Things I Hate About Ohio
Let’s just get this out there: Ohio might be the most aggressively average state in America. You know that friend who shows up to the party, doesn’t bring anything, talks trash about your team, and then leaves early? That’s Ohio.
Clevecinanntiland– They are like the urban version of a hangover. People keep promising Cleveland is “making a comeback.” Yeah, so is fascism. Skyline Chili sucks. So does Procter & Gamble, where I spent way too much time at. Columbus is the home of shitty insurance companies.
The fans – No commentary needed
The excitement factor – The state motto should just be: “Well… we’re here.”
The lack of successful graduates –Sorry. I’m sure they’re out there. Never met any in NYC or Austin.
The lack of history – What actually happened there that we should care about. Oh, they had a few Civil War regiments. Well, that certainly makes them unique.
The lack of famous people – Okay, Neil Armstrong is cool. So is Sarah Jessica Parker. Steven Spielberg is okay. After that, nada.
But in the spirit of fairness, I’ll admit there are a few things I actually like about Ohio:
Devo – The horribleness of Ohio is the reason they were great
Chrissie Hynde – Absolute rock goddess
The Wright Brothers – They invented airplanes just so people could get out of Ohio faster. And they did it in North Carolina.
The Museum of Rubber in Akron – Weirdly fascinating, and let’s be real: a whole lot of Ohio jokes basically write themselves from that one