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GlenFromTheMailRoom

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Posts posted by GlenFromTheMailRoom

  1. 1 hour ago, Professor Chesney said:

    If these collectives are unscrupulous assholes, they’d probably try sending a strongly worded demand letter threatening legal action even if there is zero legal basis or chance they would actually follow through. I’m sure they’re upstanding folks, though. 

    Well fuck you too buddy.

    • Haha 3
  2. I figured I would post an update as part of keeping up with journaling exercises, which I've been slacking on.  I've lost track of time a bit on how long it's been since my last drink but I guess that's a good thing.  The cravings come and go but that's in large part to due to some of the anxiety issues I've still been dealing with.  The therapist I was working with was kind enough to bring in Dr. Francisco Gonzalez-Lima (her husband) to one of our meetings to discuss what he thought might be happening.  We spent an hour and half discussing how the nervous system works and how he believed I was using alcohol as a coping mechanism for a deeper seeded anxiety/panic issue I've likely been dealing with my whole life but was never diagnosed with or dealt with.  Once I had the panic attack in October 2024, I started developing safety behaviors due to the cessation of alcohol, various medical ailments, and other GAD/PD symptoms that were never addressed.  

    That was one of the most informative and helpful conversations of this whole ordeal over the past few months Dr. Gonzalez-Lima was able to get me referred to one of his partners at UT to craft a PD/GAD treatment plan that they both feel will be highly successful and their data supports it.  If anyone else is dealing with anxiety/depression issues associated with sobriety, I'd encourage to look up the work by both Dr. Michael Telch and Dr. Francisco Gonzalez-Lima (both longhorns) in order to get empirical information about what you're dealing with.  That's the first step they both make you do if you decide to work with them anyways.  

    I will say that despite having some really good days and some very bad days, my will to not drink is growing and as I become more informed about what is going on with me physiologically.  Now that there's a plan in place to help with the mental side of things, I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Please see below for info about Dr. Telch and Dr. Gonzalez-Lima and make sure you are taking care of your mental health.  Stopping drinking is hard enough but you wont realize the amount of pieces you have to pick up.

    Keep fighting the good fight.

    Glenn

    https://liberalarts.utexas.edu/psychology/faculty/telch

    https://liberalarts.utexas.edu/psychology/faculty/fg

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  3. 3 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

    If it means that I get to step on the lifeless bodies and necks of Codaxx, Realgreggym, Spider2yBanana, D3zii, and perhaps there's some friendly fire opportunities for the likes of Randolph Duke, Hook1997, and Helobious...well, I guess I'll stop skipping leg day. 

    Count Me In Rick And Morty GIF

    You don't work out you lying fuck.

  4. 34 minutes ago, Captainant said:

    TBH data-wise it's not much different. If you're taking in 3rd and 4th order sources of information that layer on analysis, you're introducing a ton of bias into your data. Focusing on raw market data will lead to a more durable model that operates on first principles - but it also takes more training time to build that foundation of knowledge.

    There is some very interesting work around using LLMs to conduct enterprise-wide sentiment analysis to wholly analyze the totality of a company's communications and filings, official and unofficial. The idea is that it will give a more comprehensive view of their self-assessment, which is a very useful asset in planning

    Quick second post.  Forgot about double quoting.

    Yes & no.  That's why I did caveat my statement by stating they are proxy data sources and not raw data sources.  Comms, regardless of any level, are notoriously worse at introducing truth bias (I.E. people trying to use twitter data for multiple years only to realize it was just a bunch of bots).  From a data science lense, it will all boil down to the EDA, data quality, methodology, etc.  

  5. 20 minutes ago, Goredho said:

    Yeah, until next week.  I appreciate the post, but the point isn't the details of what we should be doing, the point is that we and everyone else have had their business upended based on the capricious economic policies of someone who thinks they are smarter than Warren Buffet, Jerome Powell and every other banker /economist.  Instead of focusing on how to best serve our customers, we are having to focus on how best to serve the governmental intrusion into our business for some end that does not help our business or our customers.  That is multiplied across every business in the country.  It does not appear to be going away anytime soon.  What effect does that government-induced waste have on a market, economy and currency of the host nation?

    I get it.  Was just passing it along from a super senior data science practitioner that's also worked in fintech in the past.  In fact - I was one of the people summoned to DC by the newly founded CFPB to talk about fintech underwriting & business practices.  Bear in mind the CFPB intrusion was warranted by this particular business but that's a different story for a different day.  

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  6. On 4/14/2025 at 10:12 PM, Goredho said:

    I'm a tech guy, but its fin tech.  We are in the risk mitigation business.  We need to be able to look at a customer's financial data and ascertain if we want to loan to them at all, and if so, at what terms that give us a solid bet to get back our principal and interest.  Our customers are businesses selling to consumers.  Our poor data scientists have been scrambling to try to figure out how to work supply chain details into our models, and its looking like an impossible task.  Even if you find data that correlates to more lending risk today, the rules will change tomorrow, or next week.  They are frustrated as fuck and morale is declining as they try to chase the chaotic whipsaw economic policy.

    There are likely a million little stories like this at every company in the US (world?) that add up to an enormous amount of pointless effort and missed opportunities.  A wholly different kind of governmental waste being inflicted upon the nation.

    That's a fools errand from you data science team.  Supply chain data is laggy and non-deterministic at best.  They need to be looking at market level, proxy data, looking at the correlations of the industry the business is in to the demand signals for their products, and building derived variables to supplement the credit risk modeling they're doing.  

  7. On 4/2/2025 at 8:29 AM, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

    Keep going! Go to an IOP, they will help not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. Nothing at all but greatness and amazing change can be said for good treatment centers. I have done the cold turkey route many times and it seems to make it harder to stick versus having a group of help. Proud to hear of the work you’re putting in. Keep it up. 
    “Drugs/alcohol gave me the wings to fly but they took away my blue sky” 

     

    Thank you for the encouragement. 

    This week is officially been 11 weeks since my last drink, I think.  I'm losing track a bit but I guess that's a good thing.  I've been continuing with breathing exercises and meditation as well as continuing to see my psychiatrist.  Who I'm a bit on the fence about at this point because it's been 4 sessions and she keeps saying we're just scratching the surface.  If this is about CBT, then I don't know if my insurance will allow it to go long enough to get the full effect at this rate.  I decided to toss the SSRIs largely due to the fact that I can't deal with the side effects right now.  I had been doing well on the prozac until a non-related health issue (stomach issues) came up last week and the Dr. switched me off of it and onto Lexapro.  I didn't handle the change well and didn't sleep for almost 3 days.  The Dr. (a G.I.) said to try to push through it but I need to sleep in order to deal with the other thing that's going on.  I'll spare everyone the details of that because it's not tangential to this thread.  I had to wind up taking a dose of Temazepam to knock me out last night but was able to get a solid 7 hours in and feel much better today.

    The lack of sleep really threw me for a loop and I wound up getting some BW done because my body was stressed out.  All that came back clear and we're still treating the other thing.  I've been looking more into Ketamine therapy as an alternative to SSRIs for the anxiety.  I know there's no express lane for this stuff but I also don't want to go the pharmacological route for the rest of my life.  The gut issues seem to be at the heart of what is really driving the anxiety and the GI, psych, and an integrative health doctor here in Austin seem to be in agreement with that.  My panels from the integrative health visit turned up some interesting stuff.  Low vitamin D levels, moderately low test, and thyroid.  They sent me some stuff to handle that but I'm holding off the test and thyroid supplements while I deal with the stomach issues.  

    I'd encourage anyone that's recently gotten sober or is considering getting sober to see both a GI and integrative health doctor (make sure they're an actual physician) to make sure your gut is in order.  As you get older, that stuff is nothing to mess around with.

    I still have no desire drink and the thought hasn't crossed my mind.  

    Keep fighting the good fight.

    Glenn.

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  8. New season, new gear.

    Been a while (Thanks Mrs. MailRoom for blessing us with two kids) since I've upgraded the setup so I went full bore on everything I've always wanted.  Wound up with this -

    1W TM QI10 @ 9 degrees with project x hzrdus 6.5

    3W TM QI10 @ 15 degrees with mitsubishi tensei x-flex

    3H TM QI10 @ 19 degrees with fujikura ventus velocore x-flex

    Bettinardi MB24 4-PW with KBS Tour X 130's

    Bettinardi Bronze Finish Wedges in 50, 54, 58.

    Bettinardi Limited Run BB8 

    And threw it all inside Ghost Golf Anyday Standbag.

    Got a social membership at The Hills in Lakeway and have been out on the range pretty much every day since I've gotten it all.

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  9. It's been another week and I just wanted to post an update/journaling exercise. 

    Finding time to put my thoughts down on paper has been hard over the past week or so with this, honestly, being the most difficult part of things at this point.  Lately it has felt like my mind and body are turning a corner minus some GI issues that dehydrated me one day and shot my potassium and magnesium levels up - nothing a couple of liters of IV fluid didn't help fix.  I've been doing a lot of wellness activity and it has really helped when the anxiety has kicked in.   I start and end my day doing breath work and meditation and that has been a great platform for starting my day well and ending it calm and relaxed, meaning hopefully a good nights rest.  

    I did have to go the SSRI route with a baby dose of prozac & hydroxyziene to help manage the anxiety when it creeps up.  The good thing is when the anxiety kicks in to gear and I feel an episode coming on, I can tamp it down enough to not have a full blown attack with that only happening once in the past 10 days or so.  The GI issues have really thrown me for a loop physically which is a lot of the root cause of the anxiety because a lot of the symptoms mirror other potential major issues per my GI & psychiatrist.  Once they both kick in, the feedback loop starts.  I did full panels (the hyper expensive integrative health versions) to double check everything and put my mind at ease.  Other than low vitamin D levels, I'm healthy as a horse across the board.  The plan is to keep up with the meds, meditation, add in some supplements, exercise, and keep seeing the psychiatrist for the next few months when I can start winding down.  I'm also down 10lbs of good weight which has been a pleasant surprise.

    I do really feel like things are getting better but slowly.  Anyone thinking about getting sober after heavy alcohol use, I'd caution that your mind and body are likely not as healthy as you might think.  The GI issues have fucking sucked, the brain zaps have fucking sucked, and getting stuck in a feedback loop when they both kick in at the same time really fucking sucks.  When I look back to when I started this journey, there's a mountain of things I would have done differently but everyone is different and every experience is different.  The one thing I will say is get as much help as you can because of those facts.  I went at this solo and cold turkey to start and that was the wrong move.  There is no silver bullet for this and the sooner one accepts that fact the sooner you can start and even though it will be rough, you'll slowly start to have mornings like I'm having today.  Spray tanned, rested, and ready - and feeling great.  

    Yesterday was 10 weeks.  Keep fighting the good fight.

    Glenn

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  10. 2 hours ago, Schulz2.0 said:

    The very conservative folks up here are super butthurt about liberal Californians and Texans moving in.

    We're pretty politically moderate and have owned a home in the Durango area for 5 years now.  We're pretty used to it and can tune them out.

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  11. On 3/14/2025 at 10:55 AM, Kennythetiger said:

    Glen, how are you feeling, lately?  

    Apologies for being a bit slow to respond - the family and I are in Colorado for Spring Break.  

    Things have ebb'd and flowed.  Had a really good week last week except for last weekend.  My brother in law had a bday party for his wife on the friday before this past one and their group is a pretty rowdy party bunch.  I didn't partake and kept club soda in my hand all night to the amazement of some of the folks there.  Being around that much booze though seemed to trigger some of the PAWS symptoms and I started getting the brain zaps while we were there.  We left shortly after and I spent most of the weekend just getting by and exercising.  It seems when episodes like that hit, they stick around for a 24-36 hour period and leave me feeling pretty terrible but I try to dull them with a workout.  I still haven't had any urges to drink mentally but my body still freaks out.

    This past week was better most of the week until Friday.  No brain zaps, thank god, but good sleep was really hard to come by this weekend.  I'm pretty dead on my feet but can't seem to fall all the way asleep and that seemed to trigger an episode last night that lasted through this afternoon.  More body zaps and racing thoughts.  I'm going to try to load up on melatonin tonight and see if that helps on the sleep front.  If there is a positive side of things, It seems like I'm slowly going longer periods between bad days.  Even if it's an additional day each week between episodes, if that makes any sense, I'll take the wins where I can get them.

    There was an issue with my insurance coverage on the outpatient recovery center.  They said that since I'm not actively drinking that my insurance kicked back the approval.  They called today and said they had a work around but I haven't had the time to call them back.  I'm going to see what they have to say and hopefully it's good news.  I'm hoping they can help with the withdraw symptoms somehow because those days are the worst.  Tuesday will be 2 months since my last drink.  I know these things take time but the bad days can be brutal.  

    Keep fighting the good fight.

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  12. Apologies if my messages in this thread get long winded.  Consider this as part of my journaling exercises associated with the process.  I hope that anything shared in here might help others that are considering getting sober and if you need help to seek out the resources that are available.  I've learned that you can't start your recovery journey if you don't take the first step.

     

    Today was a much better day.  Got a good nights sleep last night and no feelings of overwhelming anxiety today, no brain zaps, etc..  I went ahead and called Sage recovery center today and had a great conversation with the staff there.  They agreed that it sounded like PAWS and I went ahead and initiated the intake process to help manage my way through PAWS symptoms and to have a third party keep me accountable to seeing things through.  One fortunate part of the appendectomy is that now my out pocket is covered for the year, doing the evening outpatient program for 7 weeks would cost less than my old monthly booze expenditures. I'd do the inpatient but I have to work.  In addition to that, they have a clinician & psychiatrist onsite in the event any medication is required to help manage the PAWS symptoms.

    8 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

    Ashwagandha needs to be taken in capsule form for about a week before the benefits become clear.

    I had a hop water once and it caused my euphoric recall to fuck with my head, so its a non-starter for me.

    That's good to know.  Are there any specific ones you recommend?  I've tried a few here and there but it was interment/spot dosing so that may be the reason I never noticed any benefits.  I think I may have similar issues with euphoric recall and have switched to kombucha mixed with soda water to have something to keep my drinking hand occupied.  That seems to be helping except.  The only downside to drinking that much water is that I have to piss every half hour.  I'm dropping the light dosing of THC drinks as well as I think that euphoric recall may be coming from those as well.  I hope I'm understanding and using that terminology correctly.

    2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

    Nothing soothes anxiety like sitting in a meeting, eyes closed, ears open.

    For the short term, I'm going to be using the nightly outpatient meetings to satisfy this part.  I worry that going to any informal meetings at this juncture might trigger something and kick me into anxious state.  When I have a better grasp on things, I do plan on attending weekly meetings near me.  I'm currently in the Lake Travis area if anyone has any recommendations for groups in the area.

     

    7 hours ago, Celery Man said:

    I’m not sure if I’m following the timeline exactly but I had crippling anxiety when I was trying to quit. Sweating, heart palpitations, panic, etc. That was just all the time for my last year of drinking and the only relief was to drink. I could never get 4-5 days out from a drink so I couldn’t tell you if it got better and then ratcheted back up - I kept trying to taper but couldn’t make it out, and then when I detoxed shit went sideways and I was in a coma for a while. 
     

    Anyways, I think I’ve been there, kinda sorta. If the anxiety was ratcheting up that day after any time you drank, that would track as it being withdrawals related. Give it time, be careful, don’t go back.

    The timeline went pretty much like this:  Panic Attack in early October -> first pass at tapering consumption -> get put on first round of SSRIs because of the panic attack -> PAWS symptoms kick in -> change SSRI because of symptoms -> repeat the last two steps two more times with trips to the er splashed in -> go two weeks without drinking just to fuck up and have a couple glasses of wine after a week of feeling okay -> ER the next day because of what I thought was SSRI side effects -> restart sobriety clock -> switch to THC drinks to help manage what I now know is PAWS symptoms -> stop taking SSRIs completely -> appendix ruptures -> narcotic based painkillers kick my dick in the dirt -> PAWS symptoms persist -> Me thinking the PAWS symptoms are the SSRIs not being out of my body -> mix in good days & bad days -> realize the SSRIs aren't in my system anymore and the symptoms are still there -> go see a cardiologist to see if it's my heart and told everything looks fine but a get a heart rate monitor to be safe -> fire previous behavior health specialist that kept throwing stuff at me instead of looking for the root cause -> start internet sleuthing to figure out what might be going on -> decide to visit the alcoholics thread on surly and make my first post -> today.

    I'm trying to be thoughtful, deliberate, and cautious with how I handle things so I don't wind up in the same situation you did.  No offense.  I hope my explanation of the timeline clarifies things a bit.  It's been a rollercoaster to say the least.

    • Like 1
  13. 22 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

    The real answer for anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or one of its variants.  There are no good medical solutiions for it, especially for an addict that SSRIs don't help.

    I believe the symptoms of withdrawal coincide pretty well with a panic attack and there is something called post-acute withdrawal syndrome, where withdrawal starts up again without having any of the drug of choice.  I'm not sure how differentiable that is from craving, perhaps more intense.

    The brainless solution to anxiety is benzodiazepine drugs, librium, valium, Xanax, but they produce a euphoria similar to alcohol and run the same neurological pathways, so no bueno at all.

    Today was another shitty day.  I took a minute and looked into what you mentioned and after reading a bit more about PAWS, I think this is spot on.  Almost everything on the PAWS Iist of symptoms has been going on. I  was able to get in touch with a different mental health professional today because the last one wasn't listening and I feel like he should have brought this up instead of throwing a bunch antidepressants at me that just made things worse.  I'm talking with them tomorrow at 8am to see if there's anything they do in the short term while I get the CBT piece figured out.  Thank you for bringing this up and I sincerely mean that.  I would have never found PAWS without you mentioning this and would have just tried to tough it out using edibles to help manage the anxiety.  Happy to report back tomorrow after I speak with the mental health professional.  I'm also going to talk to some folks over at a detox center to see if inpatient/outpatient might be the way to go while I get a handle on this. 

    Thanks again for mentioning this.  I owe you a box of Omaha steaks.  

     

    20 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

    Ashwagandha (Withania somnifera) has been used for over 3,000 years, primarily in Ayurvedic medicine, which originated in ancient India. It was first documented in Ayurvedic texts like the Charaka Samhita and Sushruta Samhita, which date back to around 1000 BCE.

    Traditional Uses in Ancient India:
    • Used as a Rasayana (rejuvenating herb) to promote longevity and vitality.
    • Given to warriors before battles to enhance strength and endurance.
    • Used in spiritual practices to promote mental clarity and relaxation.
    • Prescribed for stress, fatigue, anxiety, and immune support.

    Spread Beyond India:
    • Ashwagandha also became part of Persian and Middle Eastern medicine through trade routes.
    • Used in Unani medicine, which blends Greek, Arabic, and Indian healing traditions.
    • Eventually introduced to Western herbal medicine in the modern era due to research on adaptogens.

    Would you like more details on its historical use in specific cultures?

    I've actually used these types of drinks in the past as an alternative to wine & beer in social situations.  Hop water I think it's called.  In addition to those, I've been taking lion's mane gummies along with my vitamins in the morning which I don't know if it's actually doing anything but I'm willing to try pretty much anything on days like today.  

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  14. Well.  I decided to start my journey to sobriety 6 weeks ago and what a rollercoaster it's been.  I'd been trying to stop drinking for a while but was never really committed to it.  New year's resolution agreement with myself type of deal.  Well, that's when the anxiety decided to really start fucking with me.  Any time I had anything to drink, especially after overindulging, I would have the absolute worst anxiety the next day - at least that's what the Dr.'s told me it was. Totally lethargic, shame, overly concerned about my health etc..  Where things really came to ahead was having a full blown panic attack.  I've been healthy as a horse my entire life (minus the obvious) and have never had to deal with anything like what was going on.  I've gone for a 30 minute jog every morning, work out at the gym 5 days a week, eat clean, take a multi-vitamin, and all the other healthy stuff one can try to do for years and this was new territory for me.

    I was driving to my oldest's soccer game in Bastrop and the panic attack hit me out of nowhere.  I've never had any major health issues but my father has high blood pressure issues and my grandfather died of a heart attack when I was 1 and that's what I thought was going on.  I had never experienced anything like it.  Chest got tight, heart was pounding, vision was going black, and sweating bullets.  I had my youngest in the car with me and had to pull off the road and call 911.  The EMS showed up 5 minutes after I called and said no heart attack and gave me shot to calm everything down.  Scared the living shit out of me to the point that I had them drive me to the ER so I could hear it from the doctor themselves.

    This is when the fun really started. 

    After the quick trip to the ER to have them tell me nothing was actually wrong with me, I decided it was time to stop.  In addition to that, I went to see a behavioral health specialist because of the panic attack and to see if there was anything they could give me to help manage the anxiety while I was trying to sober up.  Turns out my body didn't respond well to any type of SSRI and because of it, 3 more trips to the ER happened because they were actually making the physical effects of the anxiety/withdrawl that much worse.  Insomnia, high blood pressure, tinnitus, etc.  You name the side effect, I had it.  The last nail in the coffin was when out of nowhere my blood pressure shot up to 180/110 and another trip to the er just to say I have runners cardiovascular system and nothing was wrong.  They did ct scans with the dye of pretty much my entire body and drew what felt like half a gallon of blood over all these er visits just to have everyone say "You're fine.".  I threw all that shit in the trash (I don't know how shit that does that kind of stuff to people can be legal but also understand that it helps others) and started fresh with the cold turkey approach.

    Because shit wasn't already hard enough with the anxiety and trying to get sober, my appendix decided to rupture in the middle of my oldest's birthday dinner.  After yet another trip to ER and one less appendix later, I was back home within 48 hours.  This is when I learned that I'm overly sensitive to pretty much any medication.  While dealing with going cold turkey from booze and trying to manage my anxiety (thank god for THC), the pain meds they gave me decided I wasn't dealing with enough and decided to join the party.  I wound up losing 8 pounds in a week and felt like my skin was crawling before switching to just Tylenol so things would hopefully normalize.  I wound up gaining some of the weight back but not all of it, turns out no booze while working keeping up with your fitness is a good way to get back in better shape fast, and have had more good days than bad since. 

    The bad days have been hell but I'm committed to no alcohol.  I've honestly had no desire to drink because of everything that's gone on with my body the past few months.  I had no idea just how shot my nervous system was but I also understand that I have to reap what I've sewn.

    I did have a couple of questions for those others in recovery regarding the anxiety.  Did anyone else deal with anything like this?  Going 4-5 days of feeling fine just to wind up having a bad day out of nowhere?   Did it eventually get better with/without SSRIs?

    Keep fighting the good fight.

    Glenn

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