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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Posts posted by RDCanecutter

  1. 13 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

    Whenever I hear anything by REO Speedwagon, I feel like I am a small-town girl from Kansas who married the guy who knocked me up, and he joined the Air Force, and now we live in Enlisted Quarters Housing at some base, that if not in Kansas, also looks like Kansas, and my entire life feels as if I'm standing here in the base laundromat, forever folding clothes in a cloud of laundry detergent smell, looking out the window at the brown fields.

    And seemingly overnight my legs got fat as hell.

  2. Whenever I hear anything by REO Speedwagon, I feel like I am a small-town girl from Kansas who married the guy who knocked me up, and he joined the Air Force, and now we live in Enlisted Quarters Housing at some base, that if not in Kansas, also looks like Kansas, and my entire life feels as if I'm standing here in the base laundromat, forever folding clothes in a cloud of laundry detergent smell, looking out the window at the brown fields.

    • Like 2
    • Haha 1
  3. 32 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

    Greatest shitty band - Ramones?

    The next to last song I ever played with my band in Austin was a punkabilly version of Yellow Rose of Texas. We played it fast. Real fast. Folks whooped and hollered.

    When we immediately segued into I Wanna Be Sedated, same tempo, people jumped on the freaking tables. We were nobody. A garage band. But they jumped on the tables.

    Posse East, 2000.

    • Like 1
  4. I grew up driving around slowly on first dates blasting "Kashmir", so all respect there, but I will tell you that if you listen to at least 4 Led Zeppelin albums straight through as a full-grown man, at some point your mind peeks to see the men behind the green curtain, and they look like junkies sleeping on mattresses in a garage apartment squat, attempting to seduce 14-year-olds out of their lunch money so they can buy their next fix.

    • Like 1
  5. 18 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

     I have been requested to sit for a deposition next week.  While I don't have any problem doing so, I also want to make it as costly and difficult for the other side as possible.

    OK, I assume that the lawyers deposing you are billing their client by the hour.

    Demand frequent extended bathroom breaks. During these breaks, do NOT pee, just drink water. This will make it easier to wet yourself later in the deposition, requiring lengthy clean-up while you loudly reassure them from the bathroom that you are almost "there".

    How is your Southern accent? We are talking Foghorn Leghorn or Tom Hanks in Ladykillers Southern. It will help if it is thick enough that it botches their transcription efforts, but the main reason to use it is that it will help you slide into the role of raconteur, a la the father in Big Fish. No question can be answered without first digressing into how everyone there must be fourth cousins, heart-warming memories of Mammie's cooking before walking to school, allusions to Caesar's Gallic Wars as it relates to Jimmy Bodeen's attempts to make that old Chevy spin its tires as Bowl-Head and Eye-Ball poured bleach on the pavement, followed by a polite rambling request that they repeat the question. Sip from a flask.

    • Like 7
  6. 2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


    You think YOU’LL miss him? Think of his jew lawyer.

    Possibly. My guess is that Roy is a slow-pay no-pay type of guy, Jeeeewwwlawyer was most likely done with him, and that's why The Sentient Chin was the lawyer who did things like go on national TV for him (easy squeezy Lemon-peasy), and is also (in my mind, don't sue me Moore campaign) still waiting for his cut of the mail-in grammaw money.

  7. 17 hours ago, Neonmoon said:

    I think Yelp is garbage and the people who spend time to write Yelp reviews are insane. 

    I think what this man thinks. Yelp reviews are like aggy online polls.

    • Like 1
  8. You don't want a rock. You want a big-ass hole. If the sprinkler system is broken, soon your big-ass hole will be a mud pit. Make it a deep enough mud pit, and soon you might have your own big-ass truck, stalled there as a warning to others like a bandit's head on a pike.

  9. On 12/8/2018 at 5:08 PM, orangecat92 said:

    ....invited guests into our home.  Husband met our two dogs earlier that day, said he liked dogs.  He decided to try to take a ball out of one dog's mouth.  dog bit him, two marks on his hand, no blood. dog had shots in July.   He left town, and we promised to pay for a dr. visit should he need one.  He has a step-daughter who is a nurse, so hoping she talks him down a bit.    Guy seemed ok, but now I wonder if he is a gold-digger.  Any advice? 

     

     

    Invite him back over, keep the dogs caged up, and have a friendly beer and laugh about it like two grown men.

    Then when the rohypnol knocks him out, make some video of him and a midget stripper who is pretending to "gnaw" all over him, if you catch my drift.

    • Like 1
  10. On 12/7/2018 at 8:17 PM, Brothahorn said:

    Figured some of you guys would get a kick out of this. And some of you may need to not be that guy.

    https://www.reddit.com/r/CryptoCurrency/comments/a3rh6u/lessons_learned_crypto_and_divorce_in_january_i/ 

    Lessons learned - Crypto and Divorce - In January I was a millionaire thanks to BTC, then my wife divorces me and now I have $30,000 AMA

     

    I made it about three lines before my eyes glazed over. If the dude's conversational style is like his writing style, no wonder she took his shit and scooted.

    In a personal vein, whenever I think of lost opportunities back in the 80s and 90s, I remember that the mid-90s were the Great Canecutter's Girlfriend Steals Everything and Runt Oft singularity. If I'd had more, she'd have grabbed that too.

  11. 1 hour ago, Okie State said:

    My 5 year old can name every state so I really can't comprehend how this is a thing.

    I predict that your 5 year old will grow up, fill out some job applications, and they won't be for jobs at the DMV.

    • Like 3
  12. 1 minute ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

    The only thing worse than having to root for GA and watching them choke at the end was listening to Gary Danielson for over an hour.  His pro-SEC to pro-Bama schtick is so Gdamn tiring.   

    Counterpoint: He pronounces Alabama as "Ellabemma", which, along with Saban saying "execution", is a drinking game cue at our house.

    • Like 1
    • Haha 1
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