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Everything posted by Ojo Rojo
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Caption that man's reaction: "White people. SMH."
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I've always thought that deaf chick was hot.
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I've done a lot of stupid shit as a professional. One time I had a hearing in county court. I was representing the plaintiff in a simple collections case and the defendant had never shown up for anything, never filed an answer, never responded to my letters or phone calls. So we're at the hearing, and I ask the judge if we could take up some other matter in the case. The judge asked if I had noticed the issue for a hearing and I said no, but the defendant never shows for anything so I thought we could just go ahead. She asked me, "Don't you think that would violate Rule 21 of the Texas Rules of Civil Procedure?" I didn't know what the fuck Rule 21 was so I had to say, "I don't know." The judge just looked at me incredulously and asked if there was anything else. Rule 21 is one of the most rudimentary rules of civil procedure that says everything you file in court has to be noticed to the other side. Basic due process. I felt like a real idiot that day.
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I was out of town last weekend and my wife invited her sister's family over to swim in the pool. We've only been in the house a little while and my wife doesn't know anything about the pool controls. This was the first time she used the pool without me there. She wanted to run the hot tub, so she calls me. It was a too-long and very frustrating conversation that ended with me screaming at her and asking to talk to my brother in law so he could do the controls, but at one point I asked her if the fountains were running. The reason I asked her this was to verify that she had moved the valves in the right way so that all of the suction and all of the return was flowing through the heater and the hot tub like it was supposed to. We have these two little water features that are just jets that spew little fountains of water up a foot or so. If the fountains were going that meant she did not have the valves set right. She kept answering me talking about the bubbles in the hot tub (which I also had to explain to her how to operate). I was telling her, "The fountains! The two little jets of water on the step platform!" Silence. "Where we set the baby's seat!" Silence. "The fountains!" Silence. She still had no fucking idea what I was talking about. "Jesus! Let me talk to *brother-in-law*!!"
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Had exact same thing happen.
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Is Dirt Bike the new Chad Briscoe?
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It is grammatically incorrect, which is precisely why people are doing it - for effect. Grammatical rules are broken all the time for effect.
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A lot of people bitch about this, but I don't think it's actually incorrect. They are using the word "literally" to emphasize the truth of the statement. It's really the same as saying "actually." Like, "That ACTUALLY happened." "Actually" is superfluous, other than to add emphasis. Intentional misuse of "literally" does the same thing. Though it's true that most people probably don't realize they are misusing the word. Now it's just an accepted saying.
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Based on the information that you have, there is no way to know with any degree of certainty whether your wife has any Easter European ancestry. So neither of you can be right. You are right about the math, but the math doesn't take into account key variables, like the rate of intermixing of Eastern Europeans with Western Europeans since the beginning of time. I think 23 and Me and those things are bullshit too, so you aren't going to get any answers there either.
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The Bastard Clones of David Bowie
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I wish I was.
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I went home for lunch and pulled in the trash can and recycle bin. Wife hears me and comes out and tells me to leave them outside the gate because the service she hired to clean them is coming today. She hired a company to clean the inside of our trash cans. To clean the inside of trash cans. Trash cans. I admit that every now and then if some putrid shit leaks inside of them they can stink, but they are outside and that situation is rare. I dared not ask how much they charged for this "service."
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Everything is always on me, because I could always swoop in and prevent or fix whatever fucked up shit my wife does. But I shouldn't have to. An actual capable partner with any wits should be capable of making a simple fucking decision and carrying out a simple task toward a known goal.
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What would you call a sausage, roughly the same size as a hot dog, in an elongated piece of bread with mustard and relish? There's really no reason for anyone to eat an actual disgusting hot dog. It barely qualifies as food. I've been substituting sausages for hot dogs for years.
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We were planning our Memorial Day last week and I told her that all I really wanted to do was grill some burgers or hot dogs in the backyard and swim in the pool as a family. I basically work 16 hour days and I was out of town Saturday and Sunday, which means that I don't have time to do any of the prep work and it falls on her. So yesterday morning she's running through the day's schedule, which includes her getting a massage (since I was gone the two previous days) and picking up and dropping off our oldest for a play date. She asks me what I want to grill and I told her again "burgers and/or hot dogs." She must have gone to the grocery store 5 times last week and didn't pick up the shit we needed for grilling. I think I threw her off with the and/or thing. Not specific enough. So I finally tell her, "Okay, hot dogs, but not the Oscar Meyer bullshit - let's get some kind of sausages." She fucks around most of the day and then it's like 4 o'clock, time to get in the pool and she has to go to the grocery store. Except it's not the grocery store that is five minutes from our house; it's the fancy grocery store that is 20 minutes from our house. She's gone like an hour and a half. By the time she gets back the kids are tired of swimming and grumpy because they are hungry. I drank four beers while I grilled the sausages.
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I saw a documentary or interview on Earl Campbell once and it was talking about his wife and marriage. It might have actually been his wife talking. Anyway, she said anytime things would get tense between them or there was a potential argument he would just walk outside and stay away for a while. She said he never participated in an argument with her. I'm thinking about trying it. I'm one to get things out in the open and deal with them and resolve them and move on, but going through the process doesn't work with my wife anyway, so why even try?
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Yeah, I'm considered the asshole in our relationship, yet I say "I'm sorry" and "I was wrong" regularly. That "walking home" strategy is interesting. Wouldn't work with my wife though. She would actually allow me to start walking home and would pick me up. She'd call my bluff.
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Same. I thought it was going to be cool, but it ended up being kind of weak.
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Fucking millenials.
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We were at an end of the season party for my son's baseball team yesterday evening. Party ran from 6-8. I had told my wife before going to the party that I wanted to go for a run after the party, so I didn't want to stay past 8. So the party is winding down; a couple of families have already left. It's like 7:50. I told my wife I was ready to leave, which I thought meant "Please help me pack up our three kids and all of the shit you brought with us and get in the car and leave this place for our own home." What my wife must have heard was, "Please socialize with the other parents for another 15 minutes as you (very) slowly make your way inside the house where your husband has corralled your three kids and staged all of your belongings for departure." So I'm watching her through the window meander through the crowd and laugh and talk and I'm getting more and more steamed that she is showing zero urgency. She finally comes inside (this was an outdoor party, mostly) and sees me trying to keep my kids from melting down as they just sit there with me waiting for her. We leave. We get home and I get the kids settled and I'm about to go change into my running clothes when I hear her say, "Oh, shit" or something like that. I can tell she's agitated. So I'm like, "What's the deal?" She says she can't find her phone, that it was with a pile of other shit we had taken to the party. I dial her phone and it's nowhere. I ask her if she left it at the party. She's pretty sure she did. So I tell her to go get the motherfucker. I stay home with the three kids waiting for her to get back. By the time she gets back it's 9:22. I crack a beer. She asks me if I'm going for a run. I tell her that ship sailed when she had to retrieve her phone. She says, "Well I wouldn't have left my phone if you hadn't rushed me out of the party like that." Sometimes the thought of living completely alone sounds like heaven.
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For clarity the SIV virus was most likely transferred to humans by eating infected bush meat. Then the ass fucking. Well that's not what Dave Chappelle said.
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The liquor store closest to my house gives you a QP lottery ticket with any purchase over $50. I was a bit bummed last night to see that Wednesday's drawing has an estimated cash value option worth only $3.43M. So you'd get to keep about $2M after taxes. That ain't "fuck you" money, by any means. Not even enough to retire comfortably. I'd worry less if I won that amount of money, but I'd still go to work every day and basically nothing would change.
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AIDS came from people fucking monkeys in Africa. It was propagated among humans, in part, from dudes fucking each other in the ass.
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First season in the books. Absolutely loved it. Can't wait for next season. I just love being out at the ball field - just a pure experience. Watching my kid play ball was a lot more exciting and enjoyable than I thought it would be. We did Timbergrove Sports Ass'n in Houston. My kid is 7 and they have 7-8 y.o. coach pitch. My boy is small - he was the smallest kid on his team - but he's fast and he has unlimited confidence. He was drafted in the last round, I think, because none of the coaches knew anything about him. Ended up getting drafted by a coach that had him in basketball a couple of years ago who remembered him. Worked out great. Coach and his dad have been doing it a long time and they were great. My son did well - he made contact almost every at bat and reached base probably 75% of the time. His fielding wasn't very good even though I worked with him a lot before the season started. He had a couple of put outs though. We had a really good team. Some bigger kids who could really hit. We scored the most runs in the league, but we also allowed a lot of runs because we weren't so good on defense. Regular season record was 7-2-1 and made the 8-team playoff as the four seed in our division against the one seed. We were smoking the other team in the first few innings, but I think the kids thought they had it in the bag (the coaches and parents did too) and relaxed and things went to shit. Ended up losing on the last at bat. But it was a great season all in all. TSA is really well organized and well-run. The people have their priorities straight. They make it clear that it's not all about winning. I didn't see any coach or parent misbehavior at all. The umpires were terrible and made some really bad calls, but the coaches just let it go most of the time. Or, they'd confer with the ump and the other team's coach and try to work it out. They did have a rule that you could score a maximum of 5 runs per inning. I think it was unlimited in the final inning. That totally changed the game, but I understand why they do it. All in all a great experience.
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According to my dad, my mom is like this. Not even hotels. Home or nothing. I used to be a lot more like this. I NEVER took a crap at school in twelve years except one time when I had explosive diarrhea. And then I hovered and got watery shit all over the toilet, wall and floor. Man I felt sorry for the cleaning lady. Since then I've branched out. Still won't sit on a nasty public toilet though.
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