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Popular Content
Showing content with the highest reputation on 08/03/21 in Posts
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Sheesh. This thread today. Resident nurse: Hey, fellas. Did I ever tell y’all about my casual lesbi—? *door slams open* slorch: ATTENTION! I HAVE A DUMB THOUGHT I MUST FOIST UPON YOU ALL FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL HOURS!22 points
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Whoever thought the card should be too big to fit into a wallet should be shot into the sun.21 points
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The Big XII conference has been crumbling for a decade. It seems highly unlikely that it will persist beyond 2021 with the way things are moving. If you haven't already, it's time to mentally prepare yourselves for this being the final year of the conference that we have called home and been a part of for the past quarter-century, for better or worse. It's time for one last hurrah with the Red Raiders, Horned Frogs, Cowboys, Bears, Cyclones, Jayhawks, Wild Cats, and Mountaineers who have been the source of both entertaining memories and undeniable headaches over the last 10 years. One last dance with all of these teams that we will play again only rarely, if ever. It's time for the Texas Longhorns to embark and complete what can only be described as a firm, final Ass Whooping Tour. And we will. We have a seasoned and talented team with a proven new coaching staff. You need no reminding that we have a legitimate Heisman contender at running back, on top of numerous other excellent offensive and defensive weapons already on the team. I also haven't been this excited about our 2-deep at quarterback situation since the Simms/Applewhite era at Texas. We're going to be good. And I'm tired of pretending like we're not. We're going to run through every team on our schedule and win this shitty conference on our way out the door. We're going to hoist the Big XII trophy at AT&T Stadium one last time, and I don't care if we toss it on the ground and piss on it afterwards. It's still going to be ours. So this is it, I'm calling my shot. I'm predicting a 12-1 regular season. We split games with OU, winning in December when it matters. Just as Texas won the final year of the Southwest conference, so too will we maintain our streak and win our final year in the Big XII. A quick game-by-game rundown of how this season should go: Louisiana - Sept 4 There will be a lot of buzz and snide remarks from outsiders heading into this game ("Hurr, upset alert but for who? Louisiana? They're ranked higher than Texas aren't they?"). And sure. Louisiana is returning a seasoned team coming off a 10-win (near undefeated) season last year. They'll have high hopes of doing the same this year. They'll come into DKR expecting to compete, and they will... for about a quarter. Texas will settle down and pull away, and we'll witness firsthand beautiful deep ball touchdowns from both Casey Thompson and Hudson Card, in addition to touchdowns on the ground provided by Bijan and Roschon. A dominant first outing. @Arkansas - Sept 11 Most of the nation will have missed our opener and much more of the same buzz and chiding will surround our second game of the season ("Durr, the Longhorns are about to get a taste of what they're getting themselves into with the SEC!SEC!"). This game will be much closer and more competitive than the opener, but Arkansas's vaunted SEC defense won't be able to stop Texas from scoring the points needed to win. We'll improve to 2-0 here, and suddenly the rest of the nation (and our recruiting) will take notice. Rice - Sept 18 This game will be over at the half and our younger guys will get much needed reps. We will even see our third and maybe fourth-string quarterback, taking some snaps. Texas Tech - Sept 25 Texas Tech is not what it has been in recent years, and their fan base and team is resigned to whatever fate awaits them post-Big XII. Basically, they're going to get fucked, know they're going to get fucked, and will get fucked during our game when we play and beat them too. @TCU - Oct 2 This will be our first example of a truly hostile conference game environment this year. Every conference away game that we play this season is going to be surreal in that it will produce a level of vitriol that we haven't seen since the height of the Southwest conference. But TCU is special. This particular team has basically owned us for the past decade. They have a better record against us over the past several years than OU. As of right now, TCU has a longer active winning streak at DKR than we do. This shit is unacceptable and needs immediate rectifying. When Texas first announced that it hired Sarkisian, I marked this game down as his "must win" for a successful first year. Time to put up or shut up. We will beat these cockroaches and it will feel cathartic as we improve to 5-0 on the season. TX/OU - Oct 9 For the first time in this game's history, there will exist a sublime camaraderie between the fan bases in attendance at they come together in the Cotton Bowl to watch their respective teams play each other. We will receive a more welcoming reception here than at any other conference venue this season. Maybe we'll win, maybe we won't. But we'll see them again in December. Oklahoma State - Oct 16 After our win in Stillwater last season, I'm convinced that we're back in Oklahoma State's head. They enjoyed a short run where they were beating us regularly for part of this decade, but that's over now. We'll put up another win here to leave them something to remember us by. @Baylor - Oct 30 Like Texas Tech, Baylor is resigned to whatever fate awaits them post-Big XII. But the game is in Waco, and they'll want to beat the big bad Longhorns one last time. McLane Stadium is going to be bumping and the Bears will expect to win. They'll probably even make it a game. But it won't be enough. Our win here will expel them back into irrelevancy as the Big XII dissolves around them. @Iowa State - Nov 6 This is the team that the pundits have not and will not quit talking about. And don't get me wrong--Iowa State WILL be good next season. But best (or even second best?) in the Big XII? A CFP contender? No. Still, they could very likely be 8-0 at this point next season. Their game against OU isn't until Nov 20, and beating OU will be their overarching singular focus this year. Beating Texas is a foregone conclusion and afterthought. But I need not remind you how Texas dominated much and most of the game against ISU last year (and the year before), and but for boneheaded coaching and game management, these games would have been wins. I'm really looking forward to going into Ames with an actually competent coaching staff this season and "shocking the nation" that has had ISU/OU penciled into the 2021 Big XII championship game since last December. Kansas - Nov 13 Kansas is a bad football team with a quagmire of current off the field issues. It'll be nice beating them comfortably for a change, particularly after our game against them last year was cancelled. @West Virginia - Nov 20 One last trip to a hostile Morgantown on our way out the conference's door. WVU made their Big XII debut against Texas by taking a memorable win from us at DKR in 2012 and catapulting to a top 5 ranking on the backs of Geno Smith and Tavon Austin. WVU then proceeded to lose their next 5 games and would ultimately lose the Pinstripe Bowl against Syracuse. Fuck. These. Guys. Our record in Morgantown has actually been pretty good, and there's no reason to change that now. Kansas State - Nov 26 This is our Thanksgiving-week game. Our Thanksgiving-week record has been pretty poor in recent years, and this will be a good time to fix that (as we'll soon resume playing our "little brother" that week starting as early as 2022, and we need to have things trending in the right direction). Big XII Championship Game - Dec 4 The rematch with OU. This is the one that counts, and it's one that we will win. OU could conceivably be undefeated going into this game and eyeing another CFP appearance. We will be able to take all of that away. It's fitting that the two teams acting as catalyst for the disintegration of the Big XII will be the two teams now battling for the Big XII title one last time, to keep for all time. Hook 'Em. Beat OU. And make the rest of the Big XII conference eat shit this final season.17 points
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I think I finally deciphered this sign cause it perfectly describes a recurrent nightmare of mine: 1. Pick up a Cajun tramp 2. Take her for fajitas and margaritas. 3. Get a hotel room 4. Play a little "In and Out". 5. Realize your lifestyle is incredibly unhealth and you need to detox and straighten up. 6/7. Too late. Her Uncle calls you and tells you she's pregnant.16 points
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The stupid in a lot of different quarters on this whole Pandemic is so fucking frustrated. I am fucking livid. Fucking get vaccinated and mask the fuck up. We will get through this, but holy shit. I am so angry and annoyed, that I am almost to the point of wishing that everyone that is unvaxxed will fucking find out. I am also hoping that those who are throwing hissy fits about masks (I hate fucking wearing a mask, but I am doing it because I DO NOT WANT TO GET SICK OR CAUSE SOMEONE ELSE TO GET SICK!) will fucking find out. I am tired of it all. Like many others, my whole fucking life was put on hold for the last year and a half. I have made EVERY effort to make the best of it, but if selfish fucksticks cause someone I love to get seriously sick (they are all vaccinated now, even my brother, and wear masks in public) or cause me to have to cancel my first fucking real vacation in 2.5 years, I am going to fucking lose my fucking mind. Fuck all these selfish, fucking assholes.14 points
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After yesterday's senate hearings, it is easy to see why UT wants to distance themselves from these people. They sounded like a bunch of whinny little bitches. Especially the baylor AD. Texas always gets accused of being the "bully" in the room. From what I saw yesterday, somebody needed to be. Conference affiliation is the last of baylor's issues. The dig about Texas thinking too little of themselves was gold. Nothing but pure butthurt. What he should have said was " baylor would like to thank the University of Texas for the last 25 years of letting us sit at the big boy table and pocket hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars and we wish them well in the future". I'm sure Texas looks forward to having a "seat" at the table with adults (except aggy) and not have to have the survival of the conference hanging over their head. FUCK baylor.14 points
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Good lord. Not even played a single game and y'all want to start firing coaches. Don't ever change, Surly Horns. Too much entertainment.13 points
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slept on it, prayed on it.12 points
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So the way I understand things is this: everything bad that happens in or to the big 12 is Texas’ fault. but also Texas can’t leave because everything good in the big 12 is because of Texas. and Texas has no say in any of this and is duty bound to keep taking shit from all of these schools while bringing in most of the value that generates the revenue in which they share. and they have to ask why Texas might not like this arrangement and seek to leave for a more equitable circumstance?12 points
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Part of it is my new kinda redneck Walden Pond lifestyle that finds me with no TV, but I've never given less of a shit about the Olympics, and the older I've gotten, that level was already pretty damn small. It seems like majorities of people in host cities don't want the games in their cities but they have them rammed down their throats anyway. The IOC is ridiculously corrupt, most of the team sports I care about have far superior international or regional tournaments (World Cup, Euro Cup etc., World Baseball Classic) or league championships, Olympic boxing sucks, and IDGAF about probably 90 percent of the other events. American TV won't show us reasonably cool sports like team handball because we suck at it, and this might be a minority opinion, but I think once you've seen one beach volleyball ass, you've seen them all. I've always thought the normal volleyball players looked hotter for some reason. Why are we encouraged to pretend we care every four years about rich dorks rowing in tandem or dudes skiiing around frozen forests with shitty target rifles or weirdoes rolling big discs down sheets of ice? We don't, not really. And there's a fuck-ton of CR type issues here too with shit like exploited laborers and slum clearance and all that. Also, they are the leading edge of crowd control security and some of their innovations should freak out anyone with even a remote libertarian streak. I was half listening to a podcast about Olympic suckage and supposedly at an upcoming games they want to use facial recognition technology instead of even tickets on your phone. Why? How would that be an improvement? What if you got fat or lost a bunch of weight and the computer doesn't recognize you? Then you hold up the line while you have to try to convince some goon that you are you and you have a ticket and they will probably say tough shit and you would have maybe flown halfway around the world for nothing. In short, the Olympics seem like they suck. One thing I think they should do is stick them in Athens forever. That way you don't have a bunch of grifters getting fat off pork belly projects all over the world. It would be limited to Athens, and the Greeks are very very good at such things. And they invented these games so they should have them.11 points
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Asking for handout prayers. I dunno sounds like socialism to me. I'd rather you bootstrap your lungs like a real patriot.11 points
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Their delusional illogic was that because Texas is leaving for the SEC, that all the Irate8-DipShit8 would all have to tighten their belts to such an insane degree as to squeeze-out/close-down olympic sports in order for them to keep playing football. These mental midgets, by this illogic, freely ADMITTED to having no agency at all, so not only will Texas be taking away their gravy-train money, but single-handedly destroying the olympic (bowel) movement because they, as mindless automatons, will automatically shut down their olympic sports programs (which they must contend put *so many* competitors in the olympics, or something?) in order to throw what money they do have into football (again, no volition at all, mind you), all because "Evil" Texas left them to rot in their own sewers in their shithole towns. A hard effort to blow themselves up to be so "big" and "important" while Texas somehow is not, yet we need you, so you can't go! We're SO HORRIBLE and SO EVIL that we can't possibly be allowed to leave them to Oblivion as we go to the SEC, yet if we were actually that evil, no one would care where we went. I realize half of it was making a show of it that they tried for their voters, but the constant personal attacks by those cunts and cucks (Kolkhorst, Birdwell, mainly, and Whitmire's condescending slow-rambling-drawl reminds everyone of how much time was being wasted) were not only tiresome, but unbelievably gives me an even lower opinion of the TxLege than I had when this day started. What a dazzling display of pathological narcissism by the have-nots in the Irate8-DipShit8 in that hearing yesterday! We cannot leave the Big12 fast enough! We damn well better be in the SEC in 2022 or this "4 years of living with the ex-wife after the divorce" will suck shit!11 points
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He really doesn't have a lot of options. It would be great if the PAC said ok, but not with baylor. 🤘10 points
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Staff changes needed Brandon Harris demoted/fired and bring in an actual replacement. Dude is in over his head.... Andre Coleman - Nothing against him but Samples over Coleman is a major upgrade and Samples is a closer. I'll wait out the others10 points
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I object to the use of benign sounding terms like diddling or even molesting to describe this behavior. More people calling it what it actually is - ie butt fucking little boys in the shower against their will, sucking little boys dicks, or making little boys give a grown man a hand job - might make it tougher for folks to gloss over this behavior.10 points
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I reckon sort of like spelling Aggie - Aggy. Yeah, I am allowed to call them the State Pen Nambly Lions located in Crappy Valley, because they are an evil fucking GodPaCult.10 points
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You or someone else is going to have to explain the "Culturally Penn State belongs in the ACC thing to me." Because State College is in the middle of fucking Pennsyltucky nowhere, and they were at the early adoption forefront of systemic and malicious child rape and general sexual assault which has become the hallmark of everything Big 10. Culturally I'd say their in prettaaaaay much perfect alignment with the Big 10. The only else they could do is erect a Sandusky statute next to Larry Nasser and call it "Conference Builders."10 points
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Holy shit, dude. Take a fucking break. The vaccine is absolutely NOT a personal choice. Getting the vaccine, if you are eligible to, is your goddamned duty as a fucking citizen/resident of this country. Fuck anyone who doesn't understand that. Your right to choose ends where your choice starts impacting others. Freedom is not infinite, and there are a lot of fucksticks in this country that need to understand that.10 points
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Talked to mom on the phone today; eventually the conversation came around to Covid. Mom and dad are both vaxxed, as are all the members of my family. No drama/debate over this. Mom has occupational therapy twice a week and has for the past 18 months or so with the same therapist. During height of Covid in 2020, therapist came to the house, but after vaccines became available, mom was able to go into the office. Today mom had her therapy, and therapist was talking about Covid, and family members refusing to get the shot. Therapist and her husband are vaxxed, but a few weeks ago, they traveled out of state for a birthday party. The rest of the therapist's family are staunch anti-vaxxers, so you get where this is headed. Therapist and her husband went to dinner, wore masks. Were promptly made fun of by rest of family, etc. Therapist and husband came home the next day. Few days later, news came out that one of the aunts was diagnosed with, yep, you guessed it. Delta. Soon, other family members were all diagnosed. Of the 12 people at the party who were anti-vax, 8 have been diagnosed in the past few weeks with Delta. 5 are in hospital. And that's one family.9 points
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Idiots. Cuomo is just the latest example of Metoo, FoxNews and the powerful conservative cabal using their power to.... I just couldn't get it out. See how stupid it sounds conservatives? Fuck Cuomo. Get him out. Fucking creep.9 points
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Not fired, just moved back to the position he actually belongs full time. He was great for us as an off-field coach and helped a lot with recruiting. Sark basically gave him two full time jobs and put him in a spot he was nowhere near qualified for. That’s on Sark.9 points
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I was going to lay off of you, but fuck that. Dumbfuck dickweeds like you are why people think Marines eat crayons. My vaccination meant that I could safely visit my 88 year old father, whom I had not seen in person in over a year. It, and my wife's, meant that we could safely see her 88 year old dad and 87 year old mom in person for the first time in over a year. The same with my brothers, her brothers and sister, and our children. You're Goddamned right I was giddy. Many, many people were in the same boat as my wife and I were, and I'm damned happy for them too. That's being human, not virtue signaling. So fuck off, maggot.9 points
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Just so I have this straight: -aggy leaves, no one cares. -We leave, and there’s a god damn conga line of Senators begging us to stay. If that doesn’t paint a clear enough picture of how both schools are viewed, I don’t know what will. Go get your fucking shine box aggy.9 points
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Slorch I got some news, buddy. For the past couple of decades, the entire internet has actually been one huge experiment designed to find the dumbest human being on the planet. They’re closing that experiment down after today because nobody will ever post anything online that’s dumber than your contributions to this thread. Way to go, you killed the internet.9 points
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“Look recruits, we’re following the rules!!!11!1”8 points
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Jan 6 coup attempt: it was a parade, nothing to get upset about. It's that damn media is over stating how dangerous it was. Olympics "woke" athletes: by God, I'm going to boycott the shit out of the Olympics. If I watch, I'm going to root against America!!!!8 points
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I've always been an Olympic junkie. I remain one and have raised my kids in the same fashion. My current 8 year old wakes each morning between 4 and 6, opens his door each morning at precisely 6:30 (because that is the earliest he is allowed to) and turns the TV on to check the results overnight and determine his viewing schedule for the day. In between watching sessions he is operating three separate one-man tournaments (baseball, softball & 3on3 basketball) in which he plays the role of all teams. It is priceless and I can't think of a more fun way for him to spend what would otherwise be the blah days of 100 degree miserable summer. This morning at breakfast he was commenting that he is going to be bored when the Olympics stop and all he has to follow is mid-season baseball. ha ha Having said all that... the time difference is a beating this go around. Anticlimactic knowing most results in advance. I would also be in favor of either sticking the summer games permanently in Athens and the winter somewhere in the Alps or having a set rotation of (Athens / Tokyo / Rio / LA & Sydney) for the Summer and something similar but cold for the winter so the venues can be built once and then reused. Plus every now and then someone pops up that is pretty easy on the eyes and for @Thujone...8 points
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You shouldn't blame it on the admin. Because when it happened all the alums and fucking students rushed straight to the "witch hunt" defense and denied wrongdoing and got all bitchy and pissy, just like fucking Baylor fans. I didn't meet or see a single Penn State fan say "Yeah, this is beyond fucked up and I'm embarrassed." No, I saw Franco Harris getting on TV and yelling to anyone who would listen that JoPa was a great man. Sorry, that's systemic.8 points
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I never understood why this didn’t get talked about at all. The ref literally moves the ball back on its point when the chain gets pulled. Texas had the first down but was made to go for it or punt. Couple this with the fact that the Orange Bowl reps that were at this game being visibly pissed off and one audibly saying, “Fuck!” when Texas rolled left, and you can tell they tried everything they could to get Nebraska that win. Fuck this conference. I was so happy that day. Our moving to the SEC without all these ungrateful bitches feels like finishing and wiping it off on their pillow. Texas forever.8 points
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Hartzell deserves a round of applause for handling that like the smartest guy in the room SHOULD handle that. Stick to the script and let’em get their crying in.....we all know how it ends.8 points
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Worst Episode of RuPaul's Drag Race ever.8 points
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