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El Squared

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Everything posted by El Squared

  1. Lincoln Riley eats cucumber sandwiches without butter.
  2. Lincoln Riley has a cat named Pussy and a pussy named Jake.
  3. Lincoln Riley prefers rhomboids to parallelograms.
  4. Lincoln Riley doesn’t fart when he asked friends to pull his finger- he cums.
  5. Lincoln Riley does his own Pap smears.
  6. Lincoln Riley actually waited for Godot.
  7. Lincoln Riley stays up all night to watch The Golden Girls marathon.
  8. Lincoln Riley keeps Cheese Whiz in his glove box.
  9. Lincoln Riley gives US Savings Bonds as graduation gifts.
  10. Lincoln Riley has silk-lined lederhosen.
  11. Lincoln Riley says he’s helping power wind farms every time he farts in church.
  12. Lincoln Riley always tries to order free range squirrel at Hudson’s on the Bend
  13. Lincoln Riley always turns the toaster at hotels to 10 before he checks out.
  14. Lincoln Riley shaves with LEGOs.
  15. Lincoln Riley orders a “ McWater” at McDonalds.
  16. Lincoln Riley has an SEC tattoo and grille
  17. Lincoln Riley thinks Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK.
  18. Lincoln Riley prefers Parkay over butter.
  19. Lincoln Riley has a Nancy Pelosi poster he holds up with one hand.
  20. Lincoln Riley has a collection of Pace Picante jars.
  21. Lincoln Riley puts single ply toilet paper in the guest bath.
  22. Lincoln Riley thinks Futureman is Surly’ best poster.
  23. Lincoln Riley thinks he is saving the planet drinking 2% milk.
  24. Lincoln Riley farts in crowded elevators and then stares at the guy in the wheelchair.
  25. Lincoln Riley gets out of the shower to piss AND shit.
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