Indeed! but like the old GI Joe saying, knowing is half the battle. When we know we have that disease, it's robbed of a LOT (not nearly all, but a lot) of its power over us. I realized it again this morning, thinking about a company happy hour we're having tonight. My first thought, the alcoholic thought, was "oh GOD, poor me, I have to go meet a bunch of bright happy young people and chit chat for an hour, why am I so put upon, can't I get out of this, can't I make up some bullshit story and not go?"
My alcoholic brain would have taken and run with that pity party three years ago. In fact it did, and that's how I ended up in an Uber back to my hotel to guzzle Skol vodka out of a plastic Traveler alone with HBO blaring in the background, leaving a team party of 30 people in a luxury box at Fenway going "where'd Swandered go, have you seen him?"
This morning my second thought was to tell those thoughts to shut the fuck up and my action on the matter will be to suit up and show up.
[quote]That's always a fun exercise that results in absolute humility. [/quote]
I never would have thought of it in those terms but fuck yes it does. The further I get from May of 2018, the more it can feel like something I saw in a movie, or something that happened to someone else. I don't particularly LIKE immersing myself in remembering the misery that brought me to detox and rehab but it's critical to stay in touch with that end of the drinking spectrum, because it helps keep perspective on where one drink will take me.