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MaybeACoordinator

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  1. We lost my grandmother this morning. It was her time and we are all relieved. She loved music, knitting, crossword puzzles, Fawlty Towers, Ireland, the ocean (she came from a line of at least four straight sea captains), Mexican culture (esp Mariachi Mass), Cajun/Creole culture, Big Thicket lore (her mom was from the Greater Kountze Metroplex lol), the Astros, genealogy, good books, Perry Mason, dogs, and children. She was one of a kind.
  2. Yeah...One Christmas Bubba came with Aunt J and he brought presents. One of them was for Aunt Li, who was then about 13. She opened it. It was a bikini. "Why'on't you try it on?" he said in front of the entire family. She did not. He disappeared from the picture a couple of years later and that was when Aunt J and cousins M and Sh moved in with us. There was some moment I've kind of blocked out when Cousin Sh said something remarkably like "My daddy says I am the best kisser around". I didn't find it all that strange when that same scene came up in Vacation a few years later.
  3. As some of you may know, I had a serious health scare beginning in the middle of last year, one I am still recovering from. Said scare brought my aunts into contact with my dad, the ex of their sister, and they were alarmed at what a titanically narcissistic asshole he is, and were not shy about telling me so....And you know, he come to think about it, he is, and always has been.....So even with all the craziness on mom's side of the family, the love they've shown me is preferable to his sorry coke-snorting, pot-smoking pussyhound ass. (He gave up the coke and the strange but still smokes a joint and a half a day.) I've not been welcome to stay more than a couple of days at a time at his house (in Nashville) since 1989, when, down on my luck, I moved in for a few weeks and had the temerity to eat some of my step-cunt's chicken salad from out of the fridge. (She's his third wife and selfish AF; an only child who never had kids of her own.) Since then I've been on my own and have never asked him for money, though he has provided some from certain windfalls we've had thanks to his dad and grandparents. Once these started to amount to real money, step-cunt stepped in and demanded that my sister and me be cut off, as she wanted that cash for herself. And now she is the only person he listens to, and keeps sending me these messages that are ostensibly fatherly advice but obviously translate to "Don't even think about becoming a burden on your step-cunt and me." To that end, he did start a GoFundMe for me, but then used his own picture as the lead. And it says my name, but it's "presented by (My dad)" At 75, he launched a new little career as a fucking singer of all things, and his roadshow uses his own name twice. He slots in visits to me when his gig schedule allows. As he recently told me, while in recovery, "I only married your mom so you would not be a bastard." And here I had thought for fifty-plus years they loved each other and he only impregnated her when they were already engaged. He dumped me on my grandparents' doorstep twice -- once when I was about two, and then when I was 14, all because he wanted to party instead of be a dad. He was not there when I won district as a sprinter as a HS freshman, or any of my HS-age baseball highlights, and made it to exactly one of my football games, mainly because it coincided with both the death of his brother (from AIDS; yet another gay family member) and the fact that step-cunt was still in Houston at the time, so hell, he thought, I'll go catch my only son's football game while I'm down there. Even so I idolized him for 52 years and it took my sister-aunts to get me to reassess his sorry ass.
  4. A pipefitter named Bubba. Not even kidding No and now she is about 4 bills
  5. Dates back to the Hornfans days and translates to "wow". His D was getting worked by the Urban Meyer's Utah squad.
  6. Dang...I never thought my family was worth a Torbush, but you know, crabs in a pot...
  7. Uncle T needs some fleshing out as a character. He'll be 76 this year. We suspect he was CIA. We know he was Secret Service and later worked in corporate security for various oil companies. He never married nor even brought a GF to the house but judging by his porn collection he is not gay, and he did once let us know he was dating a Filipina beauty queen. (He bought her a scarf while we were on a family trip to Europe in the flush times before the Oil Bust wrecked us) Somehow he had just happened to be in the Vatican when Pope JP II was shot. Man of mystery and also a titanic asshole. Cousin M almost murdered him with his bare hands when he got sick of his bullying in his HS years. He's a total weenie without his gun.
  8. My grandfather painted but he was more of a Picasso man
  9. Probably back in Ireland -- back then that wing of the family was Protestant, and thus had a limited breeding pool. Meanwhile my mom's mom's family has a documented case of fairly recent incest: my great-something grandmother was married to a man named Otis S. P., her first cousin. Her dad had the same name, and so did one of her brothers, so she was married to one O, the sister of another, and the daughter / daughter-in-law of a third. My grandmother is proud of it -- she said it makes us more like the royals. This happened back around 1870 after my ancestors were chased out of Sabine Pass by a combo of yellow fever and Confederate partisans, who wanted to kill OSP's dad because they suspected him of signaling Yankee ships from the Sabine Pass light, where he was the keeper. So they fled back to his native Maine, where his son fell in love with his favorite brother's daughter. (That side of the family were multigenerational sea captains) So far as I know, only one of their descendants was gay -- my mom's namesake, who played a key role in the development of Lamar U. (Not with money but sweat -- she was the head librarian for decades.)
  10. Oh and one of my sisters came out as bi, just like our mother was. And apparently my great-grandparents and grandfather. Weird, wild stuff. Oh and looking back, my mom was the real black sheep: she was a complete hellion from teen years until she drew her last breath. (Kicked out of two Catholic high schools, a drinker, a drug addict, an artist, a singer, and a brawler. She and Janis Joplin might as well have been twins) But she is no longer with us, so...
  11. So we've placed my grandmother in hospice. She is 97 but has been telling people she hit 100 for a few years. She was a little dotty when she started saying so but not demented but we've all just humored her. Why not? I think she hit 94.5, rounded that up to 95, and then to 100. Anyway, we are losing the queen. She had seven children of her own and raised three of her grandkids, including me, and now has dozens of great-grandkids. Cast of characters: Uncle T: her only son. Suffers from a textbook Oedipus Complex. Felt rejected all his life because she kept having kids, and it only intensified when she took me and my Cousin M in her house as we were both boys who rivaled for her affections. My Mom: Her second child. Deceased since 1998. Just including here so people won't wonder where she is in all this. Aunt J: Literally retarded. We strongly suspect she has fetal alcohol syndrome; my grandmother practically told me so. She said she was hitting the bottle very hard during that pregnancy because this one friend of hers and my grandfather's lost his wife in a car wreck and was coming over nightly with a handle to drown his sorrows with them. By this time my grands had sorrows of their own as Uncle T and mom had been horribly burned in a backyard BBQ incident while under the supervision of grandmother's father in Port Arthur. Anyway, aunt J is the mother of Cousin Sh and Cousin M, who were like my younger siblings. Aunt E: Born about ten years after aunt J. Boss lady of my grandmother's second batch of kids -- because we are all a decade or less apart, and I grew up with them, these are my "sister-aunts.". Extremely leftist politically and yet also very Catholic. She plans to retire soon to Switzerland with her Swiss husband; she lived there with him before and wants to go back. Aunt C We don't know where she came from exactly. She excelled both academically and athletically in school and is now semi-retired from a very successful career at Transco / Williams. She doesn't really look like the rest of us -- she got all the recessive genes. Has never really left Houston save for one trip to Europe, not even for college. Aunt Li: My favorite sister-aunt. Stubborn and loyal to a fault. We bonded as kids and have remained close ever since. Sadly, she married badly to an obnoxious Yankee salesman / huge Trump fan. She is not, but to her a vow is a vow. They had two kids -- one son is autistic or something and the other was a youth baseball star who has become a frequently-relapsing drug addict. Aunt La: The black sheep of the family, but not because of the usual reasons. For her it was because she married a millionaire right out of college and then started lording it over all the rest of us, trying to tell us how to live and what we were all doing wrong. Aunt Li and me had been feuding with her for upwards of 15 years because of her bitchiness and the rest of the family has long just rolled their eyes at her cuntiness. Her husband is from Lebanon, which has long triggered Uncle T, who calls him "that Arab" and "that carpet salesman." (He is neither -- he is a Phoenician food wholesaler. Yes, he speaks Arabic but does not identify as such -- he specificially identifies as Phoenician.) Okay, with that out of the way.... Aunts E and C have planned the graveside service. It will be a Catholic service at an old family plot in Beaumont. They decided to limit attendance at this ceremony to children of grandmother only. No grands or further descendants. Which is absolutely fine with me -- we can have a memorial service / wake-type thing a little later. Their rationale is that Uncle T really needs to be at his mama's side when she goes in the ground, and that Cousin M and I should not go because we trigger his Oedipus Complex (behind his back several of used to call him Oeddie the Puss). And we believed it was possible that Cousin Sh would trigger Aunt Li because of The Incident, which I will get to in a second. Again, I was fine with that, and I don't think any of the other grandkids care much about attending a graveside service in Beaumont when we can have a more convenient and enjoyable memorial in Houston a little later. But it turns Aunt Li plans not to attend either, because she is now a hardcore atheist and can't abide priests. And Aunt C won't be there either because she "doesn't do well with graveyards." I doubt Aunt J will go either as C is her caretaker. So it will just be Uncle and two aunts at her graveside. Along the way we've all been talking and I've learned that everyone thinks pretty much everyone on my grandmother's husband's side of the family were gay...including my grandfather, who I always did believe was a closet case. And The Incident? Way back in the '90s, Aunt Li and her Yankee husband took in Cousin Sh in Atlanta after Cousin Sh ran away from home in Houston and briefly joined a traveling carnival. Tired of the carny life, they took her in, only to have her, um, turn around and accuse Uncle Yankee of coercing a BJ out of her. Aunt Li threw her out of the house and hasn't spoken to her since....I asked Aunt C what she thought about it and she said "Well there is some debate as to whose cum it was on her face," so...(Thinking here is that Cousin almost got caught in the act of blowing some rando and chose to blame it on her host instead. If you know her, it's believable) And yet Aunt Li has decided to fight the entire rest of the family for our right to attend a family she is not attending herself and we don't want to attend. Even cum-face cuz. "Those other bitches will have their kids there," she told me, referring to her sisters. (She is in that long feud with Aunt L and a shorter one with Aunt C). So.... Yeah, a war over a funeral attended by three.
  12. Wouldn't you just jizz on her eggs? If so, sure, why not.
  13. We all had different cures for Galveston tar lol.
  14. one mo and one only https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/netflix-mo-ending-season-2-1235297854/
  15. Me too but I am glad McGee ended it when she wanted to instead of dragging it out for the fuck ever like we tend to do over here. The ending is perfect.
  16. And delivers one of my favorite lines in the whole series
  17. Porn hub would be out of business if they only showed the beautiful people. We'd get so sick of the few beautiful people, we'd start to think ugly people were hot. The Power of Strange is very real
  18. Oh I know it's a fantasy...Barring a collapse and rebuild of American society as a whole it won't happen. But maybe that's more likely than the Texans in a Super Bowl
  19. Yeah there does seem to be a long-held belief in that society to allow the working class to get absolutely obliterated, beat the fuck out of each other and fuck up whole town centers ever Saturday.....It is fucking nuts. I attended a couple of matches with my ex-brother-in-law and fairly meaningless, non-rival games had the off-field intensity of the Red River Shootout times ten. But the more I think about it, the more I believe we should have promotion and relegation here. NFL at the top, then USFL, then XFL, and after that you get sent to the increasingly professionalized college ranks. If this were in place since the Texans came around they would probably be competing with Rice in whatever conference they are in these days. Tl; dr Fuck the McNairs, viva Luv Ya Blue
  20. LaVergne is a boring exurb on the old rail line between Nashville and, well...
  21. Cops cutting corners and lying criminals...twin themes here. Decades back I had a temp gig as a mail clerk at British Telecom in Shite Town, England. (Preston) Anyway I had this weird co-worker who always seemed a little off. One time we were alone on the elevator with our little carts of mail and memos and such and out of nowhere he asked me if it was common in America to have one undercover cop come out of nowhere, hand you a healthy-size little sack of cocaine, vanish, and then for a small squad of cops to arrive out of nowhere and arrest you for said cocaine. He admitted this had happened to him. I told him he was being "stitched up," as they say over there, and a few days later I found out why through the grapevine: dude was strongly suspected of being a chronic flasher of little girls. The cops couldn't get him for that for some reason, so they clownishly set him up to take a serious drug rap. Dunno how it turned out -- my temp gig ended and I moved back to America a few months later, but that story illustrates both sides of the system to me.
  22. I sometimes follow the English Premier League, and wow, yesterday couldn't have been more of a lesson in how we American sports fans have just been conditioned to accept shit for decades on end while they just....don't over there. Not even a little bit. Yesterday the game I saw pitted Southampton vs Everton, one of the two major clubs in Liverpool, and one with a very proud history. Unfortunately for them, they have sucked of late, so much so that they are in danger of getting relegated to the next league down the pecking order of English soccer. And the fans are not accepting that. Police had to warn the entire ownership group to stay away from the stadium because they had received word of credible threats to their safety. The game went on and Everton choked away a lead and lost to "the Saints," and most of the fans stayed in the stands, tossing lit flares on to the field and chanting for the downfall of the ownership group. The announcers were saying they had planned that protest to go on whether Everton won or lost... So...two things. In a more sensible world, the Texans would have long ago been relegated to some lesser football league. Alternatively, the fans would run the McNairs out of town. But over here we are just not wired to think that way so we just pony up for another year of season tickets, year after year, and shit owners like the McNairs know there are no consequences for their ineptitude and the clownshow rolls for decades.
  23. We need to address the demand as well as the supply. Why do so many of our kids want to get so fucked up? Why do they want to experiment now, today, knowing that one little slip could kill them? Yes, teens think they are immortal and do stupid shit but this is different -- they see the consequences all the time and yet continue to tempt fate. Any more than that would veer deep into CR so I will avoid it here, but we have a generation of affluent kids in genuine despair and we need to figure out why and how to alleviate that.
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