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nnm

Certifiably Surly
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Posts posted by nnm

  1. Woke up at 0530 this morning to the smoke/fire alarm blaring this morning—piercing beeping, electronic voice saying “fire!,” all over the house. I did not panic. I walked bleary-eyed into the kitchen, where my wife was standing by the back door, letting in the ~30 degree air, to air out the smoke from the beef she was browning on the range before she put it in the slow cooker for tonight’s dinner. 
    Just another day in the NNM household. 

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  2. https://www.chron.com/news/article/Breaking-If-You-Drive-a-Nice-Car-You-Might-Be-a-15085748.php?cmpid=hpctp

    Concluding paragraph:

    ”But don’t worry, you don’t need a BMW to be a jerk. I can personally attest to the fact that you can be just as much of an asshole in a 1998 Honda Civic as you can in a brand new Mercedes, because no matter what kind of car you drive or how fast you drive it, you can never escape yourself. And that’s beautiful.”

  3. 9 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

    Testicular torsion is no laughing matter.  That shit is painful.

    Username blah blah blah. 
    But yes, it is like a horse kick to the groin. Happened to me in college. Driving down Greenville in Dallas, all was well with the world. All of a sudden I couldn’t see straight from the pain. Never happened again, thank God. 

  4. 1 hour ago, Walden Ponderer said:

    My daughter waits tables here in North Carolina, and she had a customer tell her, "You must not be from the South if you don't know how to pronounce pee-can." She replied, "I am from Texas, where we know more about how to use pecans than anyone on Earth, and it's 'pecan', not 'pee-can'."

    She was raised right, even if she doesn't know how to maximize tips.

    Her next retort can be (as my grandmother's was, and she should know, as a direct descendant of Austin's Old 300), "well, where I come from, a pee can is something you keep under the bed.  Would you like that kind of pie?  Bless your heart." 

  5. 9 hours ago, DCA_HORN said:
    13 hours ago, pops said:
    Fucking plastic heinz squeeze bottles. The force required to get the ketchup to begin to come out is too great and you end up with a fucking glob. 
    I want evenly distributed ketchup for fucks sake. 

    Give me this all day looking over Hunt's. Went to a diner today where that's all they had. It literally just flowed out by turning the bottle over.

    You should’ve had the diner page Mike Hunt so you could complain. 

  6. 3 hours ago, Lobo said:

    "Listen here Sweet-Tits, there's a lot of math behind our pro-forma that I don't want to confuse you with...so let me skip ahead and just show you the bottom line and you can use that extra time to get us some sandwiches."   

    Poetry.  Brilliant. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. 

  7. I worked parking at Pedaling the Prairie bike ride today. Warmup for the MS150. Working the parking is a volunteer position for my son’s school—all proceeds go to the school’s athletic booster club. The parking attendants are all parents like me, or coaches at the school. 

    We had to park them in the Waller County Fairgrounds parking, which is starting to get pretty high grass/weeds in some places, but still parkable/drivable. Most of the folks were fine.  Typical recreational cyclists, understanding the situation, just nice folks. 
    But every 50 cars or so would come the knucklehead that would ignore our directions, ignore the guys in yellow vests and big red lightsaber type flashlights, ushering them into neat, tidy rows, where everyone has an escape route. No, these delicate flowers were smarter than all the rest of the people, and would drive around the attendants, parking where they wanted to instead of where we asked them to, thereby backing up the line into the parking lot even more, and completely screwing up the pattern, flow, and system. 

    Idiots. 

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