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BBQ2Bayou

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Posts posted by BBQ2Bayou

  1. 9 hours ago, Celery Man said:

    progress quiets feelings of remorse about lost opportunity

    This is outstanding. 

    Thanks all. Not sure where this little funk came from. I think it's mostly from a new job I started 2 months ago. I'd been out of work for a while and I felt like it would be a big void filler and make everything right when I started full time work again. I was super pumped to get the job and start working, no matter what it was, then some sort of arrogance or ungratefulness took over after I started and then started realizing how much more I have to offer and dwelling on that lost opportunity. 

    I don't mean money as much as being at a place where I actually enjoy what I do. I know that's simple and perhaps unrealistic, but I really don't know what I like to do and it's frustrating. I never have had much interest in anything, but it didn't matter when I had booze. Or of course it did, booze just numbed me. 

    I need to just take a step back and not try to fix everything at once, maybe. Or think that any one thing can fix all the other things. 

     

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  2. 28 minutes ago, Lobo said:

    The others are actually more damning, IMO, to Chauvin.  But what would have been powerful to see would be Chauvin's camera just glaring into the faces of those bystanders barely moving.  But as it stands, I guess it falls off when he takes Mr. Floyd out of the backseat

    Yeah I didn't realize his fell under the car. I hadn't seen any of these. 

  3. I'm coming up on 3 years, and at times I still feel like I'm being reintroduced or just introduced to the world. I'm still never certain what my reaction will be to anything. Like I'm getting to know myself still. Just waking up or just getting started or something. I don't know how to channel anything it feels like sometimes. 

     Normal? I think therapy might be worth a try at this point. I'm not unhappy. I'm not wavering. I'm just not sure. I feel like there's a big void. I guess when my life was booze for 25 years, that does leave a pretty big void. I'm 44 and skipped out on a career or family so I could drink. Now all my friends have families and good jobs and I'm just getting started. What a fucking waste. Jesus

     

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  4. So I hear it's a bad time to buy a house? I'm in Iowa and renting, but thinking about buying. Should I just wait? Will that even matter for another 1 or 2 years? Is the competition for buying going to relax a little sometime soon? 

    I'm in a month to month rental, so I'm fine there. She won't raise on me for another year. I was thinking about putting out some feelers, but if it's a stupid time to buy for a while, maybe it's not worth looking yet? I'm not sure what I could get qualified for either, so there's that. Credit is on the way up, though. 

  5. 20 hours ago, DonkeyCigars said:

    The Last Blockbuster: Documentary.

    Probably a bunch of nerds on here would like it, but definitely a stupid movie. I thought it would lean in more on the business and financial mechanics and timelines of Blockbusters demise, but it was a bunch of D list celebrities and video store nerds reminiscing about going to Blockbuster as a teen. The creators of this stupid show should have taken a hint and passed on the premise when Quentin Tarantino wouldn't return their call for a 30 second comment about working in a video store.

    The crotchety old man who created the swamp thing movies and his unhinged zaniness was the best part of this show...and that was about 3 minutes of air time.

    Stop it. 

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSQyKike-ES5-yfzVoUzqZ

  6. I don't want to go back to keto but I want to go back to how I felt when I was doing it.  I felt amazing, but I'm at my weight to maintain and I'd rather have a little more balance in my diet. With all my experimenting, it seems to me, that sugar and wheat might be the devil and fuck your mind and body. Is this why gluten free has become so popular?  

    I feel like I'm chasing a heroin high with keto. 

     

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  7. 14 hours ago, baboso said:

    Good for you, Clintonaldo.  I got the talk from my doc on Feb. 3, fatty liver, maybe cirrhosis; quit drinking or start estate planning.  Almost 3 weeks in and doing OK.  Funny thing I realized it was it was more a habit than a need.  Last 11 months of work from home exacerbated the habit horribly. 

    Spent the first week sleeping fitfully, now sleep well.  I make "mocktails" in the evening instead of what used to be called "big boy Cokes", 75/25 Jim Beam to Coke ratio.  Now, it is 50/50 Cran/Pom to soda water and I am doing good with that.  Something to drink of an evening and it is nice to not have my hands shaking for half the day.  I don't know if I fit in the "I'm an alcoholic" mode, but I grew to depend on it to some level.   

    Fatty liver is reversible, cirrhosis isn't. It's important to know what you're dealing with. Kind of surprised the doc didn't send you to a GI or hepatologist. Fatty to cirrhosis is not a crossover you want to make. 

    Good luck and good work so far.  Try to get the juice with no added sugars if you can. Sugar fucks up your liver, too. 

     

  8. 1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

    I'm looking forward to a high of 10, sometime next week.

    This is one of the worst extended cold snaps we've had in years, apparently since the mid 90's (which had some brutal winters).  Temps aren't as bad as what we saw in '19, but that was over in 3 days.  This is going to be 10 days to 2 weeks of subzero lows.

    Great winter for me to have moved back to Iowa from Austin, eh? 

  9. We're from the same high school in Des Moines. The stage or auditorium are named after her. She came back a lot and supported the small theater in town where she acted as a kid and stuff like that, so the folks around here adore her. 

     

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  10. On 1/21/2021 at 9:44 AM, Celery Man said:

    on the "chair sizing" topic, worth noting that the Aeron does come in different sizes.  I'm ~6' and 180, have a B, and I think it's right but a C would also have worked.

    https://www.hermanmiller.com/content/dam/hermanmiller/documents/product_literature/other/ap_sizefitref_classic_aeron_chairs.pdf

     

    Also, because I feel bad that we never actually talked about anything but expensive office chairs, here's a good list with some cheaper options

    https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/15/cnn-underscored/best-office-chairs/index.html

    The poor people link has the Steelcase Series 1 as #1 and you seem to agree. I'm in the same boat as the OP. I'm probably going to go with it based on that. 400 seems it should keep me pretty comfortable for a whole day? 

    I also need to get a Veridesk type thing so I can stand. Anybody know about those? I need just the converter that goes on my desk and the Veridesk looks like the favorite. 

  11. 13 minutes ago, ztejas said:

    I think being proud of yourself and being overly prideful are two different things. And I'm not sure I'd necessarily call pride a bad thing. I mean - I understand where y'all are coming from - but when my parents especially tell me they're proud of me it's a little affirming. It's their way of saying they know it's hard and that I'm trying to do the right thing and that there is forgiveness for not only the past but the present is it to not go as planned. 

    Within the program - and I'm sure Bear might be operating on this line of thinking - I agree that it's kind of a weird thing to say you're "proud" of someone because it almost implies that they've reached a set goal or the end of a journey. It's a daily reprieve for everyone regardless of sober time - so if you're going to be proud of someone, be proud that they didn't drink today. That's really all we have to be proud of. We can be proud of all of the work we have put in since making this change in our lives - but it's a slippery slope once you start laurel resting - and I'm saying that from experience. I can go around saying "I'm really proud I have x months clean, I'm really proud I didn't drink today" but what about tomorrow, motherfucker? That's the only day that's going to matter tomorrow.

    I struggle with this a little, too. I've been asked if I'm proud of myself and I usually say that I'm not because I got myself into this mess. They think that's not giving myself enough, or any credit. But really, I don't think I deserve any credit. I was a drunk, worthless asshole for 20 years. Nobody brought that on me. On the other hand, I am proud of myself, to an extent. I just downplay it, and like you said, you have to be careful resting on laurels, so maybe it's a bit of self-preservation as well. 

    Either way, it still makes me feel good and uneasy at the same time. 

     

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