. So you get there please call someone. If you want it to be me send me a DM and I’ll give you my number. 
     

    if that thought life isn’t a risk for you then you have the first thing you can be grateful for.
     

    hang in there brother. We see you. And we will read every post and at the risk of being an obnoxious poster I’ll reply to every god damn one of them.  

    I had the “first love” thing just out of high school and we saw each other on and off for 15 years or so and then again for a while after I got divorced. At some point I think it was more about reliving being young than living today, though  

    I was married for 20+ years. It wasn’t the greatest fit ever, but I had stood up in front of everyone and said “I do” regarding “until death do us part” so I was resigned to doing what I had said I would do. I got two amazing daughters out of the deal, so it was far from a total loss. By the time the ex wanted out, my only concern was how it was going to screw up holidays. There were some regrets, but nothing soul crushing.

    This woman was different. I mean, about an hour in to our first in-person meeting, I knew this was what I’d never had before in my life. It was a slog to get her onboard because of her health situation — she wanted to protect herself from abandonment and me from this whole process — but I eventually wore her down. But this is absolutely soul crushing.

    Not gonna lie, I’ve considered looking into helium and balloon tanks and whether that approach would be feasible. But I have a mother and two dogs to outlive. Plus, as I said above, I wore her down. And I wore her down by convincing her that I was a grown-ass man who can make his own decisions and live with the consequences. One of the consequences of being with her is that her life expectancy was shorter and that we might not have as much time as we expected, let alone wanted. I told her that I could handle that and she trusted me. I’m sure as hell not going to let her down and betray that trust. I will do what I said I would do.

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  7. 1 minute ago, troph said:

    Share as much as you want. Just wake up and breathe please. The rest seems pretty optional right now. I’m so sorry for your loss I wish I could do something. 

    Nah, man, having a place where I can type this stuff out and I know people are at least reading it definitely helps. Responding is doing something. 

    I didn’t mention it specifically, though saying “Del Rio” kind of hinted at it, but she’s from a Hispanic family with the stereotypical dozens of cousins. They all said that I, and her five year old niece, were all she ever talked about. They talked about how sarcastic she was and how she hated being hugged and how she often kept her distance from things but when she talked about me it was like she was a different person than the one they knew. They said she was “giddy” and that she’d just never done “giddy,” before. 

    Thanks for helping me get through this crap. 

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  8. I use the hell out of mine for motivation. I have a 1619 day move steak through subzero ice, 110° sun, or whatever else Texas has to offer. 

    I’m to the point where I don’t need the motivation 90% of time, but that 10% when I wake up knowing it’s cold and hearing it rain, or whatever, has me to the point where some minutes of suboptimal conditions or desire is less of a mental whip than living with not getting out there and doing what I should. 

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  9. 16 minutes ago, Atticus said:

    Not that it needs to be said again, but Cowherd is an idiot. Washington is a heavily penalized team.

    I remember driving from the Dayton airport to Columbus and listening to this clown literally laugh at the idea that Texas had a chance in the Shoe at night. Luckily for him, he doesn’t get paid to be right, just to get attention. Saying stupid things is a really good way to do that. I’m looking at you, too, Bohls. 

  10. 2 hours ago, Doc Daneeka said:

    Iowa’s offense had their shot to score. It’s up to their defense and special teams now. 

    Admittedly, this didn’t require a time machine. 

  11. Just now, ChiTownDoc said:

    Yes. Saying I have money and dgaf.  Not me was the point of the post. The program, sure.  aggy also traditionally has thrown a lot of money at football w bags etc.  It doesn’t guarantee dick.  

    That fair. 

    I’ve always said that OU cheats but at least had trophies to show for it. A&M has Trans-Ams at other schools. 

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  12. On 12/23/2023 at 12:01 PM, ChiTownDoc said:

    I can’t keep up.  Wtf is going on here?  And hell no to any real money going to NIL.  Adult men dropping bags for kids to play football for their favorite team.  LOL

    This is literally how OU built a program. 

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  13. 1 minute ago, Steelers Roll Left said:

    I realize opinions vary on this common dilemma, but wondering how early is too early to start drinking for a 7:45ish kick?  Have to factor in that holiday obligations include a mountain of jambalaya and hot sauce for an early dinner with leftover Salt Lick BBQ in the fridge for a late night chaser.  

    You’re behind, now. 

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