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El Moco

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Everything posted by El Moco

  1. El Moco

    Colonoscopy

    I turned 50 almost two weeks ago and my doctor has been asking me to get one for the last couple of years, but I keep resisting. I keep telling him I need someone to buy me dinner, flowers, mood music and lighting before I allow myself to be violated.
  2. Not being a pussy or looking for attention, just tired of being let down by four and five star recruits, and coaches, not living up to expectations.
  3. I feel so damn cheated by this team. Year in and year out, you get some of the best recruits. The coaching staff sells us a bag of goods filled with talent, resolve and determination and then....they shit their pants. All of which means my office will be a living hell for me for the next five months with these fucking Aggy, Dirt Burglar and Cougar High fans. Should I just end it now with a cyanid capsule or just take it dry and without benefit of a reach around?
  4. Yes, that whole family are a bunch weirdos. Damn parents let the underage kids get tattos and Martel and his sister have the same eyebrows as Chaka from Land of the Lost.
  5. It’s in the script damn it!
  6. Nicholas “Duffy” Fudge, the first mate on the Pinwheel, has died unexpectedly on Thursday. He was 28. No cause of death was released.
  7. I only dig for nose nuggets when I can feel a hard and crusty bastard is up in there.
  8. I was about to say a good shit when I saw what this thread was really about.
  9. Fuck Arkansas. I laughed my ass off when they let that pop up drop and immediately said they’re going to lose.
  10. I’m on vacation in Virginia. Is the game over yet?
  11. There in no way! No way you came from my loins! I’m gonna go home and slap yo momma.
  12. Backroads Pizza is awesome.
  13. "For the reals" "spaghettis" instead of spaghetti "allegedly" for every damn thing they talk about.
  14. How did you know what stall he was using?
  15. I work in a large office in the Bellaire area of Houston and I like to get to work early due to traffic. I normally get to the office around 6:30 and have my coffee and breakfast while I relax. Most of my coworkers don’t arrive until ten til eight. On this day, I decided to take a piss around 7:15 when I walked into the men’s room. As soon as opened the door I hear loud female groaning made during sex. The occupant of the stall quickly was trying to stop the audio portion of the obvious porn he was watching. Not wanting to miss an opportunity to embarrass the person, whom I knew, I said what the hell are you doing in there? Are you trying to rub one out before work? He quickly responded that it was a pop up spam that had infected his Samsung phone. He walked out , washed up and left. I couldn’t stop laughing.
  16. https://www.yahoo.com/news/man-wins-lottery-4-times-151340069.html
  17. I couldn’t fuck somebody that I would then want to cunt punch.
  18. Sonic Onion Rings and their Sausage, Egg and Cheese Breakfast Toaster Sandwich, Jack In The Box Loaded Breakfast Sandwich, Torchy’s Tacos Hillbilly Queso, McDonald’s Sausage, Egg and Cheese McGriddle, Whataburger Patty Melt, Sam’s Club Nathan’s Hotdogs, Pollo Loco The Original Pollo Bowl, Jack In The Box Ultimate Cheeseburger, Subway Steak, Eggwhites and Cheese Breakfast Sandwich, Dairy Queen Peanut Buster Parfait, James Coney Island Sanoran Hotdog.
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