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Yosemite Sam

Certifiably Surly
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  1. Behind a too skinny tree, 30 feet from a major intersection outside the Miami airport. Had just gotten off a 7 day cruise and had eaten like you might expect - cake for breakfast, pizza at 3 AM…sure, why not. Fair to say my system wasn’t handling it the best and I was a bit “backed up”. Sure enough, the wife’s family wants to hit a Thai place immediately upon getting back to shore and before we fly home. It didn’t take long and from the rumble in my shorts I knew this had been a mistake. Rolled the dice and thought I could at least finish dinner, make it to the comparative luxury of the airport bathroom vs the restaurant shitter, next to my wife’s entire family. Mistake. Get out to the car after dinner and I know it’s go time but we’ve got to get gas in the rental. First couple stations look like they’re closed but hallelujah the third is open! I fly into the lot, get out the car and sprint to the door. Doors closed. Friendly guy behind the counter doesn’t seem concerned with the pending eruption and says something about crazy people thinking a store in that neighborhood would be open after dark. I looked around, grabbed some paper from the wife and hauled ass behind the nearest tree. This was a small tree and anyone at the intersection could have seen me and the two chicks parked 10 feet in front of me sure as shit saw me, but I’ll be damned if it’s never felt better to do the deed.
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