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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Posts posted by RDCanecutter

  1. On 4/6/2018 at 10:38 AM, pantone159 said:

    Start eating smoked eels?

     

    Are those anything like those hard rindy boogers with blood on them that you can blow out of your nose in the shower once the water heats up the air? The kind that get stuck in your molars and you have to lick and lick before they're all gone? Because if they are, I guess I'll try them.

  2. 4 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

    Since aggy is the only SEC school that does that crap, that's a dead giveaway. Kinda like if you see a crab wearing an old refried beans can, you can be pretty sure it's a hermit crab.

    And a crab wearing a refried beans can on it that has an SEC logo?

  3. 1 hour ago, Ben Tobin said:

    Careful or you'll have some poor man's Lewis Grizzard questioning your knowledge of the Civil War.

    I'm so vain, I probably think this song is about me.

    I like it. I'm stealing it. Will pos-rep you when I can, Ben.

    • Haha 1
  4. I was in the Red River Cafe and saw this goofy guy sitting with a woman who was an 11. I mean, the guy was almost deformed-looking goofy, big old Popeye chin. I noticed that all the people around him were a little too nonchalant, so I figured he was famous.

    Later found out I'd been having some food, and looking at Quentin Tarantino.

  5. I was paddling down Barton Creek about 2001. A guy in a canoe came upstream. It was Leslie. He had a 12-pack of beer. He gave me one. Said he was paddling around giving everybody a beer.

    • Like 1
  6. OK, a few years ago I had a woman show up on FB and say she thought we were long-lost half-siblings. She offered to pay for me to take 23andMe test, which I did.

    We were actually cousins, and she was able to figure out that another guy in the family had been the dad. So far, so good.

    Well, no huge surprises in my ancestry report. I pretty much look like what they say I am. Among the European part, there was a 7.4% "French/German" part, which is pretty damn vague. I figured I would just add (more) wine into the daily mix, and act a little (more) superior, and done. I'd be a credit to my 7.4% French/German ancestors.

    Well, yesterday I got an email from 23andMe, said they had improved their tests to narrow things down to more specific regions. My 7.4% French/German readout was now 7.4%...

     

     

    Dutch.

    I mean, dammit, how do I even start to process that?

    I am scared. I feel cold. I need the wisdom of the Surl. I need a checklist of how to be 7.4% Dutch. So far I have:

    --ride a bicycle without a helmet

    --sell weed to tourists

    --speak English

    --Try not to think about my cousin hanging out with Rocko. Or maybe I don't even care. Do Dutch people feel things the way we do?

     

    What else?

    • Like 1
    • Haha 1
  7. On 4/4/2018 at 10:11 PM, Grandioso said:

    ^^^ That woman is ignorant. Reptilians can manipulate human genetic coding! You think they couldn't beat a dumb DNA test? Not to mention the fact that thousands of years ago, reptilians interbred with humans so there's tons of overlap in DNA anyways. I'm embarrassed for that woman.

    Not to mention that reptilians run all the DNA testing places, so they can breed more of us for food.

    • Like 1
  8. 21 hours ago, OU Sucks said:

    This is really odd. England has a castle doctrine allowing for necessary force to defend oneself. The burglar only had one stab wound. The other burglar isn't around to say there was excessive force, either. So how did they come up with a murder charge?

    Victim was a Saxon peasant, not allowed to poach burglars on the Norman noble's land.

    • Like 1
    • Haha 1
  9. I went cashless for a few years a while back. I wasn't all high-tech, I just used my debit card everywhere. There's a local bar that all the cooler-than-Canecutter guys would rave about, the bar was 100% cash, and I'd throw a little fit because i didn't carry cash.

    Then I got hacked in a way that really put me in a bind. I didn't end up losing money, but my ass was a cheese-sandwich-eating motherfucker with a donated 20 dollar bill until my credit union got it sorted out.

    Now I love me some cash. Never had my identity stolen using a 5 dollar bill.

    Plus, if I were to eat Vegetarian Tacos at Dos Toros in NYC, I wouldn't want something like that on my permanent record.

  10. 1 hour ago, ajax said:

    Was not expecting a vegan animal rights activist as the shooter.

    Of course not. Our weapons are fear, surprise, and the dizzy feeling you get as your blood sugar drops and you can't think what to eat because your synapses don't work any faster than those of a cow.

  11. 1 hour ago, F250 said:

    She is an Okie. I've never met someone from there that didn't claim to have native American blood. It's a non-issue.

    Member that time when all those White Cherokee from Tennessee fought all them Mexican Crypto-Jews at the Alamo? There were some Black People who were actually Egyptian Royal Family there too, as well as a Chinese guy from Central Hunan who was actually from slightly to the east of Central Hunan. I saw it on the TV that I usually use for a radio.

    • Like 1
  12. I was curious why restaurants paying NYC rent would turn away any form of money. Visa is offering them 10K to quit taking cash.

    They give all sorts of reasons besides that, but don't mention that it probably cuts out lots of stealing.

    stealing, stealing, stealing, thieving little clerks.

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