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Budkudzu

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Everything posted by Budkudzu

  1. debris - Dee-bris I also thought "soup du jour" was some sort of French soup.
  2. Purses? We're talking about fucking purses? I had to check to make sure I hadn't logged in to the Surly cross dressing thread.
  3. Reminds me of Mrs K's recycling efforts
  4. Last night, Mrs. K once again demonstrated her lack understanding of how a thermostat works: She: It's going to be in the 20's tonight. I'm going to turn up the thermostat Me: It's not going to get any colder in the house than any other night because we always have it set at 63 She: But it's going to be in the 20's tonight. I don't want the house to get cold. Gotta pick your battles, boys.
  5. Several years ago, I come home and see that the ex bought Dr. Phil's Diet book Me: "Is he also coming out with a hair restoration book?" She: "Asshole" Another time I came home and she said ,"Oprah said our marriage is in trouble." Me: "I wish you had told me she was coming over. I'd like to have met her" She: "Asshole"
  6. We went to the local Home Show yesterday so she could get some more ideas on how to spend money. She went to a booth selling walk-in tubs. She asked the salesperson: How does this work? Do you get in, close the door and fill it up Me: I guess you could fill it up and then open the door, but that would be a little messy She: Asshole
  7. I like to go to IHOP and order in German. After all, it is the International House of Pancakes.
  8. my dog thinks cat turds are doggy treats
  9. Back on track, Hulla. I take Lipitor every day to keep my cholesterol down. It's a lot easier to take a pill than watch your diet and exercise. The other day I threw away an empty Lipitor bottle. Mrs. B reached into the trash can pulled out the bottle and and said "you need to remove the label or else somebody could go through the trash and refill it in your name." Me: "Yeah they can get a lot on the black market for Lipitor." Mrs. B: tone
  10. Try this: He: What's the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job? She: I don't know He: What are you doing for lunch?
  11. She will remind you constantly that your are nowhere near perfect and then proceeds with listing your greatest fuck-ups. Over and over.
  12. I came home to kids and a slurring paranoid bitch still in her PJs, draining her daily Black Box of merlot. Every evening was a fresh new hell. She still got half my shit when we split.
  13. I also have to put it on pause every time she watches Sister Wives videos on her phone.
  14. One of our cats shit on the basement stairs last night. Guess who's fault it was?
  15. Mrs B and I were driving around the other day doing some errands. Mrs B: Turn down this street. I want to go past Brian and Jen's house. I've heard it's nice Mr B: Sure. Mrs B: It was new when they had it built.
  16. I just don't want the house to look good.
  17. Overheard the other day - "Hey Google, what's the website for target dot com?"
  18. I never say "i dont know" I say "I could try to explain it to you but you wouldn't understand."
  19. Follow up: She : Why it the thermostat set at 78? Me: It’s set at 73. You're looking at the temp. It 78 because of the oven and the outside temp. She: I’ll turn down the thermostat
  20. Yesterday was the hottest day of the year and the AC was chugging away to keep the menopausal one comfortable. it was the perfect setting for her to put the oven on self-clean at 2pm. FML
  21. She: The mailman just greeted me by my name! How does he know my name?
  22. Home Office Jollies We have workers finishing the basement and they’re making a racket right under my office, so I take my laptop to the kitchen, move some shit off the kitchen island, and continue work. She What are you doing? Me Gonna work in the kitchen to get away from the noise She You wanna play Scrabble? Me Can’t – I need to get this stuff out. She (follows me into the kitchen, reads a text out loud from a friend I’ve met once and comments on it to me) She (finished with the commentary, watches mom comedy videos on her phone.) Me I’m going to go out on the deck, where it’s quieter and I can get my work done. She (follows me out to the deck, talks about flooring for the basement, comes to the same conclusion we did 2 weeks ago, and asks me to call the contractor to tell him that we haven’t changed our mind) She I’m going to the farmers market after lunch. Want to come with me? Me I need to work She You seem to be on edge, what’s wrong?
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