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Marfa Low Crown

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Posts posted by Marfa Low Crown

  1. 11 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

    I can sleep now knowing the cause. Cigarette lighter.

    https://au.news.yahoo.com/laundromat-explodes-almost-killing-man-after-simple-washing-mistake-081822726.html

    Shockwaves from the blast caused the shopfront window to blow out, subsequently tearing the laundromat sign off the building. It's been reported a lighter left inside a pant pocket by a customer is what caused the blast.


    mtqyvYJLlaQdFOK.jpg.566ebeedb0ab2de833851e50bb9d4fa6.jpg

    Wth was he using for a lighter? One of these? 


     

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  2. After a thus far uneventful 2023 I guess things were bound to change. I had had a pretty good run going since my last shart, which caused me to abandon my underwear and long johns in an alley on a freezing winter night. That shart had all the makings of a life or death battle and I think raised my experience much like how Ghandalf leveled up when he fought the Balrog. Since that shart, I've dodged countless others through wisdom and superior strategies and my underwear has been as clean as the white wizard's robe. However, I guess I did overlook the rule that says you never trust a fart after about 3 or 4 beers. That said, I popped a mud bubble the other night but was fortunately in the privacy of the deck at home. After a quick underwear change I was good as new. 

    When I went to bed, I had a dream there was an unofficial shart club at work and they were welcoming in a new member. She was a tall blonde in her 40's and was standing on top of a beat up white truck with no hood on it that we were all gathered around. Don't ask me.. it's a f'n dream? Anyways everyone is gathered around and it's my job to explain to the lady what a shart is. I'm scanning the crowd for the HR lady because I'm having some concerns about whether this is a work-sanctioned club... are we on the clock here, I mean what are the rules on this? The HR lady makes eye contact with me and when I ask for clarification I get nothing from her and about this time the shart club starts becoming more and more restless. They eventually break out into a chant of Shart! Shart! Shart! and so I yell over the roar of the crowd to the woman what a shart is. She seems thoroughly unimpressed and I wake up never knowing if I got written up, fired, or promoted as leader of the impatient and shit farting horde. 

     

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  3. On 12/7/2022 at 11:17 PM, HeHateMe said:

    So a buddy of mine put a power point together on this topic for a golf trip.  I don’t have the power point but I’ll give you the 3 step process to relieve ass rot.

    Step 1 - Take the hottest shower you can that won’t melt your skin off.  Spread cheeks and scrub the starfish with the hottest soapy water that you can tolerate.  Loofa>washcloth 

    Step 2 - After shower get your asshole bone dry, think blow dryer not towel.

    Step 3 - Apply a generous amount of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste (Red tube not the yellow) to the tender/itchy area.  Wear some loose fitting gym shorts to bed and get a minimum of 8 hours in before your next shower.  
     

    The guy who put this together is an MD, for the record, and I can vouch for its effectiveness.  God speed.

     If this doesn't work I can make a recommendation if you have access to lemon cookies, a bicycle horn, and eventually a hammer. 

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  4. Well, it had been pretty smooth sailing for a while until things ran aground last night and I recreated the Exxon Valdez disaster in my pants.

    Was out with some friends at the local bar and went to take a leak. The line was long but there's a dark alley behind the place I've used many times to bypass this exact situation. For total concealment I get behind a shed that's back there and let it go. Felt a fart coming and maybe I relaxed the ass muscles too much, I really don't know but this was a straight up mud slick and I knew it was bad. Real bad. 

    The ONLY thing that saved me shitting straight through my pants was the thermal underwear I was also wearing. I'd put them on for warmth when the front came through but I had no idea their dying gift to me would be so much more.  Time was of the essence so I stripped down naked below the waist as quickly as possible. Underwear and thermals were toast, instant toilet paper, pretty routine there.... but the real moment was holding my pants up to the light of a nearby telephone pole. Please, please, be clean I prayed. Thank god they were. I was so lucky. Had this happened in the tiny bathroom I'd have had no hiding spot to conceal the wreckage of my underwear. The only way I could have resolved it would have been to carry them out of the bathroom with me through the entire bar undoubtedly leaving a scent trail of utter foulness in my wake. Instead, I threw the tangled and ruined bundle onto the top of the shed and smartly walked back into the bar to rejoin my friends. I ordered another beer and said, " Sorry, long line at the restroom. Ok so what were we talking about?". 

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  5. As a shart thread veteran I have some issues with this photo. The ballistics of your run of the mill pants-staining shart have you dropping the payload much lower in your britches. That stain is practically at the waist line. My guess is it's some kind of manufacturer defect, or, the guy wiped his ass with the pants...or maybe he sharted on a roller coaster. Now that is another distinct possibility. 

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