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Marfa Low Crown

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Posts posted by Marfa Low Crown

  1. Per OP's ground rules my main contributions in this arena remain on the shart thread. This thread actually makes me feel better about myself because you'd have to go back to my childhood and a Handy Andy circa 1982 to find the last time I flat-out shit myself. I'm at the store with a friend and his mother I wander around as they're doing their shopping. Somewhere around the lunch meat aisle it hits me and as I struggle to find the shitter in the bewildering warehouse environment where the sign tells me the bathroom is, it's already too late. Face sheet white, pants full of shit, I ask an employee to point me in the right direction. 

    I waddle into the stall and survey my underwear and pants which look they were targeted by a B-52 with a full payload of Saag Paneer from great height.
    Just, ruination. 
    I have never shit myself before, have no idea what to do, and I feel like I have broken some kind of law that will not only incur the wrath of my friend's mom but also the grocery store. Thoroughly panicked, I determine I must conceal this and deny everything. 

    I do my best with a bunch of paper towels that I try flushing down the toilet only to clog everything up. I wait until the coast is clear and bolt out of the bathroom, still feeling the traces of cold, wet, shit in my pants. On the ride home the friend's mom asks me if I smell poop. I deny everything. When we get to her house she asks me if I need any help getting cleaned up in the bathroom. I deny everything. 

    When my mom finally picks me up I break down into tears as soon as we get to the car. I am afraid I have committed a crime against humanity and am going to jail. 
    I tell her everything. She just laughs and says, "It's alright. I know you pooped your pants.". That was all that was said about it then or ever. 

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