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BearMace

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Posts posted by BearMace

  1. On 2/7/2019 at 4:55 PM, ajax said:

    I just started a new job. The previous guy they said was a great employee but recently his performance sucked. He left behind a huge mess that I have to fix.

    And I think I know the cause.

    They cleaned most of his personal shit from the office but not all of it. Left in my desk is a giant, and I mean giant, tin of jelly candies infused with cannabis. Each tiny piece has 90mg of THC (according to the label) which means nothing to me.

    What kind of dumb mother fucker takes edibles at work. Last time I tried an edible i was at UT and it fucked me up.

    What do I do with the jellies?

    Are you sure it's 90mg each or for the whole container? Because that's crazy strong. Most edibles you buy would be dosed around 10mg each. 

  2. 33 minutes ago, TexasMan said:

    They sure do like burning houses down in Detroit. 

    I'm pretty sure they have vigilante arsonists up there. They think they're helping the neighborhoods out by burning them to the ground so they can't be crack houses/filled with squatter drug addicts. 

  3. 1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

    Wife and I decided yesterday that we would go to a sports bar to watch Horns play VCU today.  I’m excited because this woman rarely wants to watch sports.  

    I get home from work and she immediately tells me she wants to go to this wine bar because she is in the mood for wine and not beer.  I’m pissed because I want to watch the game and this wine bar doesn’t have a tv (wine selection at sports bar is lacking).  After a brief argument we go to the wine bar.  We get our table and my wife orders a fucking Stella Artois.  I stare in disbelief.  

    Wife:  “well you were talking about drinking beer so much it made me want a beer!”

     

    How are posting from jail?

    • Like 4
  4. On 9/29/2018 at 7:59 AM, Bama Llama said:

    Dining out.

    Jamie's Restaurant, a superior burger joint on South Main across from the Shamrock Hilton in Houston in the late 60s early 70s, used a clever and efficient cure for hovering waitstaff interrupting you and your guests every three minutes, asking "How's everybody doing?" to accelerate tips and the burning and turning of your table. On each table sat a miniature metal flagpole with a tiny raise-and-lowerable Texas state flag on a little cord.  When you needed a waiter, you raised your little Lone Star flag.  When the waiter brought your whatever, he lowered the little flag, and otherwise stayed the fuck away!  Eureka!

    Sounds like Panchos, the classiest of Mexican buffets there ever was.

  5. 49 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

    So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

    This can't be real. Holy shit.

  6. Synthol really shows the mental illness side of some of these roid guys. It doesn't remotely look good or real, and yet they somehow get addicted to it and keep injecting more and more until they look like a fucked up popeye dolls or some shit. Kinda funny how the only people they're fooling are themselves. 

  7. 23 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
    3 hours ago, HouTex said:
    People with horrible body odor. Fuck, in line line right now to board a flight from Anchorage to Chicago and this old guy behind me stinks like he hasn't bathed in a month. WTF.

    Unreal. I'd hate to be the poor sap that had to sit next to him.

    Never fly back from Tahoe at the same time Burning Man ends. Filthy fuckers those damn burners. 

  8. 1 hour ago, Pokoloco said:

    My son had his girlfriend over, he played video a game while she played on her phone:

    Her: Is that a date? what the hell is wrong with them?

    I just shrugged and said: Millenials

    Her:  is that the game he's playing?

    Me: Are you shitting me, you've never heard the term Millenials?

    Her: Minnillials?? What is it?

    I told her I have to put this on the list, but I don't think anyone will believe me.

    torbush.gif

    Lulz

    I don't know shit about web design, but if that were my crown jewel I'd probably start hiring that shit out. 

    • Like 1
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