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AM Wood

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Everything posted by AM Wood

  1. welp, that's fucking annoying. mine tells a story and only says the highlights that she thinks are important. more than half the important information she figures you already know because it's in her mind. most of the time i have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but i nod yes and raise eyebrows and stuff so i don't have to hear about it anymore.
  2. This will come up in their future therapy often.
  3. on a similar note, we are invited to my wife's brother's house for my birthday. they know the wife and i eat low carb/keto, but i sure as hell wouldn't push that on somebody kind enough to invite us over. this time her spaz of a brother says "oh, and my is making you a keto banana bread. yeah man! it's keto. you'll be able to eat it." I asked my wife to tell them not to do it but thank you very much for the kind offer. Nope, made it anyway. i know they are class A idiots, so i'm suspect of the bread. But, i'm sort of forced now (because they made the fucker for me) to eat a few bites of this cake. of course it's sickeningly sweet. me: "wow, this is sweet. this is keto?" her: "yeah" me: "what did you use to give it the banana flavor?" her: "bananas." me: "what did you use as a sweetener?" her: "honey."
  4. Does she have tits? I’m asking you... does she?!?!
  5. They are the Rosa Parks of the bidet movement.
  6. This should be in the holy shit thread.
  7. WhyTF did I sit through 6 minutes of that Nepal airport YouTube with no pay off?
  8. All I got out of this is either she has big feet or you have small feet. My wife wears a size 5. I wear a size 15. She's not wearing my flip flops anywhere. What are you? A yeti?
  9. honestly, i don't get the warm water and ass dryer. i live in michigan where during the winter the water is ice cold. my bunghole could literally give a shit 9shitty pun intended). and the ass blow dryer? first of all it won't even be as strong as a hair dryer. and b) who wants to sit there for 15 minutes waiting for your ass to dry? just dab it with tp and call it a day. 15 seconds.
  10. I know it’s not okay to hit a woman under almost any circumstance. But man, this one is on shaky ground.
  11. he's growing a siamese head out of the top of his head.
  12. I’m sorry that you’re poor and don’t have a second bathroom.
  13. Hopefully it’s just the Alzheimer’s kicking in.
  14. Dudes, it’s not the stupid husband thread. The easiest way to shut her dumb ass up would be to say “why don’t you go ask your daughter who’s underwear those are and leave me the fuck out of this.”
  15. I don’t get this. Why doesn’t she ask your daughter if the panties belong to her? Or better yet, wasn’t she the one that bought them in the first place? Or does your 7 year old daughter go around buying her own underwear?
  16. my step brother kenny is missing an entire arm and he broke out of prison for a day.
  17. if they're so smart why don't the build a ladder to get out of that pool at seaworld?
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