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Showing content with the highest reputation since 03/25/18 in Articles

  1. I am 2 bottles of wine deep and just switched to vodka but I have to get this stream of consciousness out now otherwise it will die within my drunken mind. Sorry @immamac if I am not doing the article thing right. But anyway, I have been reflecting heavily on this coaching hiring/firing and where all the 995ers have been receiving their info, given their info and basically what they have been told and when. Like I said, I am drunk and liable to get drunker by the time I hit submit, however I think I have a good bead on these aspects and I am looking for your feedback to see what needs to be changed. For reference, I am a subscriber to IT, TFB and 247 but obviously Surly is my bottom bitch and that Oatmeal Cream Pie Puta Ketch will never receive a dime of my money as long as I live, and the only reason I subscribe to the rest is to post to Surly because as you will soon see...they are worthless (besides IT to an extent). So pour another Cutty Sark, order another McRib and Let's GO! -OB-Fudge Round Fucker(aka Ketch)-Lets start with the one I know the least about and have no interest in learning more...there are a select few on this board that have posted Jiggly Goochs info on this site (don't blame y'all for going on OB....but also it is a terrible life decision) but the message I have seen, has been consistent of...they literally don't know shit. Ketch ran with the bullshit CDC statement, same as FCB and others, however he was the first to 995er to hedge. I recently listened to his YAK podcast (Fuck me, that is how slow work was last week) and he could not have back pedaled faster unless there was a snickers within his prereferral vision ...basically he blamed CDC for not being in control and wholly seemed out of the loop. Some of his posts seemed legit ripped from IT, this was days after they posted the info. I think OB hitched their wagon to Herman early, and once the Herman train left the station they were left scrambling, (Anwar being Hermans mouthpiece was adorable). Simply put, they are worthless...HEY KETCH, EAT MY FUCKING HONEY BUN ASSHOLE (Receiving info from admin/CDC and some donors who have lost their self respect) -AAS- Good God Damn...I don't think they even deserve a section but some dumb ass will comment if I don't. Brian Davis and Kurt Bowels are the most worthless "journalists:" that call Austin home. They need to be disregarded fully, they are fed information that Texas higher ups needs to be shared, otherwise the only info they may have is the new special at El Arroyo or some funny cat video. They should be disregarded entirely in all facets of media, unless they do actually find a funny cat video then hit my PMs. Hey Brian Davis and Kunt Bowels...EAT MY FUCKING TAINT! (They know less than a devout member of the Amish community) -TFB- Ok @OnAComputer yall surprised the hell out of me. I completely disregarded your coaching search sources as well as yall throwing out Sark as an option....let alone as the favorite as Super K stated damn near a month ago...I am legit impressed... HOWEVER, you also ran with the CDC bullshit and recently ran with the whole Texas is going to retain Herman and then back pedaled and said that Herman could be replaced almost 60% or better....I enjoy TFB a lot for recruiting and they may be the best bunch of dudes in the 995 sea but there is something missing in their coverage. Also why is there no board on your site? I need more unverified/unknowledgeable random strangers to post some shit (Good dudes and honestly shocked they have been this accurate) -247- FUCK YOU CHIP BROWN, YOU ARE A MISERABLE FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO NOBODY LIKES! YOU ARE A MOUTHPIECE OF CDC, I WOULD CALL YOU A LAP DOG BUT PEOPLE LIKE DOGS! AND NO ONE LIKES YOU! IMAGINE WORKING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TO CREATE SOMETHING AWESOME AND THEN BEING SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT THAT YOU COULD NEVER REALIZE THAT DREAM. NO ONE LIKES YOU, YOUR COLLEAGUES DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU DO NOT HAVE FRIENDS AND YOU DO NOT HAVE SUPPORTERS. YOU WERE FED ONE KERNEL OF INFO SOLELY BASED ON YOU ACTING LIKE A FUCKING LAP DOG. YOU REPORTED THAT HERMAN WAS RETURNING AND YOU IMMEDIATELY BACKPEDALED. YOU ARE NOT A JOURNALIST, YOU ARE NOT A NEWS BREAKING REPORTER, YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE JOKE. IF I WAS IN CHARGE AND YOU WERE MY ONLY OPTION TO REPORT NEWS, I WOULD YELL OBSCENTITIES INTO A WHOOPIE CUSHION AND LET MARK MANGINO SIT ON IT INSTEAD OF FEEDING YOU.... FUCK YOU CHIP, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE WORTH....Apologies to Mike Roach, Nick Harris, Jeff Howe and the others on the Longhorn Blitz, yall are awesome and I cannot wait for yall to get poached by a semi decent site....FUCK CHIP BROWN! -IT- Burton has been a complete game changer for them in terms of credibility and connections. They were the ONLY site to state that Herman was out regardless of any other scenarios. All other sites ran with the CDC narrative but IT did not budge whatsoever....that said they also were not the first to report Sark or that Herman was gone. I think they may have ran a foul of CDC and Admin solely because of their unwavering. It is so brutally honest who was fed by admin and who wasn't. Obviously IT is getting fed by the BMDs but if they are the ones making the move than we know who we need to be paying attention to. Between Nahlin and Burton, they have the only information I pay attention to out of the 995er world. The admin seems to not be as favorable however... - Surly- I am drunk, you are drunk, we can remain drunk...hopefully Sark doesn't. Let's go hire a fucking baller ass staff and win some big ass games. FUCK OU, FUCK AGGY, FUCK CHIP BROWN! HOOK EM!
    3 points
  2. Texas has spent the better part of the last 12 years getting sand kicked in its face and told it isn't good enough, or it isn't back, or its boosters are meanies holding down the program or that Austin is a cesspool. You name the kind of derisive, condescending shit-talking someone in the media, or representative of another fanbase, or even writing as a UT reporter but needing to pay off gambling or IRS debts, could say about the Texas football program, and it has been said. This all started on the evening of January 7th, 2010, just after that dirty, impish grandmother molesting Nick Saban sacrificed what is rumored to be a live chicken and a dead rhino to Lamashtu The Eraser, in exchange for the greatest dynastic run in CFB history, beginning with the immediate demise of Texas via an early injury to its star QB and leader, Colt McCoy. Twelves Years a Knave is a run too long for any blue blood program to endure. It all ends this weekend, right where it started, in front of God, Country, Longhorn Nation, all of US sports media, and that dark, tiny ankle-biter himself, Nick Saban. "But closetojumping, Alabama is the #1 team in the country!! They’re a juggernaut!" Yeah, yeah, I get it. Alabama is 10 feet tall and shoots lightning bolts from its arse. They're favored by 20.5 points on the road. Right. It’s true, when you look at what Bama does on the road against non-conference opponents, it’s quite intimidating. I think we all remember the last time they went on the road into unfriendly non-SEC confines in the year … (checks notes) … 2011. That’s right, Bama hasn’t played a legitimate non-conference game on the road since 2011. That means there are like 4 people currently involved with the program who have actually been a part of Bama going into unfamiliar territory with an overwhelmingly hostile crowd and no “gentleman’s agreement” creature comforts. In fact, in Saban’s entire 15 year tenure, Bama has gone on the road OOC exactly twice – against the mighty Duke Blue Devils in 2010 (62-13) and to Happy Valley in 2011 (27-11) while the PSU child molestation scandal was roiling under the surface within the football program. For all of the SEC tough talk about what brutal opponents they are to the outside world, they’re a generally inward-looking and thinking collection of programs and people, and Bama is no different. Hell, the last two times they played Big 12 opponents, they didn’t exactly run them out of the buildings on neutral sites – WVU 2014 (33-23) and OU 2018 (45-34). But, hey, maybe that is all ancient history and Alabama is lately a rolling ball of butcherknives when it comes to real road games, right? Let’s look at how largely the same team playing this weekend did in 2021. They played road games against UF (31-29), ATM (38-41), MSU (49-9), and Auburn (24-22 in quadruple OT). The Miss State game was the week after they shit themselves on the road against ATM. The other 3 games involved a mediocre UF team going for 2 to tie it late, ATM embarrassing them for 60 minutes, and Auburn’s Tank Bigsby going out of bounds like an imbecile to giftwrap a Bama comeback to tie a game that Auburn dominated. Does Texas face the team that lost to ATM the last time they were in Texas, or the team that rolled a hapless MSU the following week? “But CTJ, Texas lacks the talent to keep up with the Bama Machine!!??!” For the first time in a very long time, Texas will be going up against an elite team and will not have a major talent gap at multiple positions by comparison. In fact, Texas has more starting talent than Bama at multiple positions going into this game. 1) Bama’s OL is an untested pile of poo. They are going to gargle our collective balls after being left in a state of rubble by the “greatest OL coaching hire in college history”, Doug Marrone. Anyone who watched them against Utah State witnessed the OL struggling to get push against the USU front seven. Bama’s leading rusher in the game was Bryce Young and that isn’t a result of either Young being an amazing scrambler or Bama taking it easy with their TBs against the G5 program. Texas’ DL will face more complete OLs this season than the one they face on Saturday. 2) Bama’s WRs and TEs should scare no one. This isn’t 2019. Bama hasn’t had this weak a group of TEs in over a decade, and that’s even if Latu plays. The WRs aren’t substantially more formidable. Burton is fine, but he’s not keeping anyone awake at night. Prentice looks good but he’s not Waddle. After that, shit gets dicey. 3) The defensive line for Alabama isn’t up to its usual snuff. The 3 interior DL positions are manned by big bodies, but also guys that haven’t gone pro yet because they weren’t good enough to do so. By Bama standards, that should give every opponent some upside in expectations. Of course their outside guys, Anderson and Turner, are all anyone on this board wants to shit themselves over, but they’re two guys. The interior doesn’t command a double team, so energy can be focused in supporting the outside. 4) Texas has elite talent at TB, WR, and TE. It has potentially elite talent at QB, OT, and OG. Sarkisian is one of the best offensive playcallers in football. He has the talent and depth at key positions which will enable him to create interesting match-ups even for a talented defense like Bama. 5) Bill O’Brien is a meatheaded asshole chugger. BOB is in the process of doing what he does. He’ll continue to degrade his unit on a yearly basis until there is simply nothing left. Saban won’t allow for that, but he’s let him stay on another year after sniffing around in the market and not liking his other options. That serves to our benefit, as we should expect turtled playcalling and a general lack of creativity. For a defense still trying to find reliable footing, O’Brien is the ideal OC at a place like Bama for Texas to face. “closetojumping, these guys are SEC! SEC! SEC! and I am not sure our stadium can handle their ferocity!?!” The last time a “greatest team ever” from the SEC marched into the confines of DKR, Texas was a dropped touchdown pass via a gimpy and weak-willed Keontay Ingram away from ruining their plans. As mentioned earlier, this is a program that is unused to walking into a foreign, angry fanbase 100,000+ strong and hell bent on turning the tide of 12 Years a Knave, bestowed upon us by their dark lord of a head coach in the first place. I don’t expect Bama to cringe or crumple under the pressure, but I do expect them to be at an inherent disadvantage. I also don’t expect to see many Alabama fans in attendance, simply because most of them have to work in the service industry on weekends and these tickets and Austin travel are also quite expensive for a base of largely minimum wage workers. Also, we’re fucking due. Storied programs are forged and burnished by deliverance when the spotlight and sun burn brightest. Our time for ascension is here, goddammit, and it is long overdue time for Nick Saban and his waterheaded following of fucktards to go to hell and give the rest of college football some fucking space to breathe. I believe the great Texas freedom fighter Davey Crockett said it best, specifically thinking about the cowering brethren he was leaving behind as he headed out when he said: “Alabama Fans and the rest of these God forsaken SEC mouthbreathers can actually all go to hell. As for us, we’re going with Texas – 34-31. “ Hook’em
    2 points
  3. Enough bitching, enough sitting on the sidelines, CDC isn't doing fucking dick but we can! Introducing Surly Horns Burnt Ends NIL Program. This is how we make a difference, if we can get enough interest and hit the numbers that we forecasted, that is a huge step towards getting at least one position group taken care of (possibly two pending interest and people actually putting their money where their mouths are) with the hopes that others will follow with other less appreciated position groups. Bijan, Card, even guys like Jamison and Overshown won't have issues getting paid when the NIL is fully rolled out (hopefully fucking soon, looking at you @closetojumping)or when CDC gets his head pulled out of his ass (Doubtful, fucking moron). Next Steps, I gauge interest through this article and see what the financials actually look like (You won't be charged dick till this shit actually gets rolled out), we get a liaison in the TE room to help facilitate scheduling, we get this bitch through compliance (Don't think this should be an issue but....), then we start to roll it out to the TEs! All the profit is going directly to the TEs, and the website will be handling the money (No Ketch bullshit). We will mail everyone's Cups and stickers and shit once things have been rolling. We will need some help designing a logo (paging @TreatyOak). This is a great opportunity for us to have some fun with the NIL, get some kids some cash legally and above board, help improve TE recruiting and keep talented TEs on the team and out of the portal. If you have any suggestions, questions or grievances shoot me and @immamac a DM. This is how we help! Burnt Ends- NIL Program.pptx
    1 point
  4. As we wrap up the first week of full pads, full speed practice I thought it would be a good time to give our surly readers something to digest over the weekend and going into next week. In true 9.95er fashion, I'm going to make up all kinds of things and nothing, I mean nothing in this post is going to be worth a damn as far as insider information is concerned, but it's going to get your blood pumping and make you think you know a lot more than anyone actually does about what is going on in spring practice. That being said, lets start here. I mean wow is all I can say. Can Sark change his entire offense to just be punting on first down every time? I am pretty sure that after watching this video even when punting on first down that the team. Just kidding - in all seriousness did you see how fun they have made running sprints in practice? D'Shawn Jamison is a grown ass man, and it looks like his teammates are loving what they are seeing. One common thread that we can see from the absolute control that LHN and Longhorn Social Media has put out is the level of physicality in practice is among the highest we've ever been able to witness. No "Country Club" atmosphere to be seen. There is also a strange aura glowing around each of the players as they have media availability. It's a mix of excitement, nerves, trust and swagger that combine into something that gives us a glimpse into how the leaders are perceiving this coaching staff. There is a common theme in every one of the players and what they say, Faith. Something that is even stronger than trust is the foundation that is being laid out by the staff right now and the more we see the players trusting their teammates, their coaches and themselves the stronger that faith will become. Other things and happenings, we have a sighting of Hudson Card's teeny tiny hands, slangin' what seem to be perfect spirals down field. We get glimpses of passes down field from snaps from inside the program like this one from Josh Moore's snapchat: The defensive side of the ball is getting adjusted to it's new scheme, but what is really impressive is how freakish the athletes are and how quick they are to commit to changing their bodies or positions in order to win. Keondre Coburn is now on record talking about what his playing weight needs to be and his goal is to stay on the field for as many snaps as possible without being tired or having to rotate out. We have Tyler Owens shifting around trying out different positions. We have Jacoby Jones flying all over the practice squad stunting on people and most unexpected of all, fresh blood from the outside, Ray Thornton being the guy stepping up to fill in Ossai's role of BAMF. There is a lot to be really excited about right now, the players know it, the fans know it, the athletic department knows it and most of all the coaches know it. I don't think Sark was expecting to have as deep and as talented of a team, I also don't think he knew how hard the key players and leaders were willing to work in order to starts. As cheesy as it sounds, one thing that really resonated with me from the completely open and transparent conversation we had with Shark McCulloch was how serious Sam was all the time. I can't help but think that mentality permeated those that remained and the way every single player talks about Sam and the void he left from a leaders perspective, they talk about the new guys that are filling that void. Speaking of voids that needed to be filled. Another exciting thing happening around the program this week has been the open invitation of some of the most successful Longhorns to step foot on the 40 acres to come back. Listen to what they have to say. There has only been a handful of times that have been this exciting in the offseason to be a Longhorn fan, we have a lot to look forward to. Build the Burnt Orange Cathedral and may we have Faith in the Longhorns once again. I'm going to leave you with my mood right now, All Gas No Brakes. Hook 'Em
    1 point
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