Everything posted by closetojumping
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2026 Texas Coaching/ Support Staff Thread
I’ve dealt with Nahlin in person when he’s started himself a heater. He was an absolute pussy. I’ve dealt with Nahlin online when he’s on a heater. He is the biggest fucking badass the Internet has ever seen. That dude should wake up every day thanking God for Geoff Ketchum, because otherwise, he’d be the biggest shitbag in longhorn netdom.
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2026 Texas Coaching/ Support Staff Thread
Meh.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
No one on this site wishes for Texas to not land Coleman if he’s a key target. If Sarkisian has all of the access to capital that landing him implies, awesome. If he’s being signed and then we hear the poormouthing about other key targets heading elsewhere, that’s less than optimal. I pointed out that the guy will frustrate people for the same reasons that Wingo does. I did it in a semi-cartoonish manner and now people have started to develop Surly facts that maybe he sucks and we shouldn’t want him. If the guy signs with Texas, with Jaggy McJaggerson leaving, he’s going to become my absurdist whipping boy for 2026. He’ll have to hold onto the pen long enough to sign the contract, so there’s still plenty of risk on this one not getting done.
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Texas A&M Recruiting 2026: The World's Drunkest Elk
I was about to board the Tron ride this morning with my wife and kids. The riders ahead of us go to get on the ride and I noticed that one dude looked like he was clocking in around 350 pounds. “Man, that guy sat in the test seat and fit? Wow. “ 5 minutes later, they still couldn’t get his fat ass harnessed in and he’s yelling at the workers to “just run it anyway, I’ll be fine, goddammit!” as more workers arrived to usher him off stage left. Shut the ride down for almost 10 minutes. Perhaps because I was reading Surly while waiting, I actually thought “hell, that very well could have been Mike Elko”.
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Parker Livingstone
Hey, man, you’re the Portal Pirate, you tell us.
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Texas A&M Recruiting 2026: The World's Drunkest Elk
The word is out on Elko in the assistant coaching world. Even though he’s making like $10M/year, apparently he’s pretty bad about bullying his assistants for their per diem money when they’re on the road. He’s then spending it all on Krispy Kreme and bourbon and not sharing with anyone.
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Parker Livingstone
I doubt it. I think you guys have been underestimating Parker from the day he committed forward. Texas should have ponied all the way up and paid this stud the $800k he’s demanded. We will rue this day, folks.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
This is a cut to the quick, sir. You’ve made the list.
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OU Recruiting 2026: Burnt Vegetables
I thought this was inevitable, but they’ve been talking like he was committed to staying. I don’t really think Tatum sucks. It wouldn’t surprise me if he went somewhere and did okay.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
You put a lot of thought into writing something this dickless. Strong work. Everyone was doing a great job of avoiding the conjuring of negative Texas personnel scenarios. Then you showed up to doom us all.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
Awesome. Texas is going to push the pile into the middle for Cam Wingdeuce. Chris Jackson apparently has a pathological need to have serial pass droppers with fumblitis littering his WR room.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
Late to follow up here but I wanted to fix your post for you.
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OU Recruiting 2026: Burnt Vegetables
Lucky for you, all of your other position groups are in great shape.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
I, for one, am heartbroken that Jaggy McJaggerson was told to go be mediocre and drop passes somewhere else. Maybe he’ll wind up with $250k from a dumbass program like Tech that wants to claim victory off the field against Texas. I am now claiming analytical dominion over all of the idiots on this site who thought that this reject from Alan Jackson’s lineage would ever amount to anything worth a fuck at the University of Texas. All of you people have been cheering blindly for a traitorous hillbilly born with a silver spoon in his mouth and skillets for hands.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
“Why did you sting me? Now we’re both going to drown. “ “Because I’m a scorpion. “
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Texas A&M Recruiting 2026: The World's Drunkest Elk
If we made this shit up and posted it, aggies would call us liars. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! This is terrific. Elko really is an Ivy Man. He believes he’s smarter than everyone else in every single room. Outstanding.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
Yes. If I felt like you had any concept of what it takes to build high functioning cultures and organizations, I’d elaborate, but then again, if you had that understanding, you wouldn’t have asked the question in the first place. We all know you would spend as much of other people’s money as it would take to land him and damn the consequences, so you’re good.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
Heard is one of the poster boy’s for this era. He is a pure mercenary. Like, only money matters. He’s also fucking awesome. So he’s something of a reflection pool for every program. Who do they want to be, and at what expense? For me, I hope Texas has zero interest. Texas noped the fuck out of that recruitment when he was in HS for the same issues. Hey, man, I don’t think the staff had a role in injuring this guy.
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Las Vegas go hard or go home thread
Not much has changed in the last decade. Probably still The Wynn, Aria, and Cosmopolitan depending upon taste. I guess for non-casinos, the only really nice one that I have been to is whatever the Mandarin is now on the Aria property. Away from the strip? Someone else would have to answer.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
If you’re going to cite stats, have the appropriate context. Clemson and Kentucky last season were not good defenses. Hell, we played both of them and you should have seen it with your own eyes. Louisville as a team rushed for almost 400 yards against UK. He had a good game against SMU. I’m not saying he’s dogshit, I’m saying the numbers aren’t telling the whole truth, neither is the 2025 Miami game, but that’s all most people are going off of to convince themselves that this guy could be RB1. Maybe he turns over a new leaf with his vaginal behavior at a new school. Or maybe a school thinks they’re answering their RB prayers in getting him and, it turns out, that will only be true when he feels like playing. The guy was recruited by a ton of blue bloods because he looked great in HS. He didn’t play in CFB before getting hurt heading into his freshman year last year. Is your contention that he didn’t look good in HS based off of personal film study or are you just thinking of another player? Sooners Illustrated or whatever is the 24/7 site I have access to, and those mods spend occasional time trying to be realistic and objective. SoonerScoop is the more popular site and has the true mouthbreathing mods who have no objectivity. Those guys, along with former players and current dipshits Teddy Lehman and Gabe Ikard, are the guys pumping sunshine every preseason. They’re all the guys claiming that the 2025 OU OL was going to win the Joe Moore Award. Whoops. Davison was taken off the market by an offer way out of the realm of sensible. Tatum wanted to play baseball as well and that was a no-go for Choice. Tatum is a bust with concussion issues at OU and Davison looks like he could be worth it eventually for Oregon. I wouldn’t say Texas really “passed” on either in terms of simply preferring Clark to them.
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Gary Danielson done after this '25 season, replaced by Charles Davis
That was awesome. Couldn’t have happened to a bigger shill. He ruined many an SEC broadcast for me.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
In multi-year form? Even that is hard to believe.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
I think he’d be way better than Blue because he’s capable of running inside and holding onto the ball. He’d probably be the best RB on campus unless Clark is coming into his own or Cooper is ready right out of the gate and is amazing. I just think there are better guys to target without the issue of soft tissue “injuries” sidelining them every time someone puts their hat on them.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
Apparently, Okie State has made Hawkins a priority. A lot of people think he’s locked in there. OU on the other hand is apparently competing with FSU for some APB named Avant out of Colorado State. He had 400 yards last season. The mods are saying that OU thinks Blaylock and Robinson are as good a tandem as they could ever want, especially with Hatton showing up for young depth. Of course, the mods are also having to skirt around saying that OU is not expected to be much of a player in the TP overall this year. I guess we’ll see if that’s true.
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Transfer Cycle 2025-2026 - Eloi! Eloi, lama sabachthani!
I love Bobby as a lead voice covering Texas, but I don’t always agree with him. I don’t think he, or you apparently, have watched much Louisville this year. For one, they didn’t need Brown to be a bell cow. They just needed him to be reliable. They had another top notch RB1 type in Duke something, Watson, maybe, and a solid younger 3rd string guy as well. If you look beneath the surface at his weekly performance, Brown had a big game against Miami in which everyone seems to want to draw their conclusions, and then he feasted on junk food otherwise. He missed or played poorly against any other defense that could fog a mirror and did the same shit in 2024. I think the guy is a pussy and paper tiger.