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Tired Horn

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Everything posted by Tired Horn

  1. They didn't lose a whole team. Aggies never lose. The team just ran out of shits to give.
  2. You can take the Aggie out of the shithole, but you can't take the shithole out of the Aggie.
  3. I don't think The Return to Junction is a conscious choice. It's just one of the three Ur-myths of Aggiedom that they constantly return to in their futile attempts to fathom reality. Most fans of even good teams know that, when all is said and done, it's just a football team and will have its ups and downs. But the Aggie football team is the repository for their collective sense of self. Sort of like an incompetent, hick Borg cube that strikes fear in the hearts of no one. So they are always seen though the lens of one of three Ur-myths. 1. The Flagship - When they have an okay run, they are THE program in Texas, always have been, and you better believe the sleeping giant has awakened. 2. Fucking Sips - When they are in a slump, everything is somehow the fault of Texas, the Sauron of mass media and the bringer of all things evil in life. (Note: can momentarily includes some co-font of evil if another program is denying them their rightful place in the sun, but they will always return to their North Star of hatred--Texas.) 3. The Junction Boys - When they are momentarily exhausted and can't face up to any more of their own futility, they're off amassing a lunch-pail collection of blue collar, tough, tough, TOUGH, fire-breathing junkyard dogs that soooooooooo fucking get A&M they are going to be unstoppable under Coach (Fill in the Blank). Fear the sleeping giant, you fucking sips! The transitions can also be quite abrupt. For example, they often start a season as The Flagship, end it as Fucking Sips, then whipsaw back into The Junction Boys. The 2%ers can't take over that shit hole soon enough.
  4. That's the basic Aggie problem in a nutshell. They're so convinced that they're great that they need immediate vindication. It's not enough that averaging 8-4 over the years makes you a pretty decent team, or that every team has down years from time to time, or that this is Elko's first year in a bit of a rebuild. They so desperately crave affirmation of their greatness that they try to will it into being based on nothing but hopium. Every school has its overly hopeful fans, but Aggie takes it to a whole other level of psychosis. So yeah, Jimbo knew the right chicken to pluck.
  5. “It is not the Aggie spirit to accept defeat." Why not? They've had plenty of practice. AGGIE BONFIRE MUST CONTINUE AND DAMN THE TORPEDOES. . . . there must be a continuation of Aggie Bonfires, even if it doesn’t seem wise.” The darkest Aggie joke I've ever heard: Q: How many Aggies does it take to build a Bonfire? A: It depends. How many are you looking to get rid of? I used to think that was too dark. But for assholes like this "Aggie Dad," it seems like a simple truth. I mean, I certainly sympathize with the families who needlessly lost loved ones for a fucking football game, but its the hidebound Aggie mentality that caused that loss that really needs to be burned to the ground.
  6. As I recall, some of their engineering faculty tried to raise concerns to no avail. Cuz it's a cult, you know. And who knows more about structural safety anyway--an engineer or some bellowing redass AG polishing up his management skills for that sweet "insurance salesman in Katy" gig?
  7. It would be pathetic beyond words if they actually hire a construction company to build a bonfire on campus and then pretend it's the return of their "glorious" tradition. So, they have to be seriously considering it since they never pass up the opportunity to be clueless ass clowns. And there's no other way for this to happen given legal liability concerns if they sacrifice more students to the pagan god of Bonfire. The whole thing would be laughable if 12 students hadn't died for a fucking football game. And the ass clowns are proud of that.
  8. Don't worry. Jerry's on it. Give him another 20 years ad he'll have it all ironed out.
  9. I don't think we're Nebraska. I mean, they've just run into the geographic, financial and cultural limitations of Nebraska as a state at a time in college football's evolution when those things matter a lot. They can still have some decent 8 and 9-win seasons if they get their act together, but they're no longer a serious candidate for a national title based on things out of their control. Dallas, on the other hand, is the 9th largest city in the US, the franchise is the most valuable in all of sports, with a television cache that admittedly defies rational explanation after all these years, has resources and some sharp-looking uniforms, and has actually assembled a decently stocked roster. There's no reason the Cowboys shouldn't be at least in play for a Super Bowl every now and then save the egomaniacal cancer running the show. In short, Nebraska is now facing the real-life consequences of being Nebraska. The Dallas Cowboys management is just fucking the team up and has been for almost three decades.
  10. And then a little more. I'm so glad we kept this shit-stain out of the Rose Bowl. And if we're going to be delusional assholes, I'd prefer to think his one Sper Bowl win was a false flag operation. He's gone from an exceptional quarterback to a complete jackass. His smug self-regard is so immense and so impervious to reality that it could be a renewable energy source. Stick a plug in his ass and let him light New York for a week.
  11. Pay attention. A&M NEVER loses. They just run out of fucking time. Even the infamous 77-0 OU game wasn't a loss. If those cowardly Sooners had been forced to stay on the field things would have been different. Sure, it might have been 300-0 by the next day, but the Sooners just don't have the commitment of the fearless and stupid Aggies. Ultimately, they'd have wimped out and gone home . And then the Aggies would romp.
  12. Or as Tom would put it: "Winning against Maryland is hard."
  13. I guess Jimbo used fake, virtual coaching. Maybe after COVID he just coached remotely. All those times you thought you saw him at a game, it was really just a hologram. The real Jimbo was drunk at home in his underwear wallowing in his play sheets. It's a miracle those fine young Aggies won any games under such a degenerate.
  14. Uh, no. And on second thought, I think we'll go with FUCK NO! Everyone okay with that?
  15. I did read an article claiming that Texas A&M ruined the jalapeno pepper. At least China didn't do that. Direct Quote: "DeWitt, writing in his solo book Chile Peppers: A Global History, says TAM became widespread in Texas after its introduction. “It was much milder and larger than the traditional jalapeños, and genes of this mild pepper entered the general jalapeño pool. Cross-breeding caused the gene pool to become overall larger and milder.” Since I know you’re wondering who the inventors are: the clue is in the name TAM II. The hot (but also not hot) new jalapeño is an invention of Texas A&M University. Yes, Aggies took the spice out of life." Here’s Why Jalapeño Peppers Are Less Spicy Than Ever
  16. So, you're saying that RC doesn't exactly have his finger on the pulse of 2024 culture? Hmmm... I think Aggie would respond that it's the kids who are wrong.
  17. Cuz God knows Bryan/College Station is the ultimate teenage dream and the brutally simplistic block style buildings of Texas A&M are a wonder to behold. Truly the crown jewel of East Texas.
  18. That gives him too much credit. Charlie is just a low rent avatar of karma.
  19. Just blow up the owner. Get rid of the Jerry tumor, and the base team is good enough to work with.
  20. Seems an obvious point, but seeing it stated so succinctly does wonders for my PTSD. Thanks.
  21. Here, here! Natty is the most pathetically dumb sounding thing possible. It reeks of amateurish buffoonery lacking any semblance of self awareness.
  22. This, in a nutshell, is your problem. Most NFL owners don't even talk after a loss. They certainly don't gather reporters around to watch them blubber nonsense like some Hemingway satire called "The Old Jackass and Yet Another Lost Football game." Almost anyone has more sense than that. But Jerry simply cannot help himself--he's a camera-seeking missile. His ability to do this is sooooo much more important to him than the fate of his team on the field, and it always will be.
  23. I don't think that's actually true. It's close, but it's missing one thing. Jerry wants to win more than anyone so long as he can take the credit for it. He doesn't want to win a Super Bowl if the price is a coach who can take a substantial part of the credit. And that's why we're stuck in Groundhog Day. It all comes back to Jerry's malign influence. In their best playoff losses, they're just that critical bit off, like a person with an abnormal heartbeat. In their worst playoff losses, they have no heart or real work ethic. After three decades of Jerry's World, all you can really do is just laugh it off.
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