My wife would die if she knew I told this. But I moved back to Oklahoma from Miami in 2003, met her 3 months later and the rest is history as they say. We had been dating for a while and had a small house and things were good. Till they weren’t. We had went out the night before and drank 29 beers and went home and passed out. Wake up the next morning and decide to go eat Mexican food and grab another beer to take the headache away. We polish off the burritos and beers and are heading back to the house when I see my girlfriend gently raise her butt a bit, I knew that was a mistake. She lets a little air waffle go, and I can tell things have went south. She puts her shoes on the dash and kind of just sit there. She has no idea I’m watching. She tries to sneak two fingers around and get a quick sniff when I look down on the two fingers and see a bit of butt mud. I scream “holy shit, you shit your pants”!!! She had a fucking heart attack because of how embarrassed she was. She still gets pissed if I bring the story up, but I laugh in her face just like I did the day she had shit on her fingers.