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Not that Bob

Certifiably Surly
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Posts posted by Not that Bob

  1. JFC people! I said Pam as a generic term. I actually use Vegalene which is the tits. I learned about Vegalene years ago from a cook when I was working at the State Hospital. She could cook 50 eggs on the flat top and not break one yolk.  I don't see enameled cast iron as "no stick" like Teflon, but as low stick, but I'll be damned if I can get an egg to not stick without using some ghee or Vegalene. You people must be wizards or something. 

  2. I need to let health care workers in to my father's house without having to make a 50 mile round trip to open the door for them myself. I am not comfortable giving them a key, at least not at this point. I may be more comfortable with it as I become more familiar with the workers. He can't open the door himself because...that's the reason he needs health care workers. 

    I made a couple of calls and everyone wants to sell me whole house automation. I need one lock that I can operate from an app on one phone. Any suggestions?

  3. 4 hours ago, HoustonHorn said:

    Tough to read that and sorry to hear it. My dad died in 2010 from cancer. It is a very tough thing to watch

    My wife just found out a coworker, around 40, was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.

    Can anyone suggest an inspirational book to send her? Something with daily quotes. She's Christian.
     

    C. S. Lewis can be comforting, especially for Christians. The Problem of Pain may be appropriate now. There is a boxed set entitled "Six by Lewis" or some variation of that which has 6 of his best books. It's probably out of print but can probably be found used on ebay...actually I just looked on Amazon. There is a used set for 12 bucks. There is another for135 but I don't know why one is priced so much more than the other. Get the cheap one. Edit, Six by Lewis included The Problem of Pain. For 12 bucks you can't go wrong.

    • Like 1
  4. 11 hours ago, Spur08 said:

    So a lot has changed in the last few weeks.  The spinal lesions did verify that our friend has Stage 4 METs.  Her oncologist in Round Rock told her that they didn't have a clinical trial for her and recommended she go to MDA.  Jump to this week, a PET scan at MDA showed additional lesions in her pelvis, ribs, and lymph nodes around her heart.  She has started Ibrance treatment this week and will have an appt with a dietitian at MDA in a few weeks. 

     

    It's like an emotional nuclear bomb with each update given.  I'm concerned about her, I'm concerned about her families financial stability, I'm concerned about her husband and their 2 girls.  My wife and I are the go-betweens between all of our friends due to our close relationship with her and their fear/concern of how to react.  I suppose we all feels paralyzed with all of this news and just don't know what steps to take.

    Spur, you can't afford to be paralyzed. It may not be time, yet, but if there is not a miracle of major proportion, and soon, you need to help this family make end of life plans. I had to do this with a dear friend. The initial "do you know where your will is?" was met with a bit of shock, but soon the family was glad that I was "making a list" for them. Grim list, but it had to be done. As above, they can only hear, "Fuck! I've got cancer! Fuck! I've got cancer!". They can't think about future needs when the immediate needs are so overwhelming. If you can, and if it's time, you have to be the end of life planner for them. At least help them make a list of where things are. Where is the will? Where is the life insurance policy and what is the name and phone number of the agent.  Who can be contacted right now to help with the kids? Are there funeral plans? Has it been paid for? Ask if there are people she wants to see, and contact them for her. You can't tell them what to say, or how to act, but you can give her the chance to see people she wants to see. 

    They may freak out and tell you to butt out. If they do, abide by their wishes, but make the simple statement "I am here to help with any of this if you want." It may not be time yet, but all the Stage 4 stuff is not encouraging.  

    My 2 cents in your most difficult situation.

    • Like 1
  5. I don't care for The Doors, but I don't think one can, today, judge a band from 50 years ago. What sounds trite and cliché today was once new and fresh. Again, I don't care for The Doors, but their sound and Morrisons pretension was, at one time, cutting edge. Cool when it first came out. Cringe worthy 50 years later. 

  6. ...and if such is available, get a social worker involved. Most hospitals have a social work department. Most people think of social work as "charity", which in some cases it is, but in addition a social worker will know what services (such as house cleaning, shopping, etc.) are available, and how to get the patient qualified. As in the medical appointment, take notes from the social work appointment. This appointment can also be confusing. What I find helpful is to say, "I am really on overload right now. Please tell me what my one next step is, who I need to talk to, and what the phone number is."

    • Like 1
  7. 1 hour ago, Spur08 said:

    We got some pretty bad news this week.

    One of our closest friends, the matron of honor in our wedding, was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 33. I suppose she was lucky in that she found out by getting a bruise checked out from her daughter kicking her in the boob while playing. A CT flagged a couple of spots in her spine so she's getting a MRI to verify what they are. She starts chemo next week, following by surgery and radiation.

    We have a very closeknit group of about 6 or so couples. We are banding together to provide car packages and what not throughout her treatment. All of us are local DFW folk except for the friend getting treatment, who has recently relocated to Austin with her family.

    My question to this group is - what are some good items to include in care packages? Of course, there are restaurant gift cards and the like but I'm wondering what other things we may not be thinking of. Both of there families are with them right now so we can some time to organize for the following months.

    If it works with the personalities involved, have someone go to the appointments with her, and take notes and ask questions. Almost every appointment will have much detailed and confusing information that the patient can't absorb. Even if the only information gleaned is the date and time of the next appointment it will be helpful. The health care worker says, "We are going to start an IV and give the latest therapy to you. You need to let me know if you start to get dizzy. When we finish, you may have some bruising, which is normal unless it continues to spread. If it spreads call the office immediately. Your next visit is in one week. Make an appointment on the way out." What the patient hears is, "Fuck! I have cancer. Fuck! I have cancer." A friend with them can take notes on what the patient needs to do, make the follow up appointment, and remind the patient of the next visit. 

  8. Took similar trip 35 years ago, when China first opened up to outsiders. Expanded my horizons like nothing else in my life ever has. It was not at all modernized then. Plenty of Mao Jackets and Russian looking buildings. First event after landing was The Peking Opera. The combination of sleep deprivation and the uniqueness of the Opera made for quite a psychedelic experience.  

  9. One more thing. Do it now. NOW! Mom had a steady decline for several years. I made the mistake of thinking her decline would continue to be "steady" and "slow". I never considered that, added to her slow decline, there could be a sudden event that would not kill her, but would render her unable to communicate. I never considered that I would never be able to ask her where her Dad went when he followed General Pershing to France. What battles was he in? So many questions that will never be answered.

    Do it now, and by now I mean walk away from the computer and go charge up the video camera battery. Then call her and schedule a visit...now. Don't wait until "after the Holiday rush." Now. 

  10. Delicate, I would think, but worded properly, which is a strong suit for you, the feeling could be "I really like your cooking, particularly...". Don't know how you avoid the " before you die" part, but I'm confident you will figure it out. 

    Mom made a recipe book for all us kids as a Christmas gift one year. Hand written in a note card box. Being the dumb ass I am, it didn't mean much to me when she gave it, but it is now a prized possession.  I don't know if your mom has the strength to hand write all that. Maybe she could dictate to you...some quality time while collecting a treasure.

    Before her stroke I videoed mom giving the history of her life. She hated the idea of being "on camera" at first, but warmed up to it by the end. That, too is a treasure, and a valuable tool for figuring out genealogy that I never could remember. 

    • Like 2
  11. I know that you know, but I can't keep it to myself. I started telling mom things. Obvious things like "I love you"  (which was difficult because we were not a verbally affectionate family) but also less obvious things like, "You know that white cake with chocolate icing that you always make for my birthday? I really like that cake." Or, "Remember that cool Davy Crockett birthday party you had for me? That was the greatest thing! I still think about it and smile. You really worked hard on that." I started telling her things, but I didn't finish because, although she didn't die soon, she did stroke out and couldn't really understand what I was saying. At least it seemed like she didn't understand. Hell, maybe she had a greater understanding in that state of mind than she had previously, but selfishly I couldn't see that she understood. "Remember all those lessons you drove me too? Yeah, that was a lot of work. Thanks Mom. I really love you. You are a great mom."

    • Like 6
  12. In the dark ages I tuned once a week at my guitar teachers house (Wayne Wood is an Austin legend and a hell of a nice man) which I guess he tuned to a piano...don't really remember. When I was older I bought a 440A tuning fork and tuned with that. Now we have electronic tuners. She probably already has one for her acoustic. I think it's a good learning experience to learn to tune to a 440A fork, but that's pretty old school. If she doesn't have a tuner you can get one for about 10 bucks and it is well worth it. An out of tune electric guitar, wailing away, makes fingernails on a chalkboard sound like Mozart.

    ...and that brings me back to the set up. With a good set up the bridge is adjusted to make tiny adjustments to the length of the string. The tuners only adjust the tension. Once the bridge is set up the tuners will take care of business, but if the bridge is not properly set up she will never get properly in tune and that's frustrating as heck. 

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