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M12BH

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M12BH last won the day on October 3 2018

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  1. The irony of your calling me out for {gasp} adding a no CR at the end of a post instead of at the beginning, and then as an afterthought mentioning that "you guess" you'll say how sorry you are about my plight is not lost on me. And yes I was triggered. For someone who is so concerned about this thread being a "safe space", you sure took a lot of liberties with your insinuations. Anyway I don't need to be lectured by you about anything. But thank you for reminding me why I don't come around much any more. My apologies if I've derailed this thread or caused anyone any distress.
  2. Well I didn't. I'm sorry that the order of my thoughts didn't suit you when expressing myself about a sexual assault. Deal with it. And if by putting "candid" in quotes you are meaning to imply that I was not, when I was in actuality thanking someone else for his candor, then fuck you. Mods delete this if it's inappropriate. I'm way past caring at this point.
  3. Seriously. Thanks. For some reason it really does matter that you assholes are rooting to me. And yeah, I count Troph's friendship as one of the better things that has occurred via my association with Surly. Onward we go....
  4. Wow. Thank you for your candor. I can personally guarantee that the vast majority of women who accuse men of sexual misconduct are telling the truth, and that many more of them never bother to say anything at all because they expect to experience what I did. I can only take comfort in the fact that if my assaulter does pull a Kavanaugh* later in life, at least there will be records available. I can't imagine going public with something like that and then having to experience what Christine Ford did. I honestly don't think I'd survive it. By the way, my assaulter was 26 years old married with a kid and another on the way. He was a great nurse and I adored him. So yeah appearances can be deceiving. *No CR please, I mentioned this in the context of struggling to decide how far to take the matter and how it affected my mental health.
  5. Oh why the hell not. I angry-posted my return in CR last week. Now I'm (marginally) less angry. I had cancer 8 years ago. Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I beat it. I figured it was a one-off and just went on with my life. March 5 of this year I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer with lymph node involvement. Seems the radiation treatment I received for the Hodgkin's left me extra-susceptible to breast cancer. Oops. So anyway I am on an estrogen-blocker that makes me feel 90 years old. I had a lumpectomy three weeks ago, now I'm facing a surgery to remove nerve stimulator implants for chronic migraines because they are in the radiation field. I'm scrambling to get that done around the hospital closures. Then I get 20 weeks of chemo. Then 4 weeks of radiation. Then ten years of this estrogen-blocker medicine. No that was not a typo. Ten years. I don't think I'm willing to do that. If I die 10 years earlier or even 20 years, so be it. I have no interest in feeling like this until I'm 100. I'd rather feel good and live to 70. My husband is freaked out about this, which makes things worse. I've dealt with depression all my adult life. After the cancer incident I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety. I didn't even know what anxiety was before then. I ate stress for breakfast. Apparently PTSD after cancer treatment is fairly common and affects about 1 in 4 survivors. When I told my oncologist about it at the time, he said, "Oh yeah, that can happen." How about saying something about it then? Anyhoo, I've been working very hard for the last eight years to get my life together. Now this. I mean, how do you get over PTSD when the Ts keep happening? I think I should just start calling it TSD. I'm on an anti-depressant, an anti-anxiety, receive weekly talk therapy, and I meditate and exercise and do yoga daily. I avoid sugar, I eat mostly clean. I do what I can. Did I mention I was sexually assaulted by a healthcare provider while I was sedated for a migraine therapy last year? I reported him to the nursing board. Nothing. No proof. I reported it to the doctor. Nothing. No proof. They nurse said I imagined it. Motherfucker still has his job. Anyway the next time you wonder why women don't always report these things, and then get so furious when we get victim-shamed, this is why. I went through a lot of time and hassle and humiliation just to see him get off with nothing but a note in his file. But I digress. I'm irrationally afraid of getting Covid. Technically I'm not at any more risk than anyone else, but it would play hell with my treatment plan and pretty soon I'm going to be immunocompromised which will make the odds worse. I am irrationally angry with the president, the governor, and those who won't wear mask. I can't concentrate at work, and I have a job which requires a high degree of accuracy and decision-making skills, both of which are impaired by the medication and my mood. I do work at home so that helps. I fantasize about being confronted about my mask so I can attempt to beat the shit out of someone. Yeah I'm a 57 year old woman but I'm a singer and a guitar player in a rock band, goddammit,so I can hold my own in a confrontation. I want to scream at everyone. I pick fight with friends of friends on Facebook because I swore to myself I wouldn't post political shit on my own page so I created my own loophole. I work in the financial services field so I need to be really careful about that in case someone doxes me. I mostly stick to telling Trump supporters they are idiots, but you can't be too careful these days. You know, I don't even like many of y'all. I go all the way back to the original Hornfans. Got hooked on the "USC Cheerleader Travels" thread, or whatever the hell it was. Since then I've aged and it seems the board hasn't, and I find most posters to be insufferably immature and misogynist. So I lurk on the football thread just to keep tabs on 'sup, and sometimes on Daily Texan because a lot of those threads seem to have the inside scoop on things, and sometimes, when I'm feeling masochistic, I check out the Cloak Room. I feel like every time I get close to happiness, something knocks me back. I have a pretty crazy history with both physical and mental trauma that I won't go into here but let's just say if I wrote a movie about my life I don't think anyone would believe it. Especially the timing. It seems like I'm always on the verge of something good when something catastrophic happens. The first time I got cancer it derailed my life. Recovered and went through a tough marital period that we seem to have conquered. Got over that, started getting better, then the assault. Tried to deal with that, made some headway. Started a great music project - connections in Austin, L.A., and Chicago. FIVE DAYS after I launched my new site and unveiled my schedule of gigs, I get the cancer diagnosis. The next week, shit starts shutting down. Musically I may be finished. I mean, I look pretty damn good for 57 if I do say so myself (no pics, asswipes) but I have a limited shelf life for doing what I love, which is singing live. At least in pretentious Austin. I might have a chance on the blues circuit in Chicago. But I don't live in Chicago and I can't move there. I'm not expecting y'all to magically solve all my problems, but I just need to get it all out. I did feel marginally better after I posted in CR so I thought I'd try it here where the audience is a little less, ahem, judgy. So thanks for listening, and I wish all of you health and peace.
  6. Yeah I'm still around. I quit posting for a number of reasons. But I feel compelled to share this: I survived Hodgkin's Lymphoma 8 years ago. Didn't look back. Many of you may remember my sharing my journey (I used to be McAllan12'sBetterHalf, and my husband, who is apparently a lot smarter than me in this regard, blew y'all off a long time ago.) On March 5 this year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had surgery three weeks ago and we are evaluating my options for further treatment. I will say to anyone who does not or will not wear a mask, and expects me to just sit at home on lockdown (which I can't do anyway because of doctor appointments) so you can go to Costco and get your fucking Pringles or to Chili's for your fucking wings or to get your goddam haircut without being bothered to cover your face for 15 minutes because "muh freedums!" I hope you get fucked in the ass with a hot poker and then get Covid and die the most horrible death possible. In that order. No, check that. I hope you get Covid, have a hellish six weeks on a ventilator, and then end up with COPD and all sorts of other horrible auto-immune and lung diseases that make your life miserable for then next 30 years and then die in a lingering and painful way. Harsh? Tough fucking shit. I am showing you the same regard and respect you're showing me. None. And there are too many ignorant pricks who seem to think that either you are old and die in 5 minutes if you get Covid, and those people should just be shut-ins until there is a vaccine, or that you are asymptomatic and will be fine. I'd love for you to experience first hand that there are other outcomes. So yeah, just brush aside the fact that mortality rates haven't risen with this last surge (yet) as evidence that you can act like a fucking toddler who doesn't want to do something just to show that you don't have to listen to mommy all of the time. I hope you suffer the consequences ten-fold. One last thing before someone chimes in with faux concern for my mental health. Yeah I know it ain't good. Yeah I"m angry. Furious, even. The President of the country I live in, and the Governor and Lt. Governor of the state I live in, want to kill me. If that's not grounds to want to throttle someone with my bare hands I don't know what is. And yes I have all the personal support I could need or want. It still doesn't do any good when I've got cancer in the middle of a fucking pandemic and a good percentage of the people around me have as much regard for my health and safety as they would a piece of trash on the street. OK I'm out for another two years or unless I croak first. At this rate given the way things are going it's debatable as to which I'd prefer.
  7. Yeah I think he's done. When he advocates for Georgia, Missouri, Alabama, or any other jurisdiction to commandeer his fluids to save an INNOCENT PERSON I'll listen to what he has to say about what can be done with my fluids. Until then, I guess he can just mumble into his beer about his apparently unresolved issues with how women treat men. I'll continue to open my own doors (not that I don't appreciate a little chivalry now & then, I am after all a Texas girl), buy my own shoes and purses and have autonomy over my own insides. Beats the hell out of the alternative. Y'all have a nice holiday and thank you to all who served to preserve ALL our freedoms.
  8. If you think your child inside your locked house is in danger and needs to be protected with lethal force from a kid outside with a paintball gun then you are even a more fearful person than I imagined. “Script” indeed. When you’ve got something other than “It’s MURDER!!”, while not even being able to provide a cogent definition of what you consider this word to mean, get back to us.
  9. LOL. He has no say over what happens within a woman’s body ever. Before conception, after conception, before birth, after birth. That’s the whole fucking point. There is nothing inconsistent with this position. Once there is an actual, you know, person that exists outside the woman, to whom he is biologically linked, is when he is on the hook. It’s not that difficult to comprehend for anyone with a modicum of intelligence and understanding of biology.
  10. Hey I guess we should be grateful that he took time out from justifying the use of lethal force against a teenager threatening a dude with a paintball gun from said dude’s front yard. It takes a special kind of manly man to be afraid of a kid with a paintball gun while you’re inside your locked house to the point that you can rationalizing killing him. If that same “person” was inside another person literally sucking the life out of the latter, then the former must be protected. Cult of the fetus.
  11. Who's going to pay for it? Not the men undergoing the procedure, of course. Undue burden.
  12. They aren't. I feel really sad for him, honestly. But that which is contained within his girlfriend's body at her discretion is not legislated by his fee-fees.
  13. Yeah, I've never been into the whole brevity thing.
  14. So are you saying he should not be on the hook at all, or that he should be on the hook from conception? Because anything else is illogical as hell if you care for the life and wellbeing of the unborn. Well, illogical or callous, take your pick. Someone other than the pregnant woman having responsibilities to a child after birth, but not before, is completely consistent with the position that a woman controls what happens inside her body during pregnancy. If she does indeed have this control, and the father does not, then it stands to reason he should have no responsibilities either. During pregnancy. On edit - for someone who claims to abhor political gymnastics you sure play a lot of them. With the lives of the fetuses you claim to care for so much. Unless you really believe that child support for born children should not be mandatory. Which I don't believe you do, because if you did, that would make you a dick. And though you might be, it's probably not for that reason.
  15. They don't want to pay for fetuses either. I bet that if prenatal care was subsidized, the number of abortions would decrease. If that's actually the goal, I mean. Really the notion of legal child support only after a child is born is completely consistent with the pro-choice position, it's just that those arguing otherwise are too dumb to see it. Here's a handy cheat sheet for the logic-impaired: Before conception: Male has rights to and and responsibility for his penis and semen, female has rights to and responsibility for her uterus and whatever is in it During pregnancy: Male has rights to and responsibility for his penis and semen, female has rights to and responsibility for her uterus and whatever is in it If a child is born: Male has rights to and and responsibility for his penis and semen, female has rights to and responsibility for her uterus and whatever is in it. AND both male and female have rights and responsibilities concerning the child which is now a separate being. Anyone arguing that either parent should not have responsibility for the product of a pregnancy is certainly not going to be advocating a position that will reduce the number of abortions. If that's actually the goal, I mean. BTW it's my 14th wedding anniversary today. Not bad for a chick who has no notion of responsibility of accountability, amirite?
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