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El Moco

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Everything posted by El Moco

  1. She kind of did it on her own because she was already blow drying her hair. I’m good with the towel.
  2. I still towel dry. Let my wife try that on me one time. Had it on hot air and almost fried of my cocktail frank and giggle berries.
  3. El Moco

    Shit My Kid Says

    We already had to do that two years ago when he found her pocket rocket in her nightstand and she walked in on him playing with it. He was fascinated and she was mortified. She told him it was used for massaging your neck. Luckily, he bought it. But, now that we busted him looking at porno on his iPad two months ago, I think he’s figured it out.
  4. El Moco

    Shit My Kid Says

    My nine year old son looked straight into my wife's face the other day and said, "Mom, tell me exactly what the vibrator is used for?" I busted out laughing in the Master Bedroom next door. My wife freaked. Luckily, my son was referring to the vibrating back pad my wife uses on her computer desk chair.
  5. I'd buy more investment properties and higher an attorney and CPA....then I'd retire.
  6. Thank goodness you weren’t rubbing one out while “calculating” that gutter job.
  7. Don't know if this counts, but we're having a house built in Katy and we found out or new cul-de-sac neighbor is an NFL football player.
  8. Sometimes, when I get a little squirrelly, I like to stick a finger in my ass.
  9. I remember when you didn’t have to lock your front door.
  10. I’ve come to accept this as part of getting old as I’ll be 50 in August but, I regularly fart when I sneeze. I can’t stop it, it just happens. Luckily, when it does happen I have a very forceful sneeze and nobody will hear me fart...unless it smells. I work in an office that is 97% female and some of my co-workers that know me pretty well have taken to asking me every time I sneeze did it have blow back?
  11. I like the Lifetime movies, with hot bimbos. Won't watch with the wife though, cause she runs the images. My wife likes seeing the Hallmark movies with me. Checking out Lacey Chabert is pretty cool.
  12. When you’re an elementary kid you are constantly playing in the dirt on your knees, playing football and general rough housing.
  13. That’s the cable box I used in college.
  14. I'm technology challenged. In other words, I'm too fucking old.
  15. I'm Del Griffith from Planes, Trains and Automobiles.
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