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Posted

It's also probably worth considering the role of technology in his attitude and temper. Adults, much less children, were not made to have constant dopamine surges at their fingertips. Coming down off of that screen time can have severe effects on anyone's mood, and even more so for a child. The impact it has differs child to child, too. Take note of when he has these dysregulated outbursts and consider his world at that point in time. Adopt a posture of curiosity about him and the situation. What has been going on in the last few minutes, hours, and days that might be playing a role here? People are generally rational and if they seem irrational, you might be missing important context that makes their behavior rational to them (this of course does not mean the behavior is desirable, acceptable, healthy, etc). Become determined to find the understandable part and then move from that towards walking him through how to handle those situations in a more healthy and regulated way. This of course requires a significant amount of patience and time and is not always possible or feasible in the moment, but can be addressed later that evening or the following morning when everyone has had some time to process.

Posted
2 hours ago, KYHorn said:

It's also probably worth considering the role of technology in his attitude and temper. Adults, much less children, were not made to have constant dopamine surges at their fingertips. Coming down off of that screen time can have severe effects on anyone's mood, and even more so for a child. The impact it has differs child to child, too. Take note of when he has these dysregulated outbursts and consider his world at that point in time. Adopt a posture of curiosity about him and the situation. What has been going on in the last few minutes, hours, and days that might be playing a role here? People are generally rational and if they seem irrational, you might be missing important context that makes their behavior rational to them (this of course does not mean the behavior is desirable, acceptable, healthy, etc). Become determined to find the understandable part and then move from that towards walking him through how to handle those situations in a more healthy and regulated way. This of course requires a significant amount of patience and time and is not always possible or feasible in the moment, but can be addressed later that evening or the following morning when everyone has had some time to process.

Boy, you and I are not meeting the same people, clearly. 

Posted
23 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

Boy, you and I are not meeting the same people, clearly. 

I almost left that part out because I know people sometimes disagree. The full qualifier for this is: people behave irrationally all of the time. It's a standard focus of CBT to address irrational thoughts and behaviors. I'm using the term differently (and maybe I should just use "understandably" instead) to get across that if we could see it from their perspective, we would see that they aren't actually doing and thinking things without rationale. There are reasons for their behavior, even if the thoughts, actions, and feelings that follow from those reasons may not be proportionate, healthy, conducive to dialogue, etc. Once we understand the underlying rationale (fear, tiredness, jealousy, overwhelmed, overstimulated by screens, etc), it's much easier to know how to address and, in a child's case, redirect or teach different ways to handle the situation.

Posted
Just now, KYHorn said:

I almost left that part out because I know people sometimes disagree. The full qualifier for this is: people behave irrationally all of the time. It's a standard focus of CBT to address irrational thoughts and behaviors. I'm using the term differently (and maybe I should just use "understandably" instead) to get across that if we could see it from their perspective, we would see that they aren't actually doing and thinking things without rationale. There are reasons for their behavior, even if the thoughts, actions, and feelings that follow from those reasons may not be proportionate, healthy, conducive to dialogue, etc. Once we understand the underlying rationale (fear, tiredness, jealousy, overwhelmed, overstimulated by screens, etc), it's much easier to know how to address and, in a child's case, redirect or teach different ways to handle the situation.

It was a joke, buddy. 

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Posted
On 4/19/2025 at 10:22 AM, freyguy said:

You're not the first tired parent.  Put your big boy pants on and be an adult.  You need to re-evaluate what this "me-time" means.  I'm not going to jump to any conclusions, but it sounds selfish.  You're a parent, not a single adult.  Turn the "me" time into "we" time.  Yes, that's corny as shit, but take them out to do something to unwind.  Not sit on your phone or in front of a TV.

When the kids have an outburst, respond in a firm but calm manner.  It disarms them when they see you calm.  Blowing up only teaches them they can do it too.  Let them throw their tantrum, but in the end, they need firm rules. Make them apologize each time one hurts the other.  Reward them for good behavior, but don't rub it in. 

And if it feels uncontrollable, go seek out some therapy for all of yall.  Kids can struggle when dealing with their emotions.  And sometimes they need to be taught how to do so in a constructive manner, because it will only get worse through puberty. 

Great post. The following isn’t directed at you, but triggered a thought for all parents. 

Sometimes it doesn’t matter how awesome of a parent you are, some kids are just messed up no matter what. Don’t beat yourself up over it. 

Conversely, a big part of the reason you have perfect awesome kids sometimes has virtually nothing to do with your super awesome parenting. You just got lucky genetically.  Remember that the next time you are criticizing other parents.  

Finally, there’s a really really good chance that in some ways you are a great parent and in some ways a bad parent. We all have strengths and weaknesses that projects into parenting. 

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