If there's a silver lining about being between jobs (unexpectedly), it's looking at your old habits with new eyes. When I got the job elimination notice in late April I knew that we'd have to take a deep look at our spending and adjust accordingly in the event that I end up being under-employed or if I can't find a suitable job by year's end.
Man, just being a "social drinker" and "meeting the gang at the pub for a pint or two" after work sure sounds innocuous. What? I was drinking 4, sometimes 5 days a week? How much money was I literally pissing away?
The friends certainly were understanding about the job situation. "Hey, this round is on us. Relax. Take your time finding a new job." After a few weeks of taking them up on their generosity I told them that the next drink I had at one of our hang outs would be one I bought myself after I had collected my first paycheck from my next job. Some thought I was joking. Or crazy. One in particular was DEEPLY concerned that I was TOO focused on my job search and not "getting enough social time and fresh air." This is the same friend who went through a similar situation when his job was eliminated from a Big Co about ten years ago. He's in his mid 60s now. Never went back to work. He's content with his pension & his wife slogging it out as a teacher to cover their insurance needs & some of their bar tab.
Gee. I sure do seem to have a lot of friends who drink pretty heavily. And when we meet up, it's almost exclusively at a pub or brewery or someone's backyard with a cooler full of beer always nearby. We've got other things in common than just drinking, right? Most of us, anyway. They're all close friends & neighbors. Most are older than us. So their perspective is "oh, you're fine. Why, when I was your age I was staying out until...."
But we do have more in common than drinking. It's taken this break by me to see those common interests and friendships in a new light. Are you socializing or enabling? I'm looking at you, sport.
My beer fridge has been empty since mid-May. We don't have any wine/spirits in the house. My wife has the occasional lo-cal cider and I've shared a couple of those with her when trying to cool down from this heat on the weekend. So probably a total of a half dozen alcoholic drinks in the last 6 weeks vs the 2-3 beers I'd have when unwinding from work with the guys. A far cry from putting a big--sometimes entire--dent in a six pack of IPAs while smoking a brisket on a Saturday. Beer fridge is empty? Big deal. If so and so shows up to shoot the shit 'neath the patio cover and he didn't bring his own beer to drink he'll have to deal with water or Spindrift.
I'm not missing it. I've met the gang at a pub a few times while they did their usual and I drank water. My wife's grateful for the money we're saving, the couple of pounds I've shed, and my improved presence when I'm with her. Do I look forward to buying that round of beers with that next paycheck? You're damn right. But as a sense of accomplishment & pride. And it will be one round. Then I'll switch to water while I talk to my friends. Then go home to my wife. And continue to build upon what I'm learning through this experience. I don't have a problem drinking a beer or two now and then. But I do have a problem if I return to the mindset that my friendships are dependent upon my drinking alcohol with them whenever we meet up.