So you were in a way reinforced by professionals that you could drink normally even though you knew you were an alcoholic, or you were still on that proverbial fence that we've all experienced of "I'm sure I can just have a few, let me try that just one more time"?
I have considered that digging too deep might not be completely beneficial and could backfire like it did with you, but I'm just in that place right now. I might be different than you were at that time, in that I am certain that I can't drink normally ever again. I know exactly what will happen if I attempt that. It took me, and you, and probably every one of us with this addiction many tries to come to that realization, but I am there, which is good.
I also, again probably like most of us, have a tendency to go all in on things, so maybe I need to pump the brakes for a bit and let the happiness come to me, rather than seeking it out. Because I am very happy right now without the booze. Happier than I have been since I can remember. So something is clicking and going right and I do know and appreciate what you and Reagan say about treading carefully on that. I'm also just a year into this, so I need to temper the desire to get back all the wasted years right away.
Those are gone. Can't do anything but move ahead and cherish the time that's left and not worry about the time that's gone.