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nnm

Certifiably Surly
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Posts posted by nnm

  1. 9 hours ago, DCA_HORN said:
    13 hours ago, pops said:
    Fucking plastic heinz squeeze bottles. The force required to get the ketchup to begin to come out is too great and you end up with a fucking glob. 
    I want evenly distributed ketchup for fucks sake. 

    Give me this all day looking over Hunt's. Went to a diner today where that's all they had. It literally just flowed out by turning the bottle over.

    You should’ve had the diner page Mike Hunt so you could complain. 

  2. 3 hours ago, Lobo said:

    "Listen here Sweet-Tits, there's a lot of math behind our pro-forma that I don't want to confuse you with...so let me skip ahead and just show you the bottom line and you can use that extra time to get us some sandwiches."   

    Poetry.  Brilliant. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. 

  3. I worked parking at Pedaling the Prairie bike ride today. Warmup for the MS150. Working the parking is a volunteer position for my son’s school—all proceeds go to the school’s athletic booster club. The parking attendants are all parents like me, or coaches at the school. 

    We had to park them in the Waller County Fairgrounds parking, which is starting to get pretty high grass/weeds in some places, but still parkable/drivable. Most of the folks were fine.  Typical recreational cyclists, understanding the situation, just nice folks. 
    But every 50 cars or so would come the knucklehead that would ignore our directions, ignore the guys in yellow vests and big red lightsaber type flashlights, ushering them into neat, tidy rows, where everyone has an escape route. No, these delicate flowers were smarter than all the rest of the people, and would drive around the attendants, parking where they wanted to instead of where we asked them to, thereby backing up the line into the parking lot even more, and completely screwing up the pattern, flow, and system. 

    Idiots. 

  4. 6 hours ago, Nuge said:

    Not a problem in New Mexico.  Levi Chavez, an Albuquerque cop, was indicted for murder of his wife, acquitted, denied recertification as a law enforcement officer, and welcomed with open arms by UNM Law School.  The wife's death, the police investigation, and his alibi were sketchy as hell.  

    https://abovethelaw.com/2015/07/acquitted-of-murdering-his-wife-man-heads-to-law-school-this-fall/ 

  5. 3 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

    hmmm, if you like that, maybe you'll like some of my erotic fan fiction

    Jessica Alba was walking down the street one day, looking super fine and sexy. She wore a sexy dress and sexy high heels that showed off her legs. She was feeling horny because she wanted to have sex. Then she saw me.

    "Hi!" she said, sitting down next to me at the restaurant we were at.

    "Hi! I said back, very cool and smiling into her eyes. "You are pretty."

    "Thanks!" she said and now she could see my enormous erection in my pants and knew I had a gigantic penis. "Hey do you live around here?"

    "Sure I do!" I said, smiling. "Do you want to see my house!"

    She giggled. "Maybe just the bedroom, mister!!!!" she said and laughed again.

    TO BE CONTINUED

     

    You forgot the introductory phrase "I never thought this could happen to me, but . . ."

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