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troph

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by troph

  1. not gay if you don't actually touch one, not sure if you stare at one though, I guess that depends on if your mouth waters.
  2. there is a massive divide here between cisgender heterosexual "normative" expectations for relationships and LGBTQ+ queer culture. Look, gay men, lesbians, queer, trans, non-binary, all of the above... we had to give the Johnny Cash finger to the whole fucking world to be who we are in some degree or another. There's not one single fucking "normative" expectation that isn't questioned by queer culture. now many want to be the gay huxtables. but most don't give a shit. I think you first have to bifurcate these two major cultures, then you can discuss open relationships in each culture (or subcultures). the conversations will go in wildly different directions, wildly.
  3. I'd call living waters in RR. I don't know with it being mostly a warm water creek and it's Jan/Feb, but I usually wait until the next weekend so this weekend? that's just a guess.
  4. Talk about bringing brown trout back to the guad, maybe a strain that’s more tolerant to warmer temps.
  5. this thread hurts my head almost as much as having an open relationship with my ex.
  6. as long as you keep pam cumming I think you'll do just fine. and btw, I think most of us are in your shoes, maybe not the same feet but shoes. having a second love interest sounds utterly exhausting. she started it. j/k sorta. don't make your partner feel like shit and unworthy and maybe it doesn't have to go that way. when we started the open relationship, I worked my ass off to make her life better, her emotional experience more secure. But I also new that (1) I'd quickly find someone, I already was getting hit on, and (2) it would be rough for my then wife, sooooooo I did what thoughtful people do, I thought about what effect it would have on her and I planned around that to make it better for her. Hell I did that in transition too. I went from a dick face to an all star partner, parent, etc. because of everyone's sacrifice for me I had an obligation to make it better for everyone else. Heck, in divorce I said the same thing, if I'm going to do this, I have to make it better for my kids. She had no ability to focus on the others around her. She told me I wasn't good enough and that she was going to do this. wtf do you do? I think that's how most open relationships go. Ignore the penthouse progressive trans story and just look at a selfish partner that said "I'm going to do this, I don't care what you think." and ask, how the fuck does that work? an open relationship can work if as KY states, it starts that way and there is a ton of communication and thoughtfulness. Ironically, the selfish act of getting your sexual needs met by others REQUIRES you be more selfless than before. If you are naturally selfish, it will not work. 100% failure rate. and I think most who ask for open are selfish to begin with, hence the widespread failure rate.
  7. gay men actually are the ones that have it down to a science. getting off is like going to the gym. many have gym buddies and they have their husband or partner. two totally different things. it kinda makes sense, why jerk off when you can walk outside find another man to give you a blow job, reciprocate and then finish your set. I'm sure it's more complicated than that, but the friends we have that have talked about it make it sound like what's the big deal? it's easy.
  8. we have a lesbian couple friend, middle aged women, but real life attractive. I guess not much different than me and my wife. not overly feminine, a bit tomboyish but can put clean up real nice, put on make up and walk in a room and turn some heads, especially the lesbians in the room. anyway, they have two kids, one special needs, life is hard. covid moved them to Miami for outdoors, and it got a little stir crazy and stressful with special needs and heck it's Miami, so they opened their relationship. I explained I had some experience and I think ENM is really, really hard. My wife and I said, like Aqua if it's a need that one won't give that's ok but actual romantic relationships? thread that needle if you can, but expect one of the two in the couple to have their heart redirect to another person. the one I actually like the most looked at me and said "we've been doing this for a while now, I think we know what we are doing." Well, less than 6 months later, her love interest wanted more, she couldn't give it (divorce wasn't imminent), so they broke up. The other wife was in a relationship that was stable ... for now (her love interest was actually cheating unbeknownst to the unknowing wife). Lots of work travel, non-working wife that's cheating, working wife that's unknowing is a busy uh, lawyer. Easy to hide, so stable, for now. Well now the couple is uneven. One in a "stable" outside relationship. The other heartbroken. Shit gets nasty, divorce starts about 6-12 months later. They are still in proceedings a year later. ENM is HARD.
  9. well manicured hands can over come feet. a smart woman knows hereditary issues versus neglect.
  10. that's what my ex wanted, in fact once she said two things to me only days apart - first, "you get to be you, now I get to be me." and second, she said, "look this is perfect, you make the money, you're my best friend, I trust you with our kids, and now I can pursue a relationship with someone else without worrying about those other things." She had NO IDEA that she would suck at it and I'd knock it out of the park. she forgot in a competition, I don't lose. She made me feel like shit and I had something to prove, that I was a bonafide catch. I even told her this was going to end poorly for her. She wouldn't listen. Look, I get it, I changed the deal. and for that I was 100% open to ENM done right but I was NOT going to be emotionally tortured by it. I'll never forget when I hooked up with my gf at the time, she said "I'm so glad you found her. she's so cool and not a freaky weirdo." or something like that. besides not knowing what a freaky wierdo meant (I'm pretty sure she meant a visibly queer/trans/non-traditional lesbian), I thought, what the fuck did you think I'd snag, and woman with shitty feet?
  11. I've slapped my woman's ass in the kitchen and have suggested she do the same to me. it's like a little caramel syrup on your vanilla ice cream, I'm certainly not in to leather and chains and shit. my wife joked if you need that, you can go get it. I'm like nah, I'm good, just slap my ass in the kitchen every now and again on the way to the bedroom and we're good. she's not really gotten the message that being objectified in a positive relationship is great and an ass slap in the kitchen is an awesome signal of objectification and possession, but she occasionally does it, and it's like instant turn on. the point though, is we both would allow extra outside that if it's necessary and there would be no jealousy. I can get a little flirty with men, and she's seen men respond to me in ways they don't fully understand and she's given me that hall pass too. I've said, yeah no I'm good, and I am good. I enjoy the positive banter with dudes but that's about it. on the flip side, her only hall pass is if we stop having regular sex, I guess that's mine too but like I said I'll probably just go fishing. All of that to say, I think getting what you need elsewhere with permission where the other is uninterested is actually more likely to work than ENM. I think ENM is extremely, extremely difficult.
  12. I'm not into guys that much, I tried it once it was fun, but I know how to judge the quality of a man, don't ask me how. feet is an easy tell. easily forgotten but often on display to see, a man who takes care of his feet is thoughtful, considerate, refined, probably likes nice things, has time for things that matter but are easily postponed or delayed. If I'm important, I don't want to be put in the not urgent box all the time. if he takes care of his feet, he'll take care of his woman.
  13. I’m gonna say racist shit but that’s not who I am.
  14. “Where’s the auction block? I want to be the first overall pick.” Given the weight and severity of the subject matter those guys might be the funniest dudes ever. don’t care how old that clip is it’s awesome.
  15. I took inventory and determined it was impossible under the circumstances I was in. Of course I was then blamed for my selfishness. Entitlement, projection, gas lighting, and inability to be wrong are hallmark traits of a human wholly and completely unable to manage an open relationship. for that reason, I’m out.
  16. 100% and as a sexual minority routinely targeted for horrific discrimination once exposed I have zero intention of being in the health care system without a loyal fierce advocate and I’m not putting that on my kids. I’m dying first or I’m dying on my terms out side the system.
  17. Neither of us want to divorce ever again, we both have sex as a basic requirement and we have said look, let’s just talk if we aren’t meeting each others needs let’s not blow this up like every other two woman couple and cheat and divorce. So in theory an open relationship is always on the table for us, but as long as we have sex a few times a month we are good. At this point though, it would take a lot to convince me to find someone else even if the sex slowed way down. Another relationship just sounds awful honestly. If we don’t have enough sex I’ll just go fishing more.
  18. I’ll add, I may be lazy and not be interested in doing more so I’ll stick with one woman, plus honestly at nearly 50 I’m slowing down and strange just isn’t what I want, I want stable, boring, abiding, reliable love with sex reliably occurring and some travel to spice it up.
  19. Karmas a bitch or a fun time new wife. We all get to decide. I don’t have an issue with ENM, I think my story highlights some of the bs that people fail to realize when they start. First you can’t cheat and then ask, even if your cheating is basically justified. And if you’re going to do this, it has to be better for everyone. ENM requires a higher level of communication and consideration, and you should do more for your primary as gratitude for working through a more complex sexual relationship. Anyway that was my theory, I could do it with my ex but she was not going to come close to returning the favor and was going to use and abuse my generosity so fuck that, I didn’t want to risk losing what I had found so boring traditional monogamy is where I landed with a better fit.
  20. I have limited experience here. My ex wanted an open relationship when I transitioned before we divorced. She had a crush on a guy and she was on the slow burn train to love, she was infatuated and I caught her pursuing him. So she says she wants an open relationship, sex and romance with a guy and sex, romance, family and life partnership with me. Okay I guess. honestly I wasn’t a fan but I tried. I was frankly embarrassed by what a tool her love interest was, just a dweeb. He had terrible feet and wasn’t that good looking. He was shy, a hermit, super smart but whatever no social skills at all. So it was my turn. I found a hot lesbian, skinnier, better income, cool, easy going and DTF. We fucked. My ex asked “you’ve already found someone?” And I was like, “yeah.” She was kinda pissed that the trans woman had game. Sorry not sorry. anyway, she finally got this schmuck’s attention and they went to Houston to get his passport renewed and hoteled up. I was like fuck that, my new love interest and I went to Tulum the same weekend. She had sex in a dumpy Houston hotel. I fucked on the beach, went off shore fishing with her and walked the streets of Cozumel in the rain holding hands looking for a killer hole in the wall dinner spot. I got home, she got home, we kept doing this for a few more weeks including designated nights we didn’t have to come home. When I had my night away I bought her flowers so she had them to look at while I was fucking my girlfriend, I gave her a hug she cried it out I listened and said it would be ok. When it was her night she just left. We were fighting a lot, she was secretive I was not. She felt entitled, I felt like I needed to make it better for everyone. In the end I really didn’t think she had what it takes to make non monogamy work. I did not think she would put in the effort. We went to counseling and she proved my suspicions, I owed her this and she was entitled to do whatever she wanted my feelings be damned. To a degree ok I changed shit. But no respect, no consideration, just deal with it. All I wanted was assurances she would engage in the basic known requirements for a successful open relationship - she was like fuck that, you do you and I’ll do me. i had a hot girlfriend now and I thought to hell with this and asked for a divorce. im now happily married to her and my ex is on boy friend number 2 I guess fuck if I know, don’t care.
  21. I draw the line at Barry switzer in an analyst role, that happens I’m out. Of course sark learned the quick way stoops bros are no fucking way. It’s been that way since the fucking freedom bowl. We don’t eat bags of dicks, they do, some of us may suck them but that’s different. There is a world of difference between a cocksucker and a cockgobbler. Trust sark, now that he knows stoops is a cockgobbler.
  22. he looks like a roided aggy, but @DougO said he's starting to look like a punk, what's that all about?
  23. That’s triple coupons. Analog. Sunday paper. Scissors, don’t get excited not lesbian scissors, old fat grandma scissors but don’t use her fabric scissors she’ll rip your face off. Now get to cutting.
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