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nnm

Certifiably Surly
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Posts posted by nnm

  1. 3 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

    When I was a teenager, my grandparents would leave for Colorado when it got hot and return when football season started.  I mowed their yard once a week, and my mom and aunt would take turns dropping by their house every few days and bringing the mail inside and making sure everything was ok with the house.  The house was an old ranch built in the 70’s, and like a lot of houses from that era, it had a central courtyard, which they had enclosed to make it somewhat weatherproof. 

    I come home one day and mom informed me that there was some sort of creature trapped in the courtyard when she went by earlier that day.  I was dispatched to deal with said creature.  Armed with a baseball bat, I entered the house.  What I encountered was the largest, nastiest looking possum I have ever seen in my life.  I had to cross the courtyard to open the gate and let it escape, and the possum was cutting me off every time I made a move for the gate.  There was no playing possum, this jumbo-sized possum was angry.  After what seemed like an hour, I fended off the hissing, spitting creature, opened the gate, and went back in the house.  I cracked a beer and waited for the possum to leave.  It finally wandered out, I closed the gate behind it, and went home.  As a result of that incident, I have a healthy disdain for all things possum.

    Fast forward 30 or so years, and the other day I heard a blood-curdling scream come from the bathroom.  Before I get back there, the wife comes running out.  She had been peeing, looked to her left, and, in her words, a big fucking rat was staring at her.  This time, this much smaller possum actually played possum, I got some thick work gloves, and got the possum without incident.  Not wanting to release it in the backyard only to have a repeat offender on our hands, I drove down to the creek a few blocks from the house to let the thing loose.  Driving the car with a live animal in one hand is interesting, but it was a short drive and I managed.

    There’s a small little playground by the road next to the creek.  Cute little kid and cuter mom (think blonde spinner) are doing mom/kid shit on the little playscape equipment.  Mom is looking at me trying to figure out what I am doing.  I tried to keep my distance, but at a point she could tell that I had some sort of creature in my hand.  Momma was not happy that whatever the hell she thought I was doing was happening near her kid, and let me know about it.  Understandable, so I wandered about 50 yards further than I intended to and set the creature free.  Came back home, went to Lowe’s, bought some chicken wire, and temporarily secured what appeared to be the point of entry in the soffit on the back of the house.  Missed most of the Duke/Sparty game as a result.

    Around midnight last night, I went into the kitchen to get some water before going to bed.  I had a little buzz going, glanced up from my phone, and there is a possum on the floor eating a bag of popcorn it had taken from the pantry. This one was bigger than the last one, but nowhere near the size of the beast I tangled with as a Ute.  This one wanted to play hide and seek.  Thankfully the hall door to the bedrooms was closed, so no wife drama.  After chasing it across the front of the house for a few minutes, I finally got it cornered and it threw in the towel.  Back to the creek, and it was late, so thankfully no milf drama either.  Woke up this morning to discover that possums scoff at my attempt to prevent them from entering my house, as the chicken wire was peeled back and the hole in the soffit was bigger.  Critter catcher, who was conveniently booked after the first possum encounter, is coming by any minute, and after he does his thing I’m headed back to Lowe’s to get more supplies for a more permanent solution.

     Bravo. Well done. Three points:

    1) “Thankfully the hall door to the bedrooms was closed, so no wife drama.”  Incorrect. There was no immediate wife drama. But your wife’s long term reaction to the second possum will be even worse than the first one, mainly because she has lost all confidence in your ability to stop critters. She is going to see a critter in every moving shadow now, and wake you up in the middle of the night with every house creak. 
    2) “Back to the creek, and it was late, so thankfully no milf drama either.”  See, this is where the story had significant potential. What surly wants is the milf drama, and the “it was late” was the natural bridge to the drama. Do better. 
    3) A .22 will solve your possum problems. 

    • Hook 'Em 1
  2. Shortly after Christmas I posted this in the "pics that make you lol" thread.  Over the Christmas break, some crazy kids in Van, Tx., changed the name of the local donut shop.  It's still there today.  Lulz.

    B95F66A4-92EB-4EA4-A30F-EB77FCF61B4B.jpeg

    • Hook 'Em 2
    • Like 2
    • Haha 3
  3. 1 minute ago, DaysOff said:
    2 hours ago, Hookem2147 said:
    LOL these times.
     

    When I was 18 in 1985 the Astros held an open tryout in the Astrodome. A bunch of us said fuck it; let's go. I ran a five flat. Not proud of that.

    Very fun documentary on Netflix about the independent Portland Mavericks, who filled out their roster partly by open tryouts.  Highly recommended.

    https://www.netflix.com/title/70299904

    • Hook 'Em 1
    • Like 2
  4. Much harder than it should have been. 

    Wordle 276 5/6

    🟩🟩
    🟩🟩
    🟩🟩
    🟩🟩🟩🟨
    🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

    Spoiler

    SLATE

    SLICK

    SLURP

    SLOWS

    *****

    #Worldle #60 6/6 (100%)
    🟩🟨⬅️
    🟩🟩🟨➡️
    🟩🟩🟩🟨↖️
    🟩🟩🟩🟩↘️
    🟩🟩🟩🟩🟨↘️
    🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🎉
    https://worldle.teuteuf.fr

    Also much harder than it should have been. Shame on me. 

  5. 14 hours ago, Crapinon said:

    There was barely enough room to drive around it, 6 feet into the lane. And someone here might need to come clean....it had a longhorn sticker on the back.

    pic2.jpg

    20220319_133647.jpg

    The driver probably made an entry in the shart thread that same day.

  6. 48 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

    I was. I have the unique experience of seeing them perform both the best concert and the worst concert I’ve ever seen. The “best” could be arguable. The “worst” couldn’t. I haven’t seen them since Coventry 2004 and what I’ve heard from them since then hasn’t inspired me to go see them again. I’ve purged a lot of their recordings from my collection. But I still have a box full of discs that I haven’t parted with. I could go on but you’re too shallow to get it. I don’t like what Phish plays now. But I’ll bet the music you like sucks. 

    I gave Phish a try in the late 80s/early 90s.  I'm not nearly enough of a self-indulgent navel gazer to appreciate them.

    • Like 1
  7. 17 minutes ago, LTtxfan said:

    Browns wanna clear cap space by trading Baker...  Also restructuring Amari Cooper contract.   

    Watson gamble is high stakes stuff...

     

    The biggest surprise in that quoted story is that Case Keenum is still in the league. I thought his brain was scrambled eggs several years ago. 

  8. 1 hour ago, 4th&Five said:

    Hard to see the lines but it’s 3 spaces. 
    01F6CA66-7AB7-44D4-A738-3F4EE18569EF.thumb.jpeg.d7e2b0bf371a9eb8c8bb2ba04030ae72.jpeg

    This is why it’s a terrible idea to give women SUVs. As bad a rap as minivans get, they’re a much better vehicle for moms, not least because they can actually park them. 

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