Posts posted by closetojumping
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18 hours ago, Lonestar88 said:
At some point we would move on. QBs commit early, you can’t wait around on one forever, especially one who is already committed to another school. There are plenty of great QBs that are interested in playing for Sark.
18 hours ago, Laga4 said:Just saying there's a lot of time between now and NSD 1.
Quin has the hammer on this deal.
I think it's at least 50/50 he ends up at Texas.
He can commit after we beat OU and still bring errbody with him.
Lonestar88's take is correct and the reason I stated upthread that if a flip happens, it will likely be ahead of summer. That's what the $9.95ers believe too.
1 hour ago, NTVTXN said:Disclaimer- I’ve not seen either play. I’m definitely no a QB whisperer.
However, re: Klubnik v Ewers- Would you guys not be elated with either?per this (thx @LTtxfan) “Tale of the Tape”- Klubnik’s played nearly twice the games and thrown 60% more yards, 36% more TD’s, ran for four times as many TD’s (which I’ll take as an offset to only 60% more yards thrown) and has the same amount of INT’s. What’s not to like?
basically what am I not seeing?Irrespective of what we think about the Ewers/Klubnik comparison, one has been immediately given the slowplay and the other is being showered with love in pursuit of a flip back to Texas, and it's evident that Sarkisian knows his shit with QB evaluations.
Ewers has a quick trigger and lightning quick reads and instincts for defenses, plus all of the measurables. He's not the #1 recruit in the country because of his HS stats, sorry.
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5 minutes ago, ClubWhatever said:I am in a “prove it” mode on Golding. In looking into what’s out there on him, he doesn’t seem like a great communicator to me. Like he doesn’t make things clear enough for the players, so they fuck up their assignments a lot. I think you can trace back a lot of the Tide fans’ complaints to that root cause. Also, in the title game, the db technique seemed pretty shaky, and that was with one of the all time great db coaches as head coach. I’m not sure what to think about what went wrong there. I tend to think it’s more confusion about what to do. Again, it’s show me, but what I’ve seen so far is not inspiring me.
Golding isn't the first choice for me either, but he's a golden boy handpicked by Saban and he's done well. He's had LB problems regarding injuries and youth while DC there. He's known as an innovator and that's not going to hurt when competing in the Big 12. I'm not exactly pumped about seeing him match wits with Lincoln Riley, in any event.
1 minute ago, Pato del Muerto said:Milwee
gideon
coleman
drayton
ournown board would have preferred to not Coleman or drayton (unless bijan was tied to drayton)
gideon is a good choice but still an up and coming coach
milwee is a young analyst getting his first real opportunity.
Interesting thinking around some of this to me.
One thing we know about Milwee is that offensive minds around him wanted him badly to join their new regimes. He also ran some innovative shit up at Akron before making the jump to the Bama analyst pool. As far as a QB coach goes, you're either looking for a promising apprentice that will have his own insights for the offense and a ton of energy, like Milwee, or someone who has been around the block and will make sure the QB room has its shit together, like Tim Beck. The notion people carry of having an ace recruiter at the QB Coach slot is ignorant. I'd love it if the QB Coach can recruit, sure, but it's not a throwaway position where you hide a guy for recruiting purposes. Milwee apparently did really well with Jones and Tua while working with them at Bama.
Gideon is believed to be one of the brightest bulbs in the young assistant crowd. They don't become big names in full demand without starting somewhere. People have raved about him at every stop, Ole Miss didn't want to lose him, and he's already tapping into his dad's network and hustling with HS coaches. If he's not a home run hire, he's an extra base hit.
Coleman I will not defend. I would have rather seen Colbert, Wiggins, Simmons, or an unknown with a better history of performance. It's obvious Sarkisian knows what he's doing with staff assembly, given he put some good ones together previously and many of those guys went on to bigger things, and he knows offense, but I struggle to give the benefit of the doubt on this one given the opportunity cost.
I know we recruitniks enjoy running down Drayton, but he's a home run in the sense that he provides stability with the best player on the team. If Texas lands LJ Johnson, I have a hard time knocking Drayton on this staff as either a recruiter or coach. Other schools and the NFL have called on him every offseason, allegedly. He would have landed Cain had it not been for Fuckface. He's a pretty fucking great guy to have on the staff if the staff is generally competent. He was revered at Ohio State, and Chicago tried to keep him when he came to Texas. It's not going to shock me if, when on a staff of quality peers, he's suddenly someone we view as major asset on all fronts.
Davis, Banks, Flood, and Joseph are inarguable to anyone other than the unwashed.
The guys that cover Texas and recruiting are fistpumping right now about this staff. Ecstatic.
I'm not disputing that these aren't all "home runs", just adding color to an interesting part of the staffing subject.
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18 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:
Are you planning on taking that zoom call from your car or from the driving range?
Yeah, I thought about that. Not sure. Maybe I can find a stand-in that won't embarrass me on the call.
16 minutes ago, Dijon Robinson said:I continue to hold out hope that Raymond is still in play for the CB slot
There's hope, but it doesn't sound like much of it left.
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1 minute ago, Okcool said:Some of us just got the email for a zoom call with Sark the 19th. BMD lites probably.
I got an invite last week for one tomorrow morning. I don't know where that qualifies me and what will be said, but if there's anything interesting that isn't expected to stay off the public boards, I'll try to post about it.
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1 hour ago, Octavian said:Man Banks would be great to have - particularly on the recruiting trail. Still really want Wiggins though. Don't think Coleman has done a good job developing the receivers.
13 minutes ago, TexasRenegade said:So still no confirmation on Wiggins other than CTJ's friend saying he was coming? Or was that Banks?
I guess we can actually truthfully use the "time to see what this fully operational battlestation can do" line we thought we could use when Herman was hired.
I haven't heard anything new regarding Wiggins, but the rest of the information coming out, specifically about Banks and Coleman, makes the Wiggins stuff seem dubious. I don't know what made my friend think Wiggins was gone, so Wiggins is either heading somewhere else or my buddy had bad initial information.
6 minutes ago, Radical Larry said:Banks pulled a Baltimore Colts maneuver, apparently. He packed his shit last night and cleaned out his office. People showed up today and said "Where's Banks?" Baller move by Sarkisian. He's not fucking around with putting this staff together.
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1 minute ago, Born Burnt said:
Now I'll hear DeVito's voice every time I read your posts. Not that that's a bad thing.
I've patterned most of my mannerisms and voice inflections as an adult after his role as "Ralph - the antiquities smuggler" from Romancing the Stone, considered by most aficionados as his cinematic tour de force.
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6 minutes ago, rpspeed said:as someone who has skipped pages here and there, who is poleassassin and other than surly fuckery, any reason we should care?
I have a few buddies that work at/live with people who work at Bama. When Sarkisian was announced, I spoke to them for more data on some of the assistants rumored to be coming to Texas with him. One of them is Banks, the TE coach and ST coordinator. They said the dude's the balls on the coaching and recruiting end and otherwise a complete mess with an appetite for personal calamity. He moved to Bama from College Station in the middle of a divorce and left a bunch of kids behind.
Within weeks, a stripper showed up and moved in, with kids of her own, and a fucking pet monkey. While living with him, she's continued to work in and around Birmingham and Tuscaloosa as a stripper+. Her insta handle is poleassassin_, which I posted and Surly of course verified, and we've been off and running ever since. If the dude somehow winds up coming here, I'll get more of the stories about this guy and his circus, because apparently they're nuts and a source of entertainment inside the Bama regime. That's all no bullshit.
Another thing that you guys will probably find absurd/amusing and ties in to another favorite Surly sideshow: While this fucknut was at ATM, he drunk texted, allegedly including personal nudes, to 6Figs on accident instead of to one of the women he was fucking with a similar first name.
Ol'6figgy allegedly tried to hang that over this dude's head for recruiting access/info at one point, to no avail. He'd already apparently entered his own personal tumbledown with his wife and no fucks were given about what some recruiting dipshit might post or say about him, and apparently the dude's quite confident in the dick pics he sent being up to public snuff. Allegedly. That isn't from Bama folks.
hahahahahahahaha
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6 minutes ago, GRHorn said:We’re not all 5’7” with a man bun either. Some of us can afford to have higher standards.
Here we go again. When we all meet up before the Louisiana game for the Surly Sprint-off, bring your measuring tape, salon shears and your significant other. After you dust me in the forty, I'll let you cut my man bun off, and then take a photo of you standing tall over my tiny frame with my hideous woman and your smoking hot lady friend, and you can post the photo on Surly and have me mocked forever.
"That GRHorn," they'll say, "he's an American bad ass."
"Yeah, and who knew that closetojumping was Danny Devito in real life? Didn't see that one coming."
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2 minutes ago, TexasRenegade said:
No....I don't go to strip clubs period. So guess I'm not in her demographic. Sorry I find her neither hot nor attractive. I haven't looked at her page but just going by what is posted on here. Women do what they do for a living and why would I look down on her for that? I just don't find her attractive.
You are no TexasRenegade, sir. You should change your handle to TexasChoirboy. Maybe TexasGeezer. Not sure. There are a few options, I guess.
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19 hours ago, Elmer_Fudd said:
Quinn better not wait to long. Sark won't wait forever and I'd imagine several other QB's (Murphy, Weigmann, Klubnik) may want to try and jump on board.
3 hours ago, UncleBuck said:There's gunna be pressure for Ewers to flip, from outside and within, Sark and the staff just gotta handle their end correctly.
The word is that if Ewers could flip back again, he wouldn't wait an incredibly long period of time to do it. I'm guessing if it hasn't happened by the end of spring, it ain't happening. Maybe sooner.
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11 minutes ago, TexasRenegade said:Probably in the minority here but.....I'm just gonna say if the ole hot wife/significant other thing about coaches ability to recruit is at all accurate........Banks must be an awesome bag man because she doesn't inspire me on his recruiting skills.....bleh
Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Is she trashy? Hell, yes. Is she a woman of low moral fiber? Clearly. Is she nuttier than a shithouse rat? No doubt. She's also hot in her own way. What's not to like if you're heterosexual? Are you the dude that goes to the strip club and then looks down your nose at every woman that comes by the table? Those guys do nothing but fuck up everyone else's time and irritate their friends.
I've met plenty of you fuckers from the Internet over the last 20+ years. The bullshit many of you throw out there pertaining to what you would and wouldn't hit is outright absurd.
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3 hours ago, Katfid54 said:
That would surprise me. Howe is fine, but he goes decidedly against IT's style of thinking they're writing real journalism that is proofread and (intended to be) witty. Nahlin and Co's jokes don't always land, but they're always trying to turn a phrase and captivate their reader. Howe's work, on the other hand, is basically a recursion of his self: large amounts of pabulum pumped out and plopped guilelessly in front of an audience.
You're making too broad of an assumption about who calls the shots over there, I'm guessing. Just guessing though.
2 hours ago, closetohumping said:Yep. Tom was the opposite of Charlie. Said the right things in the right ways. Who knew he was a phony.
I did. I had the bad luck to witness it with my own eyes in my own neighborhood while his dumb ass was HC at UH.
The bigger issue is that when a new coach is brought on, fans want to believe. I was happy with the Strong hire right up until the Watson hire, then I was out. Maybe that's a quick hook, but I became a cynic regarding UT football during the end of the Mack Reign. I was irritated with the Herman hire because I was fantasizing about hiring, wait for it, Justin Fuente. That said, I viewed the Herman outcome as an obvious inevitability and figured out a way to get excited about it. Then he hired Tim Beck and Casey Horny and fuck that guy. I got excited by his recruiting at times, but what a deflating fuckface he was. My first reaction to Sarkisian was that this hiring was a clusterfuck. I've since rationalized my way into being excited. I'm hoping to maintain that outlook until we lose to Louisiana, so I need his staff to be promising.
Anyway, I guess I digressed.
31 minutes ago, Burt Macklin said:Paging @closetojumping. Is flood riding 4 deep or solo? Inquiring minds want to know.
CTJ: "You got any update on your boys packing their shit up and heading out of town? Do you know if they're gone yet?"
BamaBuddy: "Nope"
I also didn't go back last night and ask for clarity if Wiggins was leaving and coming to Texas or somewhere else, or to doublecheck. I'd prefer not to have my friend "lose" my number by finding out that I am a dipshit posting his updates on SurlyHorns.com so here's to hoping he's right and us fucking around and finding out.
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24 minutes ago, Hiphopopotamos said:
Handing them that severance check in person. Classy move by the new coach.
It wouldn’t surprise me if they’re offering the Texas-exes some sort of soft landing in off-field roles. Could be fantasy because I don’t want to consider a scenario in which either guy is kept as a position coach.
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One thing I forgot to add on the guys covering this stuff is that Jeff Howe is one of the good guys. He’s nice, he pays attention and has a good bullshit filter for what he’s being fed by recruits/street agents/he coaches, he gives a shit, he does leg work regarding watching guys and talking to folks, you name it. I will be surprised if he’s not at whatever Burton and crew are building before the end of 2021.
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1 hour ago, Katfid54 said:I thought it was SLXpress?
Yeah.
46 minutes ago, Not a Sock said:Fuck that must have been the most awkward dinner party ever.
EJ Holland wrote about it, which is part of what made it even more absurd, but yeah, it sounded ... like quite the occasion.
I can’t remember all the details and haven’t spoken to SLX in years. It seems like the premise was he invited them to dinner - he is a connector type and that’s not unusual if he’s interested in understanding something. He gave them a choice to eat wherever they’d like and he’d buy.
Roach and Holland pushed for Appleby’s while SLX was thinking a steakhouse or sushi.
They show up and Roach starts ordering food immediately. Holland starts talking. That continued to be the theme. Roach ran through every appetizer on the menu, some sort of steak with cheese on top and a dessert while guzzling a coke of some sort. Holland, meanwhile, proceeds to lament the utter lack of knowledge about the game of football among the UT fanbase. He drinks like 4 shakes and never stops talking about himself, clothes, or his career aspirations as a serious novelist. He couldn’t remember SLX’s real name at the end of the meal when they depart.
SLX tells @SydneyCarton, the “Greg Davis on 3rd and 5” graphic guy, and me about the experience and it sounded predictable yet surreal. He was left with a dim but favorable view of Roach and considered EJ Holland a useless dipshit that knew almost as little as he cared in regard to the sport or UT.
I despise Holland and used to run him over on 247 and he’d go cry to Burton and then appeal to sycophants on that board who would then bitch at me for being a meanie. I thought the guy was trash and too far in the bag for the trainers and their agendas, so I never let up. In one breakdown of one of his idiotic positions, he froze my posting ability while he proceeded to rebut me and let cronies defend him as well, without addressing any facts or merit, for like an hour. So I unsubscribed and moved on.
Months later he wrote his write-up of meeting me and describing me as some other worldly weirdo, I started getting texts in mockery from my asshole friends who knew the deal while I was overseas, and then the premise became a running joke on Shaggy. Shortly thereafter, EJ ran off to cover Notre Dame, immediately ran over the Texas fanbase, and hasn’t been seen since as far as I know.
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2 hours ago, touchthemonolith said:Semi-serious question: Is there anyone on the Texas football beat that surly doesn't have a hate boner for? I get the hate for FCB because, well, fuck him, but in the past few days I've read that Taylor Estes is a useless bitch, Mike Roach is a fucking hack who doesn't know the first thing about recruiting, Cedric Golden, Brian Davis, and Kirk Bohls are incompetent assclowns who just makes shit up, etc. I'm frankly not informed enough to have an opinion one way or the other, but I'm curious if there's anyone that isn't universally loathed.
Burton deserves respect, irrespective of whether anyone likes him. He is a pioneer in the $9.95 world, has mentored many in that space, conducts himself as a professional and has made himself millions of dollars more than once doing what he loves. I’ve dealt with him and consider him a solid professional. He has great sources. Was he Mack’s shill? Yeah, they were buddies. I can’t defend that. I know he loves UT though. Fun fact, he’s significantly older than me but we basically grew up in the same neighborhood.
Ketchum is a piece of shit. Few people with less talent have had more success due to basically being the only person around at just the right time. He’s a poor man’s sports version of Ringo Starr or something, only I don’t think Ringo Starr is fundamentally corrupt.
Gerry learned the right habits under Burton and his personality and brains have taken him to fun career places.
Howe learned the right habits under Gerry and Burton but doesn’t have their talent or Gerry’s eye for evaluating.
Nahlin has solid connections but just being a good recruiting and program reporter will never be enough and he can’t get out of his own way with his bullshit and bad habits.
Chip Brown is, allegedly, a degenerate with habits and behaviors so egregious that they’ve led to him compromising the interests of the program for personal gain, or to keep the Russian mob from removing his knee caps. Crystal Conte having a relationship with FCB is a sign that Crystal still has a bunch of shit to learn. It’s fucking idiotic and a BMD or someone should have a fucking word with him.
While Mike Roach and EJ Holland apparently think they had dinner with me, I’ve never met Roach. He does good hustle work and he’s affable, real affable. However, he’s clueless on the way all this works and how to handle risk with predictions.
Anyone working for Ketchum is a schmuck and the CFB equivalent of a smut peddler at best and pimped-out whore at worst.
Don’t know the rest of the IT guys but they seem alright, outside of Ian Boyd’s insipid and inane ramblings about various niche defensive calls made by Air Force or South Alabama or whatever draws his attention for the next 6,000 words spewed onto the screen with his name on it.
TFB seems okay when they stay in their lane.
1 hour ago, Laxtonto said:So we announced a new HC today and the only legit news about the staff was from our own CTJ confirming Flood, Wiggins, and Milwee from his Bama contacts?
Yeah, the 9.95 brigade is completely in the dark and it looks like one has an in with Sark and co...
To be clear, the $9.95ers do not think the Wiggins info is correct. Bama mods are not only not confirming it, but calling it bullshit. Hell, maybe he’s leaving Bama and not coming here. It should be fun to watch, as we’ve got ourselves a good old-fashioned source-off. I can’t wait to get trolled if my friend is wrong, but it’s hard for me to doubt even knowing the other data points.
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56 minutes ago, BurntOrange&White said:I was hoping we’d see some official staff releases today.
Me too. Surprised we didn’t. I mean, I’m blown away that the entire staff wasn’t announced last night just before the game to make the biggest splash, but nothing as of now is also a surprise.
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Edited by closetojumping
12 minutes ago, UncleSonny said:How long until an IT mod posts that he's hearing Wiggins may be in?
10 minutes ago, Viper said:15 mins, 30 tops
Well, I’ll even be vulnerable for once and admit that it isn’t like I fact-checked since I’m not a reporter. I took my friend’s word for it who is in Tuscaloosa. So hopefully the actual reporters fact check and either confirm or debunk it and make me a fool.
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1 minute ago, closetojumping said:Just got a text from my friend in the Bama program that Flood and Wiggins are going with Sark. It's done.
Milwee too, but that was done and known inside the Bama walls last weekend for everyone involved.
"Banks, as far as it looks right now, is staying. So we keep the monkey and the stripper. I continue to not have heard a god damned thing about this Golding shit you keep stirring. " -- BamaBuddy on text

Texas Recruiting Notes 2022 - Idiotic Slapfights Unrelated To 2022 Recruiting
in 🤫$9.95🤫
Change your 2023 to one of the better ones we've tossed out there, sir. If this fucking recruiting season starts raining bags, I'll happily change the title again. Let's consider the 2022 thread title a tone setter/temperature check for the class overall.