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Darth Tron

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by Darth Tron

  1. That's Ben "Led the 2021 Longhorns in sacks" Davis you're talking about, sir.
  2. Texas 42 Throatshitters 24 Penis: 22-43 325 yds, 2 TDs and 2 picks
  3. Some interesting disconnects between Vegas lines and pick percentages.
  4. Or maybe Kirby Smart is as big a dickhead as he looks?
  5. The Elk emerged from his Honda Civic like Ace Ventura from a rhino's vagina. As he thundered to the curb the car leapt into the air, relieved of its burden. Sweatily, he lumbered towards the door. As the doorbell rang, time slowed. Inside the home a family sat down to Sunday dinner. Suddenly a chill ran through the air as tremors from the porch resonated through the home. "Goddamnit!" exclaimed the father. "Not this fucker again. I'll handle it, honey." As he approached the door he could hear the familiar wheezing, not unlike a beached whale. It enraged him. Gathering his anger he opened the door. "You motherfucker! I told you the past 17 times. I AM NOT GOING TO SHARE MY HAM SUPPLIER WITH YOU. Now go to hell, asshole!" "Please Geoff, I need it. The grocer only carries so much ham." "GET THE FUCK OFF MY PORCH!" The door slammed shut. Geoff went back to his ham dinner. The Elk waddled back to his Honda in defeat. In every way like a noble stag defeated by a superior specimen, except for the nobility and superiority. Quite the opposite, in fact. "Next time, Mike. Next time I'll get that ham," he thought to himself. The Civic groaned under the weight as it pulled into the night.
  6. Just going off the screenshots in this thread, chief. Don’t have the time/inclination/give a fuck to bother scoping out whatever internet hovel you crawled out of. All I know is you’re shitting up our thread with sophomoric insults and then going back to brag to your jerkoff friends about how sensitive we are, evidently missing the numerous hints and outright declarations that while shit talking is encouraged here your particular brand is abrasive and off putting.
  7. This Mouthshit person seems to be a respected individual in their culture. They appear to eagerly await his fantastical reports of strange sights and tales from foreign lands. Like Marco Polo and shit.
  8. In and paid!
  9. Cardale Jones put up 972 points in his conference championship.
  10. I remember watching the start of the game on the TV at home. Deep pass to Sloan Thomas on the first possession. Punched it in. Asskicking initiated. Then I hopped in the car to drive about an hour and half or so to a party where there would be drugs and sluts. I was so pumped. Ran into the house to check on the assbeating status. Became immediately sad. Ingested drugs, didn't bang a slut. Worst night ever.
  11. If you guys have watched the committee basically disregard our resume all year and still think we somehow won’t get fucked then I don’t know what to tell you. A Louisville win + chalk elsewhere SHOULD get us in but I won’t be surprised if it doesn’t.
  12. I don't know how the committee will ultimately lean. No one truly does. I do know that this school of absolute certainty that there is no way the committee would possibly screw Texas is just asking for fate to burn them. Do these schools in these scenarios deserve to get into the playoff ahead of us? I don't think so. The stated criteria don't say so. Past indicators don't give precedent for it. But I've followed Texas football long enough to know that if the football gods have an inch to screw us, they will take a mile. So I wouldn't be so damn certain that there is absolutely no way we get left out in any scenario. That's what happens when you blow a 4th quarter lead against your rival.
  13. This time we’re in their way and we’re going to stomp those cheating bastards into the ground.
  14. From Cibolo there was a burnt orange sunrise this morning. Positive omen. The fates have spoken.
  15. Now I’m going to read all of his posts with this character in mind.
  16. Username, yada yada yada…
  17. Texas 42 Dickholes 13 589 combined passing yds
  18. Just dropped in to get the general temperature. We seem to be in agreement. 1. Refs are going to bone us 2. Sark is high on his own farts 3. Oline is a liability The fix is in, better get our shit together.
  19. Hook ‘em!
  20. Texas 31 Dickholes 28 Total yds 398
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