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Thatguy

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Posts posted by Thatguy

  1. 9 hours ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

    This is a good take and you're right, but my sense is that the people who were enthusiastic about supporting Trump in 2020 see it as a grim duty in 2024.   My high school shop teacher used to love Trump. He had a yard sign in 2016 and 2020. No sign this year. Nowadays he says Trump is a cad and a liar, and that he's turned off by Trump's "boorish" behavior, but he's voting for Trump because he was "strong for America" and is the right man to "get this country back on track" and "we can't take any more" of Biden. He also voted for Obama twice. 

    I'll be thrilled if I'm wrong. 

    I hear people say this but it is always followed with a "but look where that got me". I never believe they ever voted dem.

    • Hook 'Em 2
  2. On 5/21/2024 at 2:15 PM, BeardIP said:

    A few years ago I had the honor (lol) of having to spend weeks in Omaha for a project. Well I just so happened to be staying in the same hotel as some of the Big 12 teams in the NCAA volleyball final four or whatever their tournament is. It was whatever year the SDSU jackrabbits made it because I remember their huge bus being obnoxious (I guess other teams flew). 

    Anyways, I was taking an elevator to breakfast one morning and in walks the Nebraska volley ball girls and I immediately knew my niece would never be a D1 volleyball player, despite her earnest desire. Each of these girls dwarfed me, and I’m 6’1. Their quads were as wide as my waists and their wingspans were impressive for any man. I’m talking 6’6 women. This was Nebraska but I’d see the same from Michigan, Baylor, and Tennessee. My assumption from that experience was the blue blood schools are getting the best breeds and stock of girls, and if you aren’t 6 foot+, it might be hard to get a look unless you are like the lone position where it’s okay to be a shortie.

    I say all that to say and to your point, unless your girl is going to be tall (and you can generally tell by teens) then you might start focusing your investments (time, mental, physical and monetary) elsewhere. Much like a kid who loves basketball but at 16 is still 5’9.

    Certain schools have a certain philosophy in recruiting. Nebraska and the rest of the Big 10 like the biggest girls they can get. Texas likes them to be athletic over tall, though they are pretty tall, just not Big 10 tall. The usual suspects get the pick of the litter, then the rest of the P5 schools go next, and the small conferences go last. Some of the small schools get good players because of the region they are in. Texas is number 1 in prep vball, Cali and Florida are next. So if you are an undersized kid you steer clear of those areas. However, you look at the Northeast and other areas and there are tons of D1 kids under 6ft. You just have to ignore those big schools and leave the great state of Texas and scholarships are waiting.

    Us olds think of things the wrong way. We wanted a college experience so we went here blah blah blah. It's 2024. I explained it my daughter like this when her coach got a letter from the coaches at Wake Forest asking about her. I said being a collegiate athlete is extremely difficult. That said, Wake is 65k a year. Where are you going to get a job making 65k while in college?

  3. On 5/17/2024 at 4:53 PM, Brisketexan said:

    And....you just described the perfect case for a kid for whom athletics and a D-1 scholarship may be the perfect path.

    I don't think any of us said that the D-1 scholarship path has no place.  Rather, our observation is that the vast majority of folks who focus on that path are 1) making a sub-optimal decision (i.e., spend the money on tutoring and such, which is more likely to pay off for that kid) 2) for the wrong reasons (you want to live through your kid's accomplishments).

     

    On 5/17/2024 at 5:23 PM, YGIFS said:

    Thatguy,

    that’s awesome for your daughter.  And surely your must realize how unique she is to be able to attend a quality institution and be able to play high level athletics.  
     

    but 95% of sports parents don’t accept that the same opportunity won’t be there for their child.  
     

    Every athlete will be told sometime between 18-38 that their time in organized, competitive play is over.  But knowledge and education and the arts last forever.  Seems like you get that you’d be shocked how few other parents do. 

     

    Speaking from my experience with my kid, in this era you have to spend money on your kid just to find out if your kid even has the chops to play at the high school level much less college. Where we live all the kids on the school teams play some sort of club/select/aau ball. My kid barely made the 7th grade b team. Had we just thrown our hands in the air and not kept going with instructions and lessons she wouldn't be where she is.

    In volleyball, a parent has to keep a keen eye as to what is going on. Your kid can have talent but be playing out of position and end up getting washed out early. For example, our kid was playing middle blocker when she was 12, but wasn't going to be tall enough to play that position in high school. The club "needed her" to play that position( didn't care that she wasn't right for it long term), but we recognized it wasn't going to be for her and went to another club. She made the top team over there and then the first club saw what she looked like playing her new position and offered her free tuition to come back.

    By this time she is playing 15s(freshman in high school) and we can see she has the talent to play in college so we keep going. Despite what you guys are saying, that is the time that parents with kids who don't have the talent to play collegiate sports fall off. The kids start dropping out of the sport, and the 16/17/18s age groups at the club have less teams. Now she is likely a few months from signing a letter and she just turned 16 this month.

    I said all that to say this. Had we thrown our hands up in the air at the first sign of difficulty she wouldn't be where she is. Along the way we've seen a lot of kids fall by the wayside who would've been good if they had supportive parents. We have been accused of being THOSE parents, both here and in real life. However, now that she is officially being recruited those accusations look a little stupid. Even if she decided she didn't want to keep going the life lessons she has learned through sports and the travel experiences are something that will stick with her forever.

  4. On 5/13/2024 at 3:46 PM, YGIFS said:

    And that 6 year old's name?  You guessed it.  Tony Gwynn! 

    We live literally in the shadow of one of the biggest football powerhouse High Schools in all of the Lone Star State.  And I still chuckle at some of the dad's I know who ask me about connecting them with UT coaches and scholarship folks so their sons can get a leg up on the competition before college applications/recruiting season ramps up.  And I have to maintain a straight face when a parental couple, both of whom are 5'7" in heels ask me about basketball chances for their boy.  Or a kid who can't even figure out how to put on a baseball glove at 12, let alone hit a breaking ball.  And no, your kid who is still having trouble with the alphabet in middle school is probably not gonna get a letter of recommendation from me for any university.  

    My oldest has been doing some more sporting leagues this last two years since we came outta Covid.  And I love that she realizes first and foremost-be a good teammate.  Second-respect the rules.  Third-worry about winning.  In that order.  Precisely.  And despite the competitive nature of the community in Austin which we find ourselves, all of the leagues/tournaments/sports have been pretty chill and kinda follow the order I just described.  But on Sunday, her team finally ran into one of those teams run by two asshats who think every girl on their squad is gonna play championship volleyball at UT someday.  And they sure as shit acted the part.  It was like watching Coach Bobby Knight scream at 9 year olds.  On Mother's Day, mind you.  

    Teach 'em teamwork, respect for rules and officials.  Then scores/wins.  And pepper in fun wherever you can.  Spoiler alert---do the math.  There's a very finite number of roster spots for student-athletes of any gender, in a fixed number of sports across three divisions and NAIA (only 50% of which actually award athletic scholarships, and even then only partial for the most part).  

    Statistically speaking, your kid has a better chance of becoming a paid rally car racer than a paid NIL baseball player at a D1 program.  Maybe some folks should tap the brakes, hug their kids, and teach them Mandarin.  

     

    On 5/13/2024 at 4:16 PM, BabaYaga said:

    The kid has to want it on their own.  That's what you can't "teach".  My son pivoted and it going in another direction from sports.  The other is a complete little psychopath I have to reign that one back to keep from redlining all the time.  Both will be successful (I pray) in whatever fields they go into.  Sports teaches a lot.  One oft overlooked facet is just good old fashioned grit.  If you have to scream at the kids to get them to perform, it's the coaching equivalent of a sugar-rush.  It works initially, but quickly wears off and doesn't provide much staying power.  Teach them about goals.  Setting them.  Achieving them.  From talking to other parents who have walked the walk through D1 athletics, also be careful what you wish for.  There's a reason there are so few of them out there.  It's fucking hard and can grind you into moon dust.  They also can get hurt.  Now what?  What's the fallback plan?  You can lose an ACL.  Grit is harder to come by.  

    I love seeing Texas players make it to the NFL.  What I love even more, players that were marginal or got hurt, and you find out later they have graduate degrees and are crushing it in life off the field.  

     

    On 5/13/2024 at 4:23 PM, Brisketexan said:

    My kids have several college-level athletes from among their friend/acquaintances ranks.  Some are quite close friends, some are just kids they knew.  None of these kids are "world class, major league" talents.  They were all good enough to play a sport/swim etc. in college.

    Without exception....all of them didn't care for the experience in some degree.  The time it took, the toll on the body, the culture around it -- for various reasons, they either hung it up before their college career was done, or regret sticking with it through the end.  I'm sure for those who are genuine world-class talents (as in, will likely do it professionally), the take can be different.  But as the old Big XII ads pointed out, 95% of college athletes will be going pro in something other than athletics.  Most of those kids had "grit" - they stuck with something long enough to make it to the college level.  But reality sinks in.  You're killing yourself and taking away damned near everything else in your life for the single-minded pursuit of....one athletic endeavor.  Not me.  In college, I chased both beer AND girls.  And I went fishing.  And hunting.  And on road trips.  And I made friends from a variety of circles.  And I chased more beer, and more girls.

    If you want your kid to get a college scholarship, you're much better off paying for tutors and test-prep courses.  Those things have the added advantage of helping them get educated, too.

     

    On 5/13/2024 at 4:47 PM, YGIFS said:

    Yep, good points all.  I want my girls to learn teamwork and sportsmanship and hustle and determination.  And so far the leagues have been all about that and a buncha fun mixed in.  but I guess my oldest is just at that age now where some parents and coaches are getting so much more serious and 'ass-holish.'  And she's got these friends who are into cheer camps and away tours/competitions/whatever.  Which every box-faced East Texas female has-been needs to remember, is actually the sport with the most injuries:participant ration than any other athletic endeavor and spoiler alert---even if you're awesome and don't sustain an neck injury doing it---there's no fucking money in it.  It just abuses young girls like a Catholic Priest on sabbatical.  

    I mean, I look back at my baseball and swim coaches (I played a few others but was only good at these two so had lots of intensive experiences) and yeah--they were assholes and mean but it was underneath about teamwork and effort and respect for the game.  Then about 20 years ago somebody got wise and invented an sub-industry where all of the sudden, despite a static number of scholarships and roster spots, that every kid was uber-talented and for just 8 weeks and $2000, your child can go from good to great to exceptional.  And also, we'll need you to set aside every weekend of your life for the next 14 years and get ready to put serious mileage on your vehicle.  

    Sports and Politics.  The ability to manipulate stupid people reigns supreme.  As per usual, my prize lack of imagination.  

     

    On 5/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Brisketexan said:

    And....it makes no difference as to whether your kid is going to get a scholarship to a good university or not.   Sure, if you're marginal, maybe putting in exceptional effort bumps you up to get an offer from D2 or D3 U, congrats on your admission and free tuition to Bridgewater State U.  But let's be clear: functionally ZERO kids who get a scholarship offer to a good D1 school (UT, Purdue, Michigan, what have you) got that offer because of the 6 summers they spent playing select ball or somesuch.  When it comes to having D1-level talent, it's a lot like having pro-level talent: you either have it, or you don't.

    I remember reading about baseball scouts who could go to high school baseball showcases, with 100 players out on the field showing their stuff.  The scouts commented that they could tell from watching around 30 seconds of a player's action whether he had the stuff to be considered a real prospect, and out of those 100, MAYBE 2-3 players would make that initial cut.  And that's just to be considered a prospect, not a lock to actually make it to the next level.  And I know I've told the story around here about my old law partner whose kids played youth sports with Drew Brees.  It didn't matter if it was blindfolded Albanian Badminton they were playing, Drew was the best athlete on the field.  At everything, always, since he was 5 years old.  No amount of practice or clinics or select ball was going to turn my friend's athletic, skilled kids into Drew Brees.  And Drew's family didn't even let him start playing "select" ball (which everyone else wanted him to do) until late middle school or something like that.  He didn't miss out on any development because he missed several seasons of select ball.  He's got an earned Super Bowl MVP trophy, because he was a god-given great athlete.  That's what it takes.

    My son is a good baseball player.  He loves it, played since T-ball.  He's playing now, in an adult rec league overseas, and it makes him happy.  He's one of the better players on a top squad, but he's far from the best.  He gets the experience of being part of a team, meeting folks, travel for games, all the good stuff you want out of sports.  Kids will have a pretty healthy attitude about sports, if their parents will get out of the way.

    Tying back to the thread topic: I think the kids are, all-in-all, alright.  It's the adults who are fucky.

     

    On 5/13/2024 at 5:49 PM, 956 Worldwide said:

    Way back in the early 2000s, I had a a friend who played D2 volleyball on a partial scholarship who went over how much cash her dad spent on club teams and travel and etc but “then I got a scholarship so all worth it.” She did not respond well to the info that all that money dropped into a 529 account would have covered the partial scholarship and much more. 

     

    On 5/13/2024 at 5:51 PM, Brisketexan said:

    Bingo.  99% of parents who say shit like "all of this time and money is an investment to get my kid an athletic scholarship!" are very, very, very bad at math.

     

    On 5/13/2024 at 5:54 PM, 956 Worldwide said:

    To be clear, I support parents being behind kids and helping them excel and pursue sports or music or whatever.  Just go in with your eyes open and don’t pretend that it’s an investment for a scholarship. Even below the D1 level, doing college sports is absolutely doing college on hard mode and if the goal is education, then make it about education. 

     

    On 5/13/2024 at 6:01 PM, YGIFS said:

    Yep, as posted above.  There are obvious benefits to team sports.  In the end, you're better off though just doing a couple things per year, saving your time and money and travel, and putting it towards academics or art or music.  In the end, worst case scenario---the kid gets knowledge or an instrument or art media that doesn't conk out at 25 but rather lasts until 95.  

    Every year, I have the good fortunate to give out a lot of other people's money for myriad scholarships.  And invariably when we go the part about, "Describe a leadership setback or challenge you've experienced and how you overcame it."  90% of the kids will say something to the effect of, "On my high school sports team, we were losing and I had to rally my teammates to try harder like a less convincing Gene Hackman in Hoosiers." And the other 10% will have a narrative akin to "I saw xyz issue going unaddressed in my school/family/church/community so while I'm not an extrovert or vocal, I decided to step up, chart a path, and lead the way."  That second kid gets my vote every time.  

    I don't care how many weekends you spent on a travel team to do some 9-hour competition in Houston in basketball or badminton.  That's all well and good.  But the kid who spends that many weekends learning another language or starting a non-profit or just helping old people clean their gutters.  They get the scholarship almost every time.  There is character to be built on the court and even in practice, but that's when coach is watching.  I respect the kid that does the work when nobody is looking or clapping.  

     

    On 5/14/2024 at 7:32 AM, BabaYaga said:

    Any parent that bitches about the time it takes to invest their kids in sports had better not bitch around cheer parents.  Oh boy.  Neighbor does that.  They travel the country.  Competitions that they have to spend 6-8hrs at for a 2 minute, 30 second routine.  No thanks.  

    Swimming is a close second.

     

    On 5/14/2024 at 12:24 PM, BabaYaga said:

    I think a lot of that comes from the parents - it's "cooler" to be able to brag about your D1 athlete than your kid taking microbiology and acing their labs.  

     

    On 5/14/2024 at 3:52 PM, Brisketexan said:

    Yeah, there's definitely a foundational issue of parents living vicariously through their kids and their achievements (which, on some level, is only human and is to be expected).  Whether you're bragging because little Johnny hit a home run or because he won a spelling bee, there's some "look at my kid" going on there.  It's when it's taken to extremes, and/or at the expense of other more sensible things, that it's a problem.

    A secondary issue with living vicariously through athletics is the "so what?" factor.  Your kid led his high school team in stolen bases.  Cool.  Seriously, that's cool.  But is he gonna make 7 figures plus in MLB because of it?  Odds are the answer is "no."  So he might as well have just won his 10th straight hand of gin.  It's cool that he's good at something, that he worked hard at it, and that it paid off.  That's the takeaway.  Oh, and that he's happy.  I sure as hell loved watching my son work on a baseball skill and seeing it pay off, and seeing HIM take joy and satisfaction in the payoff.  

    These days, I'm more likely to brag on my kids about the things I'm jealous of: dude gets to live in Scotland, he's a hit with the girls, he's turned into a damned good cook, he's a solid baseball player on a fun adult league team that has him bouncing around Scotland, he's studying cool central and eastern european stuff and doing well at it.  The girl is living in London, finding her way, speaking four languages, building a network of friends and colleagues all over the world.  But for both of them, the metric that resonates with me is "are they doing some things that feed them, make them happy, and advance them as people?"  It sucks when they aren't, and I feel that for them.  But one thing that's damned clear to me - as much as I will brag on my kids (and I will, I'm really proud of them), their accomplishments are theirs.  I don't get to take ownership of those, and I'd be a dick if I tried.

     

    On 5/14/2024 at 4:13 PM, Howlin wolf said:

    My oldest daughter got into cheer after doing tumbling classes for a few years. We just happened to live close to a top gym. Classes, dues, uniforms, travel. I’ve always avoided adding up the cost. It's has to be 30-40k a year, especially when you end up taking the family to Disney and all.

     

    On 5/14/2024 at 6:00 PM, YGIFS said:

    $40,000 a year for cheerleading?  Seriously?  Not judging you personally but that's fucking insane considering the lack of upside and head trauma potential.  

    I had to tell my girls recently, if you help with this around the house and that around the yard and blah blah blah.  We can seriously discuss going to Disneyland in the next year or two.  But we are never going to DisneyWorld.  I went to college for two years near Orlando and I saw people that nobody else should ever have to see.  If that whole area was annihilated by a half dozen warheads, I don't think this country would skip a beat.  

    Now then, back to talk of rowing scholarships.  

     

    On 5/14/2024 at 7:41 PM, Howlin wolf said:

    Eh. You can judge, doesn't bother me. There’s other things that go into ROI besides purely dollars. It’s one thing my teenage daughter really cares about and works hard at, so enabling some hard work and seeing results is a positive. She wants to be a UT cheerleader. I imagine it will happen so that counts for something. Head trauma I’m not worried about, she isn't a flyer. 

    Fortunately, 40 Grand is something we can swing. I'm shocked though at the socio-economic class of a lot of cheer families. They cut some corners and definitely don't spend quite as much, but it is very similar to certain people we’ve all seen overspending on things like fireworks or theme parks. 🤣

     Man, listen to all of you guys. Just like not all these kids are going to play D1 sports, not all the kids are going to be at the top of their class academically either. No matter how hard you push them if they aren't driven academically they will fall short the same way if they aren't driven athletically. You have to see what kind of kid you have and respond accordingly. If you have a kid who excels academically then go for it. However, if you have a kid who is NOT going to be at the top of the food chain academically what do you do? Idle hands right? To some people keeping their kid too busy to get in trouble far outweighs the monetary loss, not to mention the life lessons one learns along the way.

    We happen to have the kid who is among the small percentage that can play a D1 sport. She is a solid student, but isn't at the top of her class. Her athletic ability is opening doors to colleges she couldn't otherwise get into. Some of those schools are pretty expensive annually and far exceed the amount of money we've spent on club sports. My wife and I know the grind. We also know not owing 200k+ is a good way to kick off her life. We would much rather give her that money to buy a home.

     

     

     

     

    • Hook 'Em 1
  5. 5 hours ago, JesusSweatDuck said:

    First big college camp was last weekend and it started out great.  My daughter played amazing the first day and was excelling in most drills and giving it her absolute all.  It was a really long day (6 hours playing, 1 hour tour, 1 hour lunch break) and the high was 95*.  Day two started out well she was playing well and then her body just gave up on her.  She gave it everything she had, and you could see she was struggling physically but she didn't quit.  She left broken hearted, thinking that was it, her opportunity at that school was over.  As a parent, I know it may be, but I have to hope it's not.  It's hard to see your kids give it their all, put everything they have into something, and possibly come up short.  I know it's a part of life, and a life lesson, but as a parent you just want to watch your kids succeed in everything.

    One promising piece, I asked her after the camp how she felt.  She said, this only made her want it more.  So I'll continue to support her, flying her across the country helping her chase her dreams.  I just pray the coaches see how much she wants it and she finds a place she loves and a place where she can be happy and successful.

      I was told by some college coaches that they understand kids, especially our kids age, are going to have a bad day. They just need to see they have the tools they are looking for and the character to boot and they will take a chance on them. That is why they come to these events to watch the kids demeanor, work ethic, and attitude. Tell her not to let her get discouraged by a single less than ideal day. The coaches probably saw what they needed to see. They are going to completely rebuild her when she gets to college, swing and all, so she should be good.

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  6. 7 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

    After drake waving the white flag in his last track, it's probably over but there is no way Kendrick is worse for the wear. He just put out a banger diss that broke all kinds of streaming records  and will probably be played in clubs all summer. Metro put out a free beat that tons of people are using for their own Drake diss tracks. 

    Drake had zero dirt on Kendrick while Kendrick just reminding everyone Drake is a cosplay gangster with no street cred trying to act tough, constantly does cringe shit and is probably a pedophile. Drake took a massive L in this one.

     

  7. 8 hours ago, BeardIP said:

    I haven't heard Part 6 yet, but think I'm more or less up to date. Euphoria is maybe the best song, but Drake has the second and third best in Family Matters and Tailor Made. 

    Thought this was an interesting read: https://www.theringer.com/rap/2024/5/4/24149035/drake-kendrick-meet-the-grahams-family-matters-euphoria-diss-beef

     

    This isn't a "song" contest, this is about bars. Anyone who thinks Drake isn't getting washed should be Perma-banned. Kendrick is on his ass. 

    • Hook 'Em 1
  8. On 5/5/2024 at 3:46 AM, Thatguy said:

    Bid to junior nationals secured. Now we go back tomorrow to see how high we can climb. Kid played 6 rotation all 14 sets we played. She was running on fumes! lol. Hopefully she is good to go in the morning because she has to do it all over tomorrow.

     

    On 5/5/2024 at 8:51 AM, SurlyGator said:

    My daughter played up on an 18's team this year, so our nationals was last weekend.  Feels weird being done with club season this early.  Having to pay for private lessons to keep skills sharp in the gap before school tryouts later this month.  I think she is enjoying the mental break, though.

    Came in second at regionals. We lost in 3 sets all the way down to the wire. Just didn't play our best. Kid was pretty bummed but she can pat herself on the back because she played every minute of all 22 sets at 6 rotation. She gave it her all.

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  9. On 5/2/2024 at 10:18 PM, JesusSweatDuck said:

    Also, good luck this weekend. Wake would be the double bonus of a great school and a great program 

    Bid to junior nationals secured. Now we go back tomorrow to see how high we can climb. Kid played 6 rotation all 14 sets we played. She was running on fumes! lol. Hopefully she is good to go in the morning because she has to do it all over tomorrow.

    • Hook 'Em 1
  10. 5 hours ago, JesusSweatDuck said:

    Also, good luck this weekend. Wake would be the double bonus of a great school and a great program 

    I truly doubt she is at that level but I cannot wait for when she gets her first offer. Enjoy the tournament. Beach is so much more chill than indoor. 

  11. On 4/18/2024 at 9:00 AM, BabaYaga said:

    Heading up to meet the coaches as KU this weekend.  I get it.  "Dad" has morphed into professional driver, chef, travel agent, and most importantly - sports psychologist.  

     

    On 4/17/2024 at 6:23 PM, JesusSweatDuck said:

    My daughter has been grinding hard on the beach volleyball circuit. She's still in the "no contact" phase of recruiting and has been struggling because of the unknowns. Well all within the span of a couple weeks she was directly invited to camp at 3 different D1 schools (think UT's junior day camp) and to participate in a NTDP (regional national team camp).  Nothing more rewarding than watching your kids achieve their goals

    The no contact phase is stressful. My kid didn't think she was truly good enough to play college volleyball. Then her club coach sent her this email.....

     

    Resized_20240205_180003_1707177648836.thumb.jpg.f5759fc97df47e9f3794373c6f32a97d.jpg

    She still wasn't buying it until we were at Triple Crown in Kansas City and they were in hitting lines. She hit a ball and while running to the back of the line noticed the Wake coach sitting right there. They were in Orlando and Chicago as well, even videoing her when she was on the sideline. Now she probably isn't that high on their Christmas list, but it does tell her that if a P5 school like that is recruiting her, she is more than good enough to play D1 volleyball. So tell your girl to keep grinding and someone will scoop her up pretty soon. We are almost at the finish line. Also, we play AJV this weekend at regionals.

    • Hook 'Em 6
  12. 1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said:

    I had cell phone contracts with my girls.  Only a couple of times did we have any issues - mostly with not putting the phone away at the designated time.  We also required them to charge the phones overnight in the kitchen as opposed to their rooms.

    I'm sure they got away with things, but they turned out fine.  I would not resort to reading their text messages without them knowing.  If I had a concern, I would have them bring me the phone to look at in their presence.  I don't remember ever having to do that.  At one point, the one of the phone passwords was changed, but that was a result of Apple moving from a 4 digit password to 6 digit password.

    The girls' phones were linked through my wife's apple account.  They could not download any apps without her permission.  We were able to discuss the apps with the girls prior to allowing them to download.

    Our relationship with the girls has always been trust until they give you a reason not to.  YMMV

     

    My daughter had a friend who asked us to call her by her boy name when she was in our house. My daughter declared our house a safe zone for her lgbtq+ friends. Her parents didn't know she was trans and her parents didn't know when she was having sleepovers "with the girls" that she was dating one of the girls she was sleeping over with. They were 12 and 13 years old. My daughter's classmate committed suicide a few weeks ago. His parents were caught off guard. Had they known I am sure they would've gotten him help. Maybe you heard about the kid who shot his friends in the back of the head while sitting on the couch at his house because he "just wanted to know what it was like to kill someone"? A freckle-faced, redhead kid from my daughter's school. Apparently he posted a picture of himself with a caption of song lyrics about murder on his Instagram. Had his parents been paying attention maybe they could've gotten him some help before he murdered his friend. Now he will be tried as an adult at age 17.

    Kids don't tell us what is really going on in their lives. Sometimes you have to break their trust in order to help them. I say that as a parent with a daughter who struggles with her mental health. Looking at her phone is a large reason why she is still here and helped us get her help before something tragic happened. Your daughters may have turned out fine. However, there are many many people out there with different stories. From online predators to my own personal stories like the ones above. If we aren't watching our kids then who is? We live in a lily-white suburb where people's doors are open 24-7. You don't expect things like that to happen here until they do.

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  13. 1 hour ago, atomheartbevo said:

    So should we track down those socially awkward people and bully pressure them on social media about getting laid, and tell them they aren’t a real man (or woman) if they aren’t having sex at least a few times a month year?

    They are all socially awkward. My daughter is one of those socially awkward people out there being courted by equally socially awkward boys. Her generation's idea of a date is sitting across from each other showing memes to one another for an extended period of time. They don't call, they text. They don't give each other phone numbers, they share instagram or snap accounts. Once they feel its "okay" they skip talking on the phone all together and facetime. Then they facetime with the phone pointed up at the ceiling.

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  14. On 4/15/2024 at 7:41 PM, UT_OB1 said:

    I need some phone advice help. Daughter just turned 12. Wife wanted to get her a phone for Christmas despite for months me saying she’s too young for a smart phone. Wife got her a Gabb phone.  Rules were set. Rules were broken - and not just in an accidental way but a trying to get away with things way. Phone part of camera was abused (nothing sexual). Anyway, look who was right, wife went nuclear option, she’s too young for a smart phone now. 
     

    We still like her having a phone that she can take with her when she goes out to play. That was definitely nice that we copied let her roam a bit farther on her bike (and her younger birthed). 
     

    Any recs for a no camera / internet phone?  The flip phones look good, but I haven’t seen one that has a text monitoring option. 

     

    On 4/16/2024 at 11:00 AM, Damor said:

    No help there, but a couple suggestions for when she does graduate to a smart phone:

    1)  Phone contract.  It's somewhere in this thread.  Make one, everybody sign it, and adhere to it.
    2)  Do not give her the phone as a gift.  It's not hers, it's yours and you're allowing her to use it as a tool.  Dad lendeth, and dad can taketh away.

    Those things served us well with our boys, and we treated cars the same way.

     

    On 4/17/2024 at 6:31 PM, EE2B said:

    My oldest has a Gizmo Watch from Verizon that has worked wonderfully for us. Everything is controlled through an app-who her contacts are, who can call, we can see her location, etc. she only use the built in text words/emojis. She can’t actually type on it. She can make phone calls from it, but only to people who are in her list. I’m sure other phone service providers have something similar. 

     

    On 4/17/2024 at 7:33 PM, CleverNickname said:

    daughter is 14 headed to high school next year, so I'm a couple years ahead. Good luck and God bless in holding the line. Every friend my daughter has she FaceTime and snaps *constantly*. And fortuitous, they actually set up face to face mall crawls and such. If your daughter claims social isolation from a smartphone ban... I would believe them. Even the apple iPhone chat bubble snobbishness is real. That said, bed time and screen time apps are plentiful and fairly simple to set up. 

    16 in a week here. Things I have learned so far.

    They will absolutely try to get away with stuff on their phone. Multiple instagram, snapchat, or whatever app accounts. One you know about and one you don't. If you think your kid is different you aren't trying hard enough.

    Life 360 is great but it also lets THEM know where YOU are. The alerts on there work both ways and offer plenty of time for them to be ready for when you get home. I turn my battery saver on which kills my location. Now my wife is suspicious. Location lets us be lazy and assume they are where they are supposed to be but kids are crafty and learn to leave their phone at a friends house.

    They will abuse the camera.

    Snapchat is the devil. Middle school kid in our area got hooked up with a plug that would meet her at the park in her neighborhood to sell her drugs in our sleepy little suburb. This is a lot harder with no snapchat.

    If your kids are in sports apps and text groups are how the coaches communicate everything from workout schedules to which uni they are wearing. This will become an issue if you are using taking the phone away as a punishment when they get older.

    Bullying because you don't have insert type of phone is a thing.

    YOUR WIFE WILL TYPE IN THE PASSWORD FOR A DOWNLOAD AND NOT UNDERSTAND THAT SHE JUST UNLOCKED THE PHONE FOR YOUR KID TO GO BEHIND HER CHANGE SAID PASSWORD UNTIL YOU FIND OUT AND CHANGE IT BACK. HOWEVER, DO NOT SCOLD YOUR WIFE OR IT WILL END BADLY FOR YOU. AND THEN YOU WILL BE ON HERE GIVING THIS TYPE OF ADVICE TO ANOTHER SURLY DAD.

    You absolutely have to violate your kids privacy and periodically go through their phone. You will learn a lot by just reading their text messages and then returning it without them knowing.

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  15. 10 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

    Yeah.  This one certainly doesn't agree.

    This too.  I was probably on the higher end of the sex drive bell curve.  Now that I'm of a certain age, it's probably down to "pretty normal."

    And this.  I was chasing girls with all I had from a pretty early age, and I wasn't pressured by anyone, wasn't trying to impress anyone....I was really, really, really into girls, and wanted as much action as I could possibly get. 

    But also, the "guys just don't want sex as much" rings bullshitty to me, kind of a "those grapes are sour anyway" shit.  Why do I say that?  Because "incels" aren't just sitting at home, happy to be playing video games and eating Cheetos.  No...a shitload of them are angry, bitter, and resentful of "Chads" getting all the "Stacies."  If we were just dealing with a lower sex drive, they wouldn't care.  But they care.  Deeply.  They are angry - the the point of becoming violent.

    Since the beginning of time, men have chased sex.  Because they want it.  Today is no different.  If young men are dealing with 1) social impetus to just not be that into sex, but underneath, 2) they still have the same biology we all had, and have had for millenia....yeah, I can see why we're dealing with some messed up dudes.

    I think it's simply a case of insecurities. If you interact with young people they spend way too much time in their own world and simply don't know how to interact socially. Take a guy like that. No game. Socially awkward. Match him up with a girl who is also socially awkward due to the same reasons. They want to have sex, but just can't get out of the starting blocks. Time goes by. Insecurities build. More time goes by. Frustration sets in. So on and so forth.

    I know you know this having young adults, but these young folks are awkward as hell. Just watching them attempt to interact with each other is cringy. You can sit and watch them missing all the body language cues as well. Just flat out hard to watch.

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  16. 12 hours ago, seven said:

    I also don't understand how guys have sex with women they aren't attracted to just to get some pussy. I tried it once, knew it wasn't for me a few minutes in, faked a nut and peaced out. I'd rather just jerk off. 

    I don't know man, say there is a particular thing you like sexually and you find out there is a woman that is very good at it. She isn't obese or anything but simply isn't what usually does it for you. You mean to tell me that upon finding out said abilities it doesn't ratchet up your interest level? I find that weird.

  17. On 4/26/2024 at 9:51 AM, BeardIP said:

    It's not right. And I don't think they have the right.

    But it's what they do.

    And everyone, in 2024, knows it. The reputation for cops as thugs, bullies, etc. with little to no accountability. It is known.

     

     Funny that you think that woman knew what she saw the police doing on tv to people of color in those poor areas over there would ever apply to her, and not that every interaction she's ever had with police officers up to that point has been positive, and if she could just step in and reason with the officer he would just.....

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  18. Man, it's crazy people walk around this motherfucker seeing the price of goods, vehicles, and real estate and still think the way these guys do. We are all olds now and in decent positions in life but one should keep their ear to the ground because the generation behind us is struggling. You don't need charts to see it either. The birthing rates and amount of young adults living with their parents says all you need to know. 

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  19. 13 minutes ago, slorch said:

    Guess what I do if my employer limits my hours to 32 or less?

    Hint:  Not just sit there like a fucking victim.  Stop acting as if it's a one way relationship.  Is that how much control you have over your life? "Well furk, Edith.  WidgetsUSA cut my hours to 30.  That's all I can do now..."

     

    10 minutes ago, Captainant said:

    The median wage earner (according to 52-80, earning $15/hr for 41k/yr income) would usually have to take a second job, which also doesn't give full time hours. And neither job schedules you with more than a few days notice. A good friend of mine from way back has made a habit of fucking up and is stuck in that phase of working hourly jobs, and the cold truth is there's just not much out there that offers full hours and benefits

    This is the business model that a lot of companies that employ hourly are rolling with. Hard workers go and get a second job. Companies are no longer in the mindset of giving away anything. Newsflash, they also are pushing experienced people out in favor of younger people they can pay less to do the same work. Welcome to 24 Slorch. 

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  20. 1 hour ago, Captainant said:

    Lots of employers intentionally give employees 32 hours weekly specifically so they don't qualify for benefits and are forced to the ACA marketplace - which is not a magical "fox everything and give coverage to everyone" solution as you are framing it. It's just another place to buy an insurance plan from an insurance company that exists only to stand between you and your care

     

    1 hour ago, slorch said:

    LOLz.  I framed it?

    It's reality bro.  You want equal results for everyone.  Equal misery. I disagree.

    You know when the last time I averaged 32 hours of work in a week?  Seriously at age  16 or so.

     

    Now let's talk "framing" of an argument and discuss what grown ass adults should be doing, or making decisions around.  You want to work part time, then that's how the comp works.

    There are literally swaths of companies that cap people to prevent them from benefits. It's a science. Some of you guys are Neanderthals, out of touch with the times. Companies no do what they can to prevent that as well as OT. Moose out front. 

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  21. On 2/13/2024 at 2:33 PM, JesusSweatDuck said:

    Yeah, Indoor volleyball is unique compared to almost all other girls sports.  Less camps/etc, more recruiting from the National level tournaments.  Beach is inline with soccer.  Unless you're top 50ish players you're not going to hear much, if anything, from coaches.  We've been road warriors as well, multiple college showcases.  My daughter emails all her schools (Tier 1, 2 and 3) once every two weeks or so but it's like blackhole and you hear almost nothing back.

    The advice to not giving up if it doesn't happen June 15th is key, and our club director said the same.  There will be a lot of girls that get committed early, but the schools then start working through their lists.  Also, just because you don't get a call doesn't mean you shouldn't call.  Be proactive, communicate regularly.  Although, right now being in the no contact phase is super frustrating as you have zero ideas where you stand.

    Indoor is a cesspool of politics. Horrible. We have a girl on our team that is playing outside hitter. She has the worst hitting percentage on the team and is our worst passer as well. The more she plays the more we lose. She was playing her in front of another girl who has terminal hitting ability. All the parents were trying to find out why she is getting so much playing time. Come to find out our coach is giving her private lessons. So basically pay to play. I had heard about stuff like that going on elsewhere but it was our first time experiencing it. The kid she is playing can't even make her high school team at the position she is playing at club, and its not like they are loaded. Meanwhile, everyone else is "first team all something" at their schools.

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  22. 16 hours ago, Celery Man said:

    just fyi Wake Forest is not in Wake Forest 😃

     

     congrats, that’s awesome.

    Funny fact, my daughter had no idea who they were.

    Kid-"Is that a good school pops?"

    Me-"They are a P5 program"

    Her- "a wha?"

    me- "They are in the same conference with G-Tech, Pitt, and Louisville(solid, ranked vball programs she knows)"

    her- gets excited

    me- slaps forehead

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  23. 17 hours ago, BabaYaga said:

    Same boat, but girls soccer.  She's 15, and we've been road warriors these last few weeks at college ID camps and showcases.  Biggest takeaway from the camps, coaches, and current players is "comparison is the thief of joy"

    June 15th will come and go.  Some will get tons of calls, others few or none.  What will 100% happen is their peer groups social media will explode with college stuff.  Much of it might be valid, much of it probably isn't.  Parents/kids trying to drum up fake demand.  Stay the path. 

    Multiple girls from different schools stated they didn't get picked up until their senior year.  Factor in the transfer portal and it's even screwier.  There are also limited schollies for Title IX sports.  Soccer gets 14 schollies for rosters that vary from 28-32.  Vball is probably different, but very few get a full ride.  

    Yeah volleyball is different. D1 is 12 schollies, D2 8, and NAIA 8. None for D3. All schollies for D1 have to be full ride. No partials. D2 are usually partial. Some levels are allowed to split with academic scholarships. There are usually around 16 kids a roster.

    We have been to almost no camps or showcases. She went to one camp her club hosted last season and that's it. The traction she has gotten has been from social media or eyeball tests. The cool part of vball is the direct, across the net visuals. For example, the number 1 player in the country at our age group is Henley Anderson from Drippings Springs. She is a 6'3 Outside Hitter. We played her club team last year and there were 41 recruiters standing around the court. While they are watching her they are also seeing yours too. My daughter hit a ball so hard off the top of one of her teammate's head that it went two courts over. On Friday we leave for a tournament in KC. It's a NIT called The Tripe Crown. There are roughly 5000 clubs in the US and The Triple Crown invites the top 100. So almost all the best kids are in the same place. Last year it drew over 300 recruiters. Huge platform for your kid to be seen, but def nerve-wracking with all the recruiters standing around the court watching and taking notes.

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