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  1. It's been 13+ years of watching Texas football step on rakes in every direction, repeatedly. I've seen less embarrassing public displays from drunk grown men attempting to footrace one another through a casino. Multiple presidential elections during that span have been less embarrassing. Jeffrey Toobin and Louis CK were thankful that Texas football was running interference for them at different points. Look, it's been a bad run. I get it. But this year isn't that. This board does not have to shit itself in panic every time an opponent with a winning record shows up on the schedule. Hell, it doesn't even take a winning record. There are multiple voluminous posters on this site that predicted Baylor, fucking rape-enabling Baylor!, who had just barely beaten some school called "Long Island University", to beat Texas. I checked and it's not even clear that Long Island U is an accredited university. That win lifted the Baylor record to a gaudy 1-2 before we pummeled them. Get a fucking grip. Texas is about win its 7th straight against Kansas State by stomping a deep mudhole in Kansas State's ass. They may have to blackout the final quarter on television in order to protect the psyches of women and small children. "But closetojumping, Kansas State is streaking right now! We're catching them at the wrong time!?!" Kansas State is indeed a rolling ball of butcher knives. They haven't given up a touchdown in 9 quarters! They've won 3 games in a row. Who does that! Who does that? Teams that play 3 shitty teams in a row, 2 at home, do that. Kansas State was losing to Texas Tech in Lubbock before Tech had to insert their 3rd string freshman QB who had never taken a snap in P5 football. Sadly for our good friends at Tech, that 3rd string freshman with no experience was named ... (checks notes) ... "Jake Strong" and not Arch Manning. Following the defeat of rising 3-5 juggernaut Texas Tech in Lubbock in comeback fashion, KSU has had the luxury of being home for the mighty 4-4 TCU Horned Frogs. TCU has beaten such football titans as Nicholls State, BYU, UH and SMU, 3 of them at home and the other at the formidable TDECU fortress in front of 12,000 slovenly UH fans. Last week, KSU ran roughshod over the mighty Houston Cougars at home to the tune of 41-0. That game followed two jihad games in a row for UH, both at home, where they played their guts out. Please spare us any concepts of the transitive property mattering at all here with a like opponent. No one needs to suffer that indignity. It's not applicable. The reality is that Kansas State plays ugly on the road. They've lost two games as favorites to Missouri and Okie State when KSU was perfectly healthy and experienced. Requiring teams to sojourn in the podunk hillbilly shithole of Manhattan, KS takes more than a little wind out of the sails for any team unfortunate enough to have to visit there. I drove by that area last summer on a road trip and felt depressed just being within physical range of that soul-sucking dump. Texas has homefield advantage in this game and that's not a difference that should be poo-pooed. Part of Chris Klieman's folksy midwestern charm is that he can dial-up the underdog story with his team when they're playing in front of the home crowd. The dynamic shifts dramatically when preaching to inferior talent and inferior intellects who are about charge out onto a field in front of better talent being urged on 100,000 fans that KSU players and coaches will, deep down in their tiny minds, know are simply better than them. "But CTJ, KSU returns their whole OL!! They have 2 QBs! One of them even had a a hit single called 'MMMBop' back in the day! We're in deep shit on defense!" Kansas State does indeed run an efficient offense and they have excellent experience across the offensive line. Cooper Beebe at LG might be an All American. Don't ever watch film of his performance and then consider that of our own Hayden Conner in comparison. It leads to dark thoughts and some pretty disturbing kidnapping fantasies. Anyway, the rest of the OL isn't covering itself in glory, particularly against better competition. They are indeed old though. The Texas pass rush should have an overall field day against these guys. KSU has faced nothing even similar to the Texas front 7. T'Vondre Sweat is going to pull a chokehold buttfuck on the right side of their OL along with Hill, Sorrell and the gang. KSU is going with a 2 QB system now, which is a smart move given that Will Howard can't stand success and will actively try to lose games against any opponent with a pulse. His performance against Okie State was eerily familiar for me and felt like watching a rerun. Weird. He's a decent runner, so you can't ignore his legs. Like many mediocre QBs, pressure leads to mistakes for Howard and he'll go through periods where he can be a turnover machine. Enter freshman phenom, Avery Hanson. After a middling career as the third wheel in a traveling brother folk band, he's turned towards a more promising role as the change of pace QB when Will Howard's averageness simply won't do. Hanson's dulcet lilting as he flies by defenders off the edge has what appears to be a paralyzing effect on the opponent. The defense must wear earplugs while he's out there and focus on playing sound assignment football. With more film now available on the guy, Kwiatkowski has hopefully done his job and put a gameplan together that accounts for dealing with both QBs and what they bring to the table. At the skill spots, KSU has a strong backfield with two TBs who are above average. Neither provides the kind of problems that the midget now playing for the Cowboys caused, but they're not holding the offense back. At WR, they have some dude named RJ Garcia at WR. I played with a wild ass vato named RJ Garcia in junior high, but there's no way he's just entered the college ranks at WR in 40's, is there? Anyway, their WR corps is a weak spot on offense. They're not going to simply streak by anyone on our defense if you ignore the fact that Michael Taaffe and Kitan Crawford will see meaningful snaps. KState does have a damned good TE in Ben "The Pussy Slayer" Sinnott. The Texas back 7 is going to have to prioritize this guy in route coverage, as he gets as much attention from the QBs as he does from cougars and sorority girls in the stands. "closetojumping, Kansas State is going to go 3 high with their safety look. Steve Sarklostagain simply fades into playcaller's block when opponents do that!" You fucking people and your nicknames. Christ. Look, Oklahoma State provided a simple blueprint for handling the 3 high look from KSU. Line up in trips, force a safety to declare, and then you're playing against a standard two deep. Steve Sarkisian is an offensive genius, right? Then we need that genius to fucking show up and be a genius. Or just be a copycat. It doesn't take a genius. In truth, Texas is a poor match-up for the KSU defense. KSU's defense is small. They lost their solid MLB for the season earlier in the year. They have a tub of goo at NT who weighs a metric ton and brings the energy and get-off of a 7/11 clerk working the graveyard shift. The secondary lacks playmakers and the edge rush severely misses alphabet soup guy from last season. I assume the offense will be able to run the ball effectively early and bully the smaller opponent down the field. This should enable Murphy to settle in and exhibit competence in the passing game and utilize multiple weapons. That should lead to pain and punishment for KSU as the game rolls into the 4th quarter. Hayden Conner needs to show up and act like he gives a shit. If he doesn't, bring in someone who will. It's past time to give someone else a look if this low-effort asscrack isn't going to get it done. Murphy needs to not throw off of his backfoot, like at all. If those two things happen, AD Mitchell mixes in a block or two, and Sarkisian can keep from turning into Corporal Upham during the middle of the game and make playcalls that make sense, the offense should roll. "CTJ, we always lose this kind of game. KSU is well-coached and their very polite, if intellectually bereft, fanbase travels well." Kansas State doesn't travel as well as BYU, I can tell you that. What in the fuck was that last week? Shit. I think they had 10k there, at least. It didn't do them much good, nonetheless. KSU is a bully this season. They'll play like it Saturday. Texas needs to come out and hit them in the mouth early and stay physical. What do I mean by "bully"? Well, everything. 1) They shit themselves on the road, as discussed. 2) They beat up on weak opponents and drive up their stats and scores accordingly. As frightening as "Southeast Missouri State" may sound, they're a weak FCS team. 4 Sacks and 588 yards of offense later and KSU showed them what tough guys they are. UCF is not ready for P5 football and hasn't won in the conference yet. KSU showed up with 4 sacks and over 500 yards in that matchup as well. 4 more sacks against Troy. 500+ yards against a hapless TCU defense that we've mocked all season. 3) Against stronger competition, KSU looks mediocre to average. They had 2 sacks combined in road losses to OSU and Mizzou. They were outgained in both games. They lost the turnover battle in both games. Hell, Troy isn't a "bad" team, with two losses to KSU and JMU, but they are just a Sun Belt team with Sun Belt talent. Troy's defense did a good job against KSU, actually. Unfortunately, Troy's offense is poo and gave KSU a short field all game and it was never really in doubt. That's what KSU does - they feast on weaknesses. They're not going to go good on good versus similar or advantaged talent and win most of those match-ups. Texas needs to win or neutralize the turnover battle and show up with high energy against a decent opponent. If Texas does that, they're ultimately going to overwhelm KSU and the mudhole will be thoroughly pounded. While I know this won't do much to assuage the handwringers, here's hoping some logic and an understanding that this Texas team is a return to prior periods of dominance, will help some of the rest of you people get your shit together. Texas rolls this weekend - 38-13. Hook'em
  2. Offensive Line is any area about which little is written, yet it is foundational to the entire offense. It is not sexy or spectacular. There are a lot of subtleties and success is tough to measure directly. Because of those factors, I wanted to start with the O-Line. These are my opinions alone but I hope they start a good discussion: Strengths: Mobility, Positioning and Footwork, Unit Cohesion Weaknesses: Size, Power (These assessments are relative to other top teams, not FBS as a whole) Watching the Washington offensive line, I sometimes wonder how they get it done. They are not especially impressive to look at and they don’t blow anyone off the ball. Yet statistically they are excellent pass protectors (19 sacks surrendered) and good run blockers (1,000 yard rusher at 5.5 YPC). How do we reconcile those conclusions? They rarely bust blocking assignments, so pass rushers get blocked unless they bring numbers. Thus, Penix faced little early pressure and he was good at stepping up in the pocket or unloading the ball quickly. The O-Line buys ENOUGH time for the quick passing game and the occasional deep shot. They don’t have to look impressive doing it. The run blocking seemed more problematic to me. For the most part, UW hasn’t been able to drive block opposing fronts. In every game I’ve watched, they struggled to move defenders when blocking straight up without the advantage of angles or momentum. It was almost sad watching them run Inside Zone even against weak teams like Stanford and WSU. Yet they manufactured a decent running game against Oregon twice and USC. They did it by using the linemen’s mobility and footwork to compensate for lack of size and strength: pulling guards (PnP and counter), running out on the quick pitch, getting downfield on screens. This is a tribute to coaching recognizing unit strengths and using those to cover up a serious weakness. They may have some smaller linemen but the coaches got them into favorable positions and matchups.
  3. We did this last year and it was fun. It was also brutal. I think one or two posters got 3 of the 4 correct? I did no better than Desmond Howard, pathetically. I took Ohio State, Alabama, NC State (Christ) and Oklahoma State (should have had me crowdsourced from this board). I'll try to do better this year. College Playoff Semifinalists: 1) Michigan - They play a cupcake schedule, they get Nebraska, Minnesota and Purdue from the Big 10 West and play 3 G5 teams in the non-con. They're loaded in the backfield, on the OL and at TE. Defensively, they're always good. Missing Iowa and Wisconsin is helpful for them. I think Rhule makes Nebraska formidable, and I expect them to play tough this year, but they don't have the dogs yet. Purdue and Hudson Card - lol and Minnesota is an okay and predictable 7-6/9-4 team that won't beat Michigan. 2) Georgia - Look, they're loaded, but they have lost so many NFL high draft picks that there is some reason to give pause. They're starting a new QB, their WRs aren't scary, and they replace a ton on defense. They don't have the same kind of bad ass on the DL, yet. None of that is really compelling to counter Brock Bowers, the freshman safety, their OL, and one of the weakest schedules in the country. I would be flat out shocked if they're not in the playoffs. 3) Texas - Mock away, assholes. The roster is loaded, the Big 12 is down, and this is the best year ever in the Saban era, sans 2007, to catch Bama at home in week 2. Only Sarkisian's playcaller's block and injuries can alter this outcome, and those are not going to happen, dammit. 4) Florida State - They have a loaded roster and they play in a weak league. Verse is one of the best pass rushing threats in CFB, Travis is a fine QB, and Norvell is an excellent coach. They have to beat one of LSU and Clemson and they're in by going 12-1. The Pretenders: Alabama - I have been all over this board espousing the logic for Bama being less formidable than they have been in a long ass time. Converting to a conservative offense, adding two new coordinators, replacing 16 starters including the country's best defender and one of the best QBs in years, getting a very violent match-up in week two and then playing a tough SEC schedule that includes both Tenn and UK from the east is a recipe for new problems. There are 2-3 losses in there, if not 3-4. Oklahoma - Oklahoma may well go 10-2 this year because of their schedule. I think Venables is a simple idiot, so I doubt they get that far, but the schedule is weak enough and the brand is big enough that they're at least getting mentions. Ohio State - I struggled not including them in the CFP, but I wanted to have a little fun. They also avoid Iowa but do play Wisconsin. They also play Notre Dame in South Bend, so that will be tough. They have problems on the OL and the QBs are unproven. Day is a damned fine developer of QBs, however, so I don't see much risk on that spot. They have one of the best TB rooms in the country and the best WR room in the country. They have some things to prove defensively after another late season collapse on that side of the ball. There's enough here for me to feel okay thinking they finish at #5. Notre Dame - They looked great against Navy. The problem with that is that Navy looked really, really terrible. I don't make too much of that game. Notre Dame, irrespective of week 0 results, need to prove they have dynamic playmakers at TB, WR, and TE. I don't think they have the horses against other big time programs. Defensively they'll be sound, but I don't know if they have a front 7 that is going to scare OSU, Clemson and USC. USC/Washington/Oregon/Utah/UCLA/Oregon State - The Pac 12 is top heavy with 6 really good teams this season. They are going to beat each other up and I don't see one emerging with less than 2 losses. Were that to happen, that team would have a resume to get in. They all have some flaws, but the two biggest are USC's defense and whether Rising can actually go all season with his playing style coming off the injury. Clemson - Klubnik has the hype, as does Shipley, but Clemson still has the same problems on offense - they don't have guys at WR or TE that scare anyone and their OL is mediocre because it always is. They have an excellent defense as always, but is it top 2-3 in the country? When Clemson was truly the best of the best, they had dynamic playmakers at QB, TB and WR, and there were 2-4 high draft picks playing every year in the front 7. LSU - The tigers got away with some breaks last year and did a great job of playing above their heads for Bama. Perkins is getting more hype than damned near any defender nationally. He's not going to surprise anyone. Daniels has to be the top runner again this year because the backfield is meh. If he gets hurt, they're in trouble because Nussmeier isn't the same running threat. They have a great OL and an emerging TE. Their WR corps is overrated. Nabors is getting absurd hype for someone who isn't scaring anyone. I'm sure the defense will be excellent, but there's enough here to doubt a playoff run with their schedule. Not worth consideration even if being mentioned elsewhere: North Carolina, Penn State, Wisconsin, TCU Dark Horse Contenders: I don't really believe either of these will get there, but oh well. Iowa - They avoid OSU and Michigan. They will have a top 5 defense in the country and create havoc as usual. The same will be true for STs. McNamara is the best QB in Iowa City since the midget idiot from Texas whose name I forgot. Only Brian Ferentz and a history of not being able to get there hold this team back. If they don't win the west, I'll be surprised. Kansas State - They return their entire OL and a good QB. They'll be very well-coached and they will play tough. The defense will be sound. They lack gamebreakers and dynamic speed. I expect 10-2, but they could also just methodically walk through the schedule outside of potentially two match-ups with Texas where they'd need some breaks. Special Mention: Texas ATM - I've seen them get dark horse mentions. They have paper thin depth at OL, TE, LB, and CB. They're loaded on the DL and Safety/NB. The first 4 WRs are an excellent unit. Little depth after that. They have meh and flakes at TB. They're an injury away from jaggerhood at QB. My view is that if that ATM had an OU 2000-esque run where they didn't lose anyone to injuries all year and Weigman lived up to the internal aggie through-the-roof expectations, maybe they make noise. My expectation is that they shit themselves in Miami and Fisher leaves Petrino at the airport, buying his own plane ticket back to BCS. Sorry for the length, I guess? Anyway, who do you have? Also, sorry if I have a glaring omission somewhere. I wrote this off the top of my head and on the fly in order to get something out.
  4. Here we go again Texas vs Bama Part Deux but this time we are rolling into the hostile territory of Bryant Denny Stadium. Last year at this time we were 20 point dogs and didn’t stand a chance against Saban as he and his 5 star fueled Death Star came to Austin. This team included 3 first rounders and 8 total picks in the first 2 days of the 2023 draft but they needed to yet again injure a Texas QB and get some Big 12 ref magic to squeak out a 1 point victory. Was this a case of Saban slipping a little bit or was Texas and Steve Sarkisian finally pulling out of their decades of mediocrity? Based on how each team finished the season it seems like more of the former as Bama lost to Tennessee for the first time in Saban’s tenure while LSU and the fighting Kelly’s beat them in an OT mid-off. During this time Texas finished 7-4 with a couple of big wins and a couple embarrassing losses. To pull off the biggest win in years Texas has to do to buck the following trends: 1. Texas mediocrity: For the past 13 years Texas has been the laughingstock of CFB and failed to live up to expectations exactly once (2018) but even then lost 4 games including a laugher to Maryland. Can Texas finally win a monster on the road and officially claim to be back for good? 2. Sevin Win Sark: Out of his 7 full seasons as a head coach Sark has won more than 7 games only 3 times. Even his biggest backers here couldn’t name a matchup of this magnitude that he has coached his team to a win in. Will he be able to finally get a big win on the road and a new nickname by years end? 3. Saban’s Dominance at Home: Saban at Alabama has won 103 and lost just 8 games at home since taking over in 2007. The current streak sits at 21 games since a team last walked out of Tuscaloosa with a win. Has Saban finally jumped the shark All the daunting trends and statistics aside here is why Texas is going to shut up all of the talking heads and pull out a dominating victory in Tuscaloosa: 1. We’re fucking Texas: Other fanbases and media will laugh at the notion that the Texas decal on the helmet means anything but disappointment but since the beginning of time Texas has dared to play big games and more often than not came out ahead. Texas has a winning record against every other Blue Blood except USC and ND. If you exclude the annual matchup with OU the total record is 25-21. But what about on the road you ask? Texas in 9-8 in true road games against the non OU Blue Bloods. No University of Texas player, coach, or fan is going to be fazed by the atmosphere, this type of game is why you choose the University of Texas. 2. Saban’s Swan Song: It is no secret that Alabama has lost their CFB throne to Georgia over the last 2 seasons but they are still 1B in the CFB pecking order. Saban has built up a lot of trust in his program to warrant the #3 ranking in a year when they lost a Heisman QB, all world defender, and do it all RB. Recruiting rankings suggest they just reloaded and will keep rolling but this is not your Uncle’s Alabama. To replace Bryce Young they tapped Jalen Milroe to assume the throne at QB despite their best efforts to buy an elite QB in the portal. If his game against the aggies is any indication than it will be a long night for Saban in Tuscaloosa. 3. Poetic Justice: Since that night at the Rose Bowl Texas has coveted a seat at the table that they once had a standing reservation at. Year after year we have had to sit by and watch an Alabama dynasty reel off championship after championship that was propelled by an injury to a Texas QB. Every dominant program has an alpha and omega when the world either knows you have arrived or that the end is near. In tandem the alpha and omega happened for Alabama and Texas on January 7th, 2010 while millions looked on. This Saturday will be the bookend moment for both of these programs as Texas beacons to the world that they are in fact back while leaving Alabama faithful wondering what will be next for their beloved program. The stars are aligned for a big night for the Horns in Tuscaloosa this weekend. Quinn has an opportunity to show us why he is the highest rated QB of all time and cement his legacy as a Texas QB. Sark is gunning to come full circle from wonderkid when he was hired at UW to a seasoned veteran HC with a career defining year. This team fucks and will prove it on the field in primetime. See yall in Tuscaloosa, I will be in U4-CC. Hook ‘em “The pride and winning tradition of The University of Texas will not be entrusted to the weak or the timid”
  5. JBJ

    Week 1 Recap

    For those of you that don't watch every game on 12 screens at the same time: TCU loses shoot out to Colorado 42-45 The national media is going to be saying that the Deion era has started at Colorado, but I want to focus on the other side of this game. And let's be clear, Deion era or not: this is a CU team that's wasn't just the worst in P5 last year; they were likely the worst team in all of FBS. Deion might make CU good this year in the sense that they make a bowl, but they aren't going to threaten nationally relevant teams, which is what TCU hoped to be this year. TCU's Big XII darkhorse dream might be over much earlier in the season than any expected. Texas Tech loses in OT to Wyoming The other team many had pegged as a Big XII darkhorse lost in OT to Wyoming. The Wyoming program has been up and down over the years, but they are currently thought to be a bottom dweller with major offensive struggles and a middling defense. It was already a bad sign for Tech to struggle in this game, but losing outright is going to be unforgivable for many in Lubbock. Baylor falls to Texas State If you are noticing a trend, it's because the real Week 1 headline is how the Big XII got rocked. This is my third game (these are in order of importance), only because Baylor didn't have any reasonable national expectations going into the season. But this is Texas State. It's a high school team. Illinois scrapes by Toledo 30-28 Illinois kicked a game winning FG with seconds remaining to avoid a devastating upset. Illinois is just outside national relevance but has been playing a bit of an upset team in the B1G. They are thought to be reloading a very stingy defense and were favored by many to win the West. This is a massively disappointing win. But, unlike the guys above, they did manage to win. Iowa 24 Utah State 14 Iowa jumped out to an early lead, so this was a more comfortable victory than the Illini had. But the Hawkeyes are right to be confused about whether they can threaten to win the West and crack the top 25 this year after a lackluster start. Oklahoma dominates some team This is the first positive headline a team is getting from me. They are a borderline-ranked team that I expected to "receiving votes" at the end of season. The team that they dominated was Central Arkansas, so it's not a season-defining win. but that is still better than what a lot of teams can say today. Combined with some really bad performances from their competition, the Sooners are feeling much better about their final season with the Big XII. I'm honestly not sure how to root this season. A Texas-OU rematch in Dallas for their final seasons in the Big XII would be incredible for a variety of reasons, but also fuck OU. Louisville comes back against Georgia Tech I'm not sure which team to make this about. Louisville is an "other receiving votes" team and is obviously disappointed with too exciting of a win over a school that hasn't really supported its program lately. But it's also about GT trying to turn that around and the start of Brent Key as head coach. I'm kind of excited as a current Atlanta resident. I watched this entire game and it's worth seeing if you find it on replay. Minnesota defends against Nebraska 13-10 This boards loves their Nebraska tears, but Minnesota is the other team in the B1G West expected to have a shot. Not a great start, but it is a win over a conference opponent. This makes the West division wide open. Washington 56 - Boise State 19 This isn't the Boise of years past, but I've been a bit of a Husky doubter this preseason. This is a good start to their season, and the PAC is going to have an exciting final season. UCF 56 - Kent State 6 This is my last headline, and it might mean nothing at the end of the season, but it did pique and peak my interest for this new addition that I still don't expect much from. However, they have my eye for at least another week.
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