This post is in no way meant in a negative way. But reading just two of your posts makes me think that you have some serious issues to work through. It also seems that you will have a not so great chance of succeeding if it is you trying to work out these things yourself.
Therapy can be truly awesomely helpful to so many people. A great therapist will listen to you and you both can figure out why you are thinking and acting the way you do - and more importantly give you some substantive tools to better your relationships with your kids. If nothing else, it will also give you greater insight on how to accept your current situation if it won’t change anytime soon.
Your inclination to just run away is understandable, but possibly that is your go-to move in dealing with conflict that has led to your relationship with your kids. I get along fine with my two kids who are in their 30s, but there is no force on earth that will make them respond to me in a timely manner. I get it. I accept it. But it still chaps my ass. I guarantee you that it does not mean they do not love me and care for me. It is just a thing that I’ve grown to accept and not feel chapped about.
I am not at all qualified to give advice, but I am qualified to say you should consider counseling for you…and maybe family counseling in future if you sell it as wanting a good relationship and NOT using it to support any side in a blame game.
You may have to turn the other cheek for a while until your kids grow up more and realize that your actions and more importantly your intentions were always out of love and to help them. And if you fucked up some, a sincere “I’m sorry” can be world altering