Got a little wordsmith'n to share with ya Aggies. Whooop!
Kicking off with a double entendre. Nice!
1 I bet the Chamber of Commerce can't weight wait to get their hands on that slogan, Olin!
2 Extra girth ('nother double entendre there, ol' buddy?) leads to trump card. Not sure you've got a great handle on the various uses of the term girth or what a trump card is. Stop drinking beers with Brauny (but, he's soooo dreamy).
3 In case readers missed it in the headline. Milk that motherfucker!
Depending upon which type of girth your referring to, that few pounds can be a pretty big deal. Otherwise....who cares?
Olin presses for precision. Investigative reporter stuff.
Think of all the words you could have saved by saying approximately or around 180. Useful words, Olin. Useful words.
We narrow down which girth is meant. What follows is extensive family size history.
Fortunately, Olin ties it all together in the very next paragraph.
I see Olin made William's annual editorial staff meeting about constructing the annual rollercoaster:
Just a few hurdles to clear, notes our good friend:
Start engraving the Heisman!
Look at the juggernaut he'll be directing:
Rolling. Ball. Of. Butcher. Knives.
1 Inspires fear in somebody, no doubt.
2 Just ask those Bowling Green Seniors!
3 Terrifying.
Poor Olin. Come here, pig. Have some lip gloss.
I love the way this paragraph just slowly, inevitably deflates. Fully maximize! Makes sense it'd be different. At least to some extent. It was a good decision to delete the ah, fuck at the end.
Has Olin forgotten his opening double entendre as he drifted off into fantasy land about the Aggie offense? No. Not our man. Bring it on home, Olin, as only you and the cheesiest mid-century sports writers can do.