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Frank Hammer

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About Frank Hammer

  • Birthday 03/17/1884

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  1. Actually I think it started off like this
  2. I blame my folks for muckin’ up my surname, leavin’ me with a handle that don’t quite fit. My daddy was a tireless, self-made barbecue pitmaster from Austin with a touch of narcolepsy and a fondness for ropin’ steer. My mama was a sixteen-year-old saloon dancer from San Antonio named Callie with boots that could kick up a dust storm. My daddy would chase skirts, he’d knock back whiskey, and he’d spin tall tales like he invented the lasso. Sometimes he’d call pecans lazy, the kind of low-down grumblin’ only a genius or a madman would mutter. My childhood was pure Texas, summers in the valley, ridin’ broncs. In the spring, we’d craft leather chaps. When I was ornery, they’d stuff me in a feed sack and whack me with mesquite branches—pretty standard, really. At twelve, I got my first Bowie knife. At fourteen, a cowgirl named Wanda ceremonially polished my spurs till they gleamed like a West Texas sunset. Ain’t nothin’ like a pair of shinin’ spurs, it’s downright glorious—y’all gotta try it. still, comin’ up with an avatar and name was never my milieu.
  3. Oh we are getting close. I can feel it
  4. I think it started out like this
  5. I heard on the news about a safety recall on above ground pools. 9 kids drowned over 5 million pools made. Georgia has had 40 driving related incidents in about the same amount of time and about 600 players. Over 10 % chance a Georgia player has been in a car incident. And a .0018 chance a kid died from a these pools. 2 deaths from Georgia incidents. .333% chance a Georgia player caused deaths.
  6. Bill was raping, but this is peak television. This same episode is where he tells his dad to just love him for who he is, for getting d's. His dad lays into him for getting d's and just loving him for who he is was the stupidest thing he ever heard. It is such a powerful and relatable thing for parents and kids. It is acted out so well by both, but especially Malcolm Jamal Warner. This master class show of brilliance is tainted is beyond unfortunate it's a tragedy, just like dying at 54.
  7. To be honest bro I wouldn't... Not even with your dick.
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