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closetojumping

Burnt Ends
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Everything posted by closetojumping

  1. Back in the GoBig12 days an insider named “sure” would come on every now and then during a a recruitment with a lot of drama around and write something like the following: Aurmon Satchell lives in an orange house. free. And that would be that. He’d send the board into a tizzy and not return. This carried on to Hornfans. The poster’s other handle was “sua sponte “. Not sure if he’s still around or alive but it was fun. Of course, Nahlin can’t even get that shit right because he’s now doing what he started out doing with his readers, because that is all he has without guys doing the work and having the connections - actively lying. The made up take on Golden is … golden. There will be plenty more of it.
  2. If I could explain the who and the how on this one, you’d all laugh your ass off and absolutely believe it. If an agent scratches that language in the new deals, the aggie NiL folks do cave, apparently. As it relates to Nolan, remember what I said about the house in The Woodlands. It’s going to take a big package to justify them letting themselves get kicked out. I assume no other program is stupid on that level, so he’ll be back and flashing for a fifth of the defensive snaps every game in prep for his 5th round selection in the 2025 draft. Also, Texas had zero interest after confirming their suspicions after one phone call with the Nolan camp.
  3. One thing the aggies are trying to do in their new NIL agreements is a notion of a grant of rights. Even if a player goes elsewhere and makes NIL money, the money goes to the Aggie United shit. If the player doesn’t transfer the money, the aggie NIL fund is telling the players they’ll sue. So someone somewhere is supplying Hamm with some legit info about the idiotic and desperate shit the aggies are trying to do in order to plug holes in the leaking dam.
  4. Apparently Nolan wants high six figures, similar to what he got out of high school. No one is offering close to that. If Nolan leaves ATM, the house in The Woodlands is no longer available. Nolan’s dad is looking for a great second deal and a place to stay. Texas has zero interest. I assume this idiot comes back to CS and the aggie declare victory unless someone like Auburn or Oregon get really stupid.
  5. Okay, so, seriously, Melko came in and reset everything that had been sold due to limited budget. Hence the big time guys pushing back to Feb or decommitting. With a limited kitty, Melko wants to focus on quantity in the portal and if big time recruits want to get uppity, ATM was too tough for them in the first place. This keeps getting better and better.
  6. I have to tell you, I don't know if I can handle this if it is true. They are speculating on the aggie 247 board that, because Elijah Robinson is still an employee at Texas A&M and because he is currently the active head coach, his in-home visit to McKinley may count as ATM's official head coach in-home for that recruit. I mean, surely not, right? But, if so, hahahahahahahahahaaha!!
  7. We've been able to source more than a few anonymous interviews over the past few days to get a firsthand understanding of how things are going out of the gate in College Station now that Coach Melko has hit the ground there like an ELE-level meteorite. Let's see how it's going: -Regarding the visit to DJ Lagway's: "He ate most of the coffee cake and just sat there eating and heavily breathing while whichever assistant that was with him spent the entire meeting talking shit about Florida." -Seeing Ty Smith at home: "He brought with him a musical instrument case, it seemed. I thought maybe he was going to show us his saxophone skills or something. He never touched the case or mentioned it until after my mom served him coffee and they were about to leave. He opened the case and pulled out a plunger, then disappeared into the restroom for a bit. He's definitely got his own approach." -On a Zoom with someone committed to a rival SEC school and their mother: "We're not sure he knew we could see him. He had to have thought that his camera was off, right?, and we didn't know what to say. How do you tell a grown man that he needs to go put a shirt on?" -On a call with a current DB recruit's mother: "There was a lot of heavy breathing. I'm not implying anything sexual because I don't think that was the case. I just mean the man needs to see a doctor. It was a lot of deep breathing and wheezing and then he'd start in on how tough his teams were going to be and then more long pauses with deep breathing." -After the in-home with Ashton Funk and his dyed in the wool aggie parents: "Things got uncomfortable. Coach Elk got really aggressive when it came to Jimbo Fisher. He called him a bitchmade pussy and questioned the mom on why she had an autographed of the two of them together. She remarked that they had a good relationship with Coach Fisher. Coach Elk then belched loudly and declared to no one in particular that 'motherfucker tore the goddamned thing down to the studs and now I have to start with Katy redasses for the build-up. Christ!' The parents have since burned the Jimbo photo and they're excited to send the Funkmeister to Aggieland." -While sitting down at Terry Bussey's house with Colin Klein (we think) joining: "Coach Elko walked in with a plastic handle of Clan McGregor and demanded that he and the dad break bread together. The dad enjoys a good pull off of a handle every now and then, so they made fast friends. There was a younger assistant there trying to talk about the importance of run blocking for WRs in his 'scheme' and things took an awkward turn when Terry politely asked 'Who is this guy?' That didn't go over well with the assistant, who sighed, slunk down in the couch, and simply said 'You're going to remember The Darth Kleiner, I promise you that." If any of you have heard any other nuggets from families or friends that you know who have a kid involved with an aggie recruitment, feel free to add to what we work with here.
  8. Sadly, I knew what I was doing when I launched the prior post’s throwaway comment into orbit. And it’s morbidly entertaining to witness. The turning of the turrets toward our resident incel was a nice surprise though.
  9. The biggest reason I don't want Texas going after Nolan is that I don't think he's a needle mover. He's fine as a player, but he was overranked and that's continued to be a problem. He thinks he's better than he is, he's on his own snap count for plays per game. He's softer than kitten shit. He has no interest in conforming to a team's culture. Let him go merc it up somewhere else. I will be disappointed if Texas does anything there other than lob in the courtesy phone call.
  10. Melko apparently ate most of the coffee cake and just sat there eating and heavily breathing while whichever assistant that was with him spent the entire meeting talking shit about Florida.
  11. There are a mountain of things to criticize from that imbecile's reign of error at Texas and the majority are legitimate and have absolutely nothing to do with skin color or any other hot button issue in our culture. The guy was just overwhelmed with the role and the whole period was a debacle from beginning to end. Board behavior during those 3 years was quite absurd and I don't think any Texas fan can look back on that period fondly.
  12. Fisher's bidders bought the Nolan family a nice house in The Woodlands, so there's no rest for the weary here. Visit Texas and they could be under attack in both aggie stronghold towns.
  13. This reminds me of one of my favorites, of anything, ever: -Watching an entire fanbase, for an entire offseason, talk themselves into believing that Shawn Watson really was "changing the offense" only to see the same shit trotted out there against Notre Dame as they pummeled Texas on national television and we continued to be a national laughingstock. I argued the entire offseason that that shitsack was not changing a fucking thing and everyone was being delusional for taking Charley at his word on that. Once I got past the misery of the Irish embarrassment, I ran amok on 247 and, I think, Shaggy, where a bunch of dipshits had swallowed the company line hook, line and sinker.
  14. Jake Johnson has been pretty fucking quiet. Why not just announce for UNC if that's what you're doing? That one would be delicious.
  15. Sweet tangent. I'll play. Contenders: -Losing to Kansas -Losing to Kansas again -TCU buttfucking Texas in public to the tune of 50-7 -Pussies crying on live television begging Texas not to fire Chuckles after a 3rd season of complete ineptitude -Flying the school brass to Tulsa to land a 3rd rate OC -Tom Herman and the sledgehammer -Tom Herman flipping the ESPN cameras off -Arkansas 2021 - Not SEC good enough as a chorus across the media -The Eyes debacle during the pandemic -Shithead Najee Harris "Who Texas?" -Shutout at Iowa State -Being up 28-7 on OU and then bending over and showing us Oh man, so many good ones from which to choose.
  16. That's a good pairing, kind of like peanut butter and jelly, just about as healthy. I remember listening to mouthbreathers on XM84 casually declare that Van Dyke was a chalk top 5 pick heading into the 2022 season. Right.
  17. 1) Evan Stewart, Walker and Harvey combined last season for 16 drops. That should be a lethal trio. 2) Fatheree took like 3 snaps this season. They are talking on the 247 board like he may medically retire, but take that with a grain of salt. Still, if he comes back, he wasn't great beforehand and this will be an uphill climb. 3) Is Max Wright really coming back in an attempt to slip the sport of CFB a mickey for a 7th season? 4) I think Tony Grimes is gone. 5) Seems like there are going to be 3-4 more defections in the very near term.
  18. Get a fucking grip. You guys were tampering early and often with Riley at the helm, and benefitting significantly from it. Now everyone is doing it and the price of poker has gone way up and all of the sudden, "boo hoo, people are cheatin' momma! i want it to go back to the way it was, when we was cheatin' and only a few others were too!!" The last few years of college football have been pretty awesome in terms of watching a bunch of dirty fucking cheaters whine publicly that their old school bullshit is now flaccid and it's not fair that a bunch of new meanies with bigger wallets have shown up and slapped purple mushroom stains on their foreheads in public. Fuck Clemson. Fuck Alabama. Fuck LSU. Fuck Ohio State. Fuck Florida State. Fuck Tennessee. Fuck Georgia. And Fuck OU. And thanks for scooting over, it's about time we got a seat at the table.
  19. In the last 20 years, you had a winless season. Around the same time, Texas won a national title and played for another. Outside of the tainted title that Don James bought for you, you have no hardware and you’ve been vaguely relevant on the national level like 5 times in 50 years. We asked you to at least attempt some intelligent banner with your shit talking. You can’t do that because you lack a spine and a dick. It is time for you to go, dipshit.
  20. I respect the work she’s put in, including reputation-wise to rehab herself and become a D level celebrity and monetize it. Seriously, it’s kind of impressive.
  21. I agree. I don’t think he’s a bad offensive mind at all. He’d also be a great culture fit. People have raved about his contributions to the Texas brain trust around the program.
  22. Melko appears to be embracing the Cold War heel role of the Soviets. There are populations that crave and need freedom, but there are also populations that need to be beaten, controlled, and abused in order to feel loved. He's going to be a beacon of stern hope for those players needing to have the morale crushed in order to be molded into better men. That's going to be the College Station Way. Maybe they will go to Junction for practices.
  23. Ha. You are overstating his value here, man. The portal and NIL have adversely affected guys like Moffitt in ways that marginalize his capabilities. Dude is in his 60's, he's a hard ass, and he's not changing. He's also behind on the latest and greatest.
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