Just checking in gents to say still fucking up. I'm supposed to have a ,meeting to plead for my job tomorrow morning, and decided to not even go. I'm checked out and gonna be drinking all night even more anyways. Don't know how I'l afford life anymore, but I've lost about all my support anyways from family at this point and my fiancee who im now single from. Rock bottom may not be much further. Not to sounds like a pity party, not dead though so got that going for me. I know the road can definitely get off track compeltely here, I've seen so many examples of this shit, and I've fucking fallen into the exact same trap. It's like I have moments of clarity and know what to do, then say "alright, lets have one last drink/celebrate this new great plan" and I end up with nothing but wanting more booze. This time there's nothing left to turn to, to give me that boost. I feel like I've pushed the envelope so much, everyone just sees a failure fuckup. What a shitty fucking feeling. I used to think I never cared what family thought of me, and my finacee was oblivious....and I was a functional alcoholic. What a delusion I was living.