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Posts posted by Budkudzu
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On 9/21/2024 at 3:13 PM, Modessit said:My wife is 45 and an elementary school teacher.
While driving today:
Wife: I wonder how much they get paid.
Me: Who?
Wife: The people who fly those jets that make the clouds.
Me: Airline pilots?
Wife: No the ones that fly the jets.
Me: You mean like Southwest Airlines.
Wife: No, the jets.
Me: Commercial airlines ARE jets. They have jet engines.
Wife: I thought they were airplanes.
Me: They're all airplanes. If they have jet engines, they are jets. If they have propellers, then they are Prop planes.
Wife: Anyway, I'm talking about those jets that fly way up in the sky and make those cloud lines.
Me: Those are called contrails. And commercial airlines routinely fly that high.
Wife: I figured it was just a Navy jet or something making the clouds.
Me: Wait, you think that there is a Navy pilot who's only job is to fly around and make clouds in the sky when there aren't any?
Wife: Yeah.
Me: Guess what I'm posting on my football forum?
Wife: Wait... NO! NO!
Soulmate: Look at that plane up there! Where do you think it's going?
Me: To an airport.
Soulmate: Asshole.
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Soul Mate: Go run down to the basement and bring up the step stool.
Me: (sprints to the basement)
Soul Mate: Asshole
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6 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:
Wife: Can you turn the temp down on the hot tub?
Ojo: Sure. Is it too hot for you, or what?
Wife: No, I set it to 105 so it would get hotter faster, but now it's at the right temp.
Ojo: You know that setting it to a higher temp doesn't make it heat up faster, right?
Wife: *Confused look on face.*
Soul Mate: I've turned the thermostat down to 68
Bud: Why?
Soul Mate: It's going to be real hot today and I want to make sure the house stays cool
Bud: Just keep it where it's set and the AC will just turn on more often, but it will stay just as cool any other day
Soul Mate: You don't understand. It's going to be real hot today
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Little survey here -
52 open Chrome tabs on her cellphone this morn. What's the most you've seen on your soul mate's phone?
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2 hours ago, hullabelew said:
I LOVE the 'you don't know that' response. My standard response is, "Actually, I do".
I have the same issue with the dehumidifiers in our basement. During the summer, she will turn on the whole house humidifier on the HVAC and turn off the dehumidifiers. Every fucking year...same discussion.
I'm just trying to get my soul mate to close the fucking windows when the AC kicks in.
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2 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:
No they don't. Nobody sees them aside from your wife.
Yep, the two metal boxes in the laundry closet must match. Maybe I'll get a Maytag sticker and put it on the current dryer.
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I had a business trip from hell this week (stolen wallet, lost luggage, flight delays, useless meetings, etc). Mrs. K calls yesterday while I'm cooling my heels in the airport to tell me that piece of shit Samsung washing machine she overpaid for less than 2 years ago is busted and the repair guy said it would cost more to fix than replace. No surprise, so I agree we needed to buy a new one. I get home and see an order for a new washer AND drier. I ask what was wrong with the drier. She says they have to match. FML
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On 5/13/2024 at 8:53 AM, hullabelew said:
It's the same in every country. Just got back from a 3 week trip to Italy. I count 15 different arguments between couples, not including us. Arguing out in the open. EVERY fucking time, it was the female, bitching at the male. Not once did we see a guy yelling at a female. Bitches just aren't made to be happy, nor content.
You deserve a medal
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debris - Dee-bris
I also thought "soup du jour" was some sort of French soup.
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Purses? We're talking about fucking purses? I had to check to make sure I hadn't logged in to the Surly cross dressing thread.
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On 3/26/2024 at 1:33 PM, Jiggy-Z said:
We're about to have wok done on the main floor and will have to remove the furniture for a couple of months while the guys work on things.
Mrs K: can we put the furniture in an i-pod?
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3 hours ago, Dnaguy said:
Why didn’t she put it on 80 so that the house will get hotter faster.
/DNAgal
She's done that, too.
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Last night, Mrs. K once again demonstrated her lack understanding of how a thermostat works:
She: It's going to be in the 20's tonight. I'm going to turn up the thermostat
Me: It's not going to get any colder in the house than any other night because we always have it set at 63
She: But it's going to be in the 20's tonight. I don't want the house to get cold.
Gotta pick your battles, boys.
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Several years ago, I come home and see that the ex bought Dr. Phil's Diet book
Me: "Is he also coming out with a hair restoration book?"
She: "Asshole"
Another time I came home and she said ,"Oprah said our marriage is in trouble."
Me: "I wish you had told me she was coming over. I'd like to have met her"
She: "Asshole"
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We went to the local Home Show yesterday so she could get some more ideas on how to spend money. She went to a booth selling walk-in tubs.
She asked the salesperson: How does this work? Do you get in, close the door and fill it up
Me: I guess you could fill it up and then open the door, but that would be a little messy
She: Asshole
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I like to go to IHOP and order in German. After all, it is the International House of Pancakes.
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37 minutes ago, hullabelew said:
And deny you?
my dog thinks cat turds are doggy treats
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Back on track, Hulla.
I take Lipitor every day to keep my cholesterol down. It's a lot easier to take a pill than watch your diet and exercise.
The other day I threw away an empty Lipitor bottle.
Mrs. B reached into the trash can pulled out the bottle and and said "you need to remove the label or else somebody could go through the trash and refill it in your name."
Me: "Yeah they can get a lot on the black market for Lipitor."
Mrs. B: tone
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Try this:
He: What's the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job?
She: I don't know
He: What are you doing for lunch?
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On 1/27/2024 at 3:22 AM, Enemy07 said:
I am close to perfect though. What else does a person need in this world but food, shelter, clothing, transportation, and commmunication? I give her all of that when needed. Sex is a bonus. I make her life very easy.
She will remind you constantly that your are nowhere near perfect and then proceeds with listing your greatest fuck-ups. Over and over.
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On 1/26/2024 at 5:35 PM, Nivek said:
No you didn't. But you just pretend you do.
I came home to kids and a slurring paranoid bitch still in her PJs, draining her daily Black Box of merlot. Every evening was a fresh new hell. She still got half my shit when we split.
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12 hours ago, Brisketexan said:
Jesus H. Christ. Watching a movie with my wife around is a 5 hour deal. Why? Because she needs to talk to me about this. And that. And she and my daughter need to talk about Britney Spears new book. And the recipe for salmon croquettes. I am 36 minutes into a movie I started 90 minutes ago. And it’s paused…because she’s about to talk to me again.
I also have to put it on pause every time she watches Sister Wives videos on her phone.
Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do
in Lulz
Posted
I must be married to her sister.