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hundredTT

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Posts posted by hundredTT

  1. Yes of course financially it made sense to retire and walk away healthy. But fucking any high paid athlete can do that, and we’d be left watching Joe Webb vs Brett Huntley in the Super Bowl. Luck is a quitter and fucked over a franchise who at least had a few more runs at a super bowl with Manning. Oh well, I hope Colin cowherd commits suicide, only plus from this.  

    • Fuck You 10
  2. Day 2 in the books. Felt very off all day, just now hitting the sack and feel exhausted. Kept myself busy. Visited my mom/dad little nephew and watched some preseason football and did a fantasy draft. My dad doesn’t drink, so it’s always good to be able to watch sports without booze around. Was a good night. 

    • Like 6
  3. The first time I got sober, sleep was a disaster and I would dream of having seizures, heart attack, would wake up not knowing if I was dying or not.  First night in the book went pretty good. Didn't wake up gasping for air, drinking obviously is not good for sleep apnea - still need to get that treated though. Took things slow today and felt  zombie like, had to force myself to eat. Started feeling some anxiety and light headedness around 4, slowly starting to go away. Overall not too bad, but I def do not feel great. Felt feverish earlier as well, that's starting to go away. 

    • Like 4
  4. Nothing will convince me to go to a hospital or center, or God. I have so much to lose if so. Told y’all I’m not doing it. Will report tomorrow, may god bless y’all dudes. Pretty everything on the line tonight. 

  5. I remember drinking 4 lokos in college. First time I had 2, I almost burned down a house by passing out while leaving a totinos in the oven for 7 hours. Fire dept came and all 

  6. I hear you brother. I feel like I have to try on my own again first. Obviously there are issues with keeping sober that I need to address still. But I feel I can do that step one on my own, unless medically impossible. But after that, I def need help keeping sober 

  7. I do appreciate all the insight. If I go into a program, it will ruin my career, family and relationship. Not trying to sound like the douche who thinks he knows everything, but I’ve done it once before, gonna go solo again. Of course I’m willing to check in  anywhere at a moments glance, but at this time there’s no way I could do a program or something and not lose everything 

  8. 1 hour ago, JohnnyRage said:

    @hundredTT, What’s the word?

    I think my body knew to post here or something, I’ll explain. I’ve had a lot of vodka everyday since November 2018, literally maybe one or two days where I didn’t drink. Besides bad snoring and sleep apnea, I felt great. The last few days have gone downhill. Driving home from work today in traffic I almost pulled off to the side because I couldn’t catch my breathe and felt like I was going to seize, heart attack, stroke...etc. but likely it was a panic attack peaking its ugly head again. It’s what caused me to stop drinking 3 years ago, I had alcohol induced panic attacks, my brain chemistry was all off kilt. Told myself I’d never do it again, and it is back. Last time I had a full checkup and had no issues, besides somewhat high liver counts, which normalized a few months down the line of sobriety. That was 2016, I started up almost 9 months ago and have probably gained 60 pounds, sleep apnea wakes me up every night gasping and heart racing to where I feel it’s coming out of my chest. I told myself today when driving home and going to my fav liquor store that if I had one more drink, something bad was going to happen. I bought my usual vodka, went to whataburger and ordered a large coke. Emptied half and filled the rest with vodka. Came home and still felt awful. Really thought one sip and I’d be dizzy to the point of need the ER. I debated for 30 mins and went to pour everything out. Went to the sink and my demon convinced to take a sip and if I felt unsteady to throw it out. After a few sips, I started to feel almost crazy because my anxiety was topped out and I felt like this feeling of a few drinks of alcohol was only going to really fuck me up, like it would leave me in limbo. Decided to keep drinking, to make me feel better and this time it took a lot of booze to start to make me feel good. Just about finished the bottle and I’m back to bliss, can’t even deny I feel like a million bucks...music sounds better, shows are funnier, food tastes better. I’m a fucking full on addict, no doubt. Even posting gives me gratification, that I wouldn’t even bother with when sober. The last few days I wake up fine, but around 2-3pm I’m jittery, shaky, feel full on anxiety. I usually drink around 5pm everyday. I hope I'm not dependent on booze, would 9 months of straight drinking hardcore get to withdrawal levels in talks experience? Asking the experts. 

  9. 9 hours ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

    Also, if you are thinking about going cold turkey, don't just dismiss thestud's story as his friend simply having PTSD from being a soldier. I came off cold turkey and had very bad hallucinations and I've never been in the military or really any situation to cause me to mentally react the way I did to quiting without medical help. Not saying it will happen to you, but that's also what I thought about myself. I had quit maybe 10 times by myself and had never had a reaction like that, so I didn't think about being monitored when I stopped that time. 

    I was just taking a break, too. Not even trying to quit for good. I also couldn't figure out what the fuck happened to me. The alcohol withdrawl wasn't even on my radar. It took me a few months after I had quit to piece together a lot of events over that previous year and a lot of reading to make me realize that those hallucinations were 100 percent from that. And it was some scary shit. 

    I only remember bits and pieces of it, but I was ordering Uber's to go to parties (I don't go to parties) that didn't exist, with friends of friends who didn't exist. Crawling around the sidewalks of my nieghborhood looking for the Uber driver's keys that he had lost. Yelling at my neighbors who were asking me why I was crawling around the neighborhood yelling at nobody at 3 in the morning. Thinking my Uber driver and his family and their dog were all in my  backyard looking for the keys and yelling at them to leave. Thinking there were raccoons inside my house. Just bizzare shit. I actually had ordered Uber and Lyft because there were charges, but that's all I know. 

    I found out later that those sorts of DT's can be brought on by liver disease, which I didn't know I had. But now I do. So it was too late for me in that regard. My liver's cirrhotic. There's no going back from that. My life has been significantly shortened and that's something I have to think about everyday. That's something I had to tell my mother and my father and my sister and my close friends. You, and anyone stuggling with this, think about what that conversation is going to be like with your family if it comes to that. And the conversations you have with yourself everyday when you're wondering how the fuck you could let it go that far. I hope I'm not being preachy, just trying to give you my personal reality that might make you think about it from my perspective, so hopefully it doesn't become yours. 

    Very much appreciate this post, def makes me think and know what I’m doing is pure stupidity. 

     

    Side note: It got more real today. Had a quarterly performance review, which usually goes by like a breeze with a few criticisms per norm and mostly a good job, keep on doing your thing. Would make me feel like a def functional alcoholic. Today it didn’t go so well and had to face several “we have concerns” type things. Obviously I know drinking has def affected my work, but thought I had it managed. Thing is after hearing all that shit I went and got a huge bottle and am halfway through already.  

     

  10. 9 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
    1 hour ago, hundredTT said:
    Finally convinced the lady to watch Game of Thrones. We both thought it was dumb first few episodes, then got hooked. I’m all excited to start the later episodes in season one and see her reading wiki on her phone about the show. I knew what she was doing but it was too late. She wiki’d the entire ending and all the spoilers. She did this shit with Breaking Bad. I’m like what’s the damn point of watching the show now?? She says she still wants to watch even though she knows every fucking thing that will happen. emoji2357.png

    Read more  

    Probably a smart thing to at least wiki through thrones. I caught on about season 4 or 5 and still have no idea whos who and what really happened

    Hahah my brotha. I feel like I’ll be the same way because we were confused as fuck and aren’t good with names and usually just go with it lol. But the principal stands that she googles everything beforehand, inpatient ass ha. Happened with Stranger Things as well, try not to be bitch  about it and luckily I’m not a nerd enough to really let it affect me. But shit is still is annoying haha. I know some people lose their shit over spoilers haha. My nephew came home opening night of avengers end game and told me all about it, I was like wtf, than gave myself 10 seconds to not be a total  loser hahah. Watching it now actually haha. 

     

     

     

     

     

     

    • Like 1
  11. 1 minute ago, TwiceHorn said:

    Not that it matters all that much, but by "seizure," I'm reasonably sure he means a "detox seizure," or one that comes as part of delirium tremens, i.e. the DTs.  These seizures occur after extended periods of elevated blood alcohol level that suddenly drops.  It's more common when one tries to stop drinking "cold turkey," but can also happen during a dry period when there's no intention to stop drinking.

    Such seizures and related cardiac events can be very dangerous, but they aren't strokes in the conventional sense.

    Ahh yes meant seizure. I actually minored in addiction studies, by far I’m not close to an expert. But I know most consequences, and still just keep boozing. Just finished a fifth of vodka now, and can tell from just a month ago, I could keep drinking more. Whereas then, I was fully satisfied. 

  12. Finally convinced the lady to watch Game of Thrones. We both thought it was dumb first few episodes, then got hooked. I’m all excited to start the later episodes in season one and see her reading wiki on her phone about the show. I knew what she was doing but it was too late. She wiki’d the entire ending and all the spoilers. She did this shit with Breaking Bad. I’m like what’s the damn point of watching the show now?? She says she still wants to watch even though she knows every fucking thing that will happen. 🤦‍♂️

  13. 18 minutes ago, former alkie said:

    Goodness

    Man, I felt the exact same way, until January 2014.......at that time, I was a long-term, flat-out, functional alcoholic.

    That's when I had seizure #4, and that last one was the eye opener.

    I won't bore everyone with my whole story, but the last seizure landed me in the hospital, then in-patient treatment for 1 month.  Then, I had to attend daily, out-patient  therapy for 3 additional months (full day, part cognitive/speech).  I wasn't allowed to return to work, until given clearance by the therapist.

    I had to make a decision to not lose my kids, my job, my home, and my life.

    Never looked back, and have never had a desire to that return to my old ways.

    I wish everyone on here, the absolute best \,,/

    At what age did you suffer your first stroke if I may ask? I keep pushing the envelope and tell myself I’ll quit drinking soon. I feel like I just keep moving the needle back and back and something very bad is going to happen soon, which of course it will, if I don’t stop now. I’m 30 and have recently developed bad sleep apnea when I drink, which is everyday. My fiancée wakes up panicking because she thinks I died in my sleep from not breathing, then I’ll let out a huge gasp of air when she awakens me. My dreams are even fucked now convincing me I’m drowning or running to the point of not being able to catch my breathe, I wake up several times a night gasping for air. I know my body will give out if i keep going at this rate. Plus drinking has gotten me overweight so, my health is just all around not what it should be for a 30 year old man. I’m actually terrified of sleep now and just hope I pass out hard enough to sleep through the night knockedout. 

     

  14. I don’t think I’d go into withdrawals or anything if I quit drinking, but I suffer from anxiety, and sometimes drinking spikes my anxiety to panic attack levels where I think I’m stroking out, or it will completely drown my anxiety and I’m flying high. Had MRIs and EKGs and all that done when I thought I drank myself to death prior, with no results. I do feel I could quit again like the last time with just will power. Thing is, keeping sober obviously isn’t my strong suit, even though I made it around 3 years last go around.  Sometimes I don’t think I ever want to go full on sober because I do love getting buzzed and enjoying drinking with friends....my problem is when everyone stops, I’ll keep going or go to my vodka stash 

  15. I posted on this thread back on shaggy. I had 2 and a half years without a drop until last November. Started with a few beers a day, and now I’m back to my fifth of vodka daily - usually hidden in water bottles mixed with sprite. Work stress sparked my drinking again, now it’s just a part of my daily routine and just helps me chill out after work and feel good. Today was the first day I started feeling very dizzy and hot,  just had my first drink and it all went away and I feel great. I know it’s a horrible path and I keep saying, okay this will be my last drink then I’ll started exercising and eat better...etc. then I don’t. I’m obviously full of shit and make excuses for myself constantly. Just thought I’d share, there’s so much secrecy in my drinking, def feel a lot of shame 

     

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