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Spaulding Smails

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Everything posted by Spaulding Smails

  1. Friend of mine took his wife and kids to Port Royale in Port Aransas years ago. His son was maybe 4 at the time. He was sitting by the pool nursing a beer when his son came up to him and said he had to pee. He didn't want to get up, so he told him to just pee in the pool. His kid ran off towards the pool. A few minutes later, he glanced over, and sees his kid standing on the coping of the pool, pants around his ankles, pissing into the pool. Gotta be more detailed with directions.
  2. When I was 15 and a sophomore in HS, I went to a party with a few friends from my baseball team. There were four of us. Me, two juniors and a senior. The senior drove. All three of them got hammered, and I didn't drink at all. Not a drop. We left around midnight, and I realized that all three of the licensed drivers were too drunk to get behind the wheel. So, being a responsible young man with a learner's permit, I deduced that, as long as the 18 year old was in the passenger seat, and I was driving, I wasn't breaking any laws. Which was kind of true, I suppose. About half way through the 30 min drive back to my buddy's house, the senior buddy of mine had to piss. He said he couldn't make it to the convenience store let alone all the way home. So, I turned into a brand new neighborhood that was under construction. He piled out, walked about 20 yards and took a piss. Ten seconds later, red and blue lights are flashing in my rearview mirror. Fuck. Cop shines his spotlight on the car then on my buddy. Cop: "Son, what are you doing?" Buddy: "I'm taking a piss, Officer." Cop: "Why aren't you using the restroom?" Buddy: "Sorry, Officer. I couldn't make it to the store." Cop: "But why aren't you using the restroom?" Buddy: "Excuse me. I guess I don't understand..." Cop <shifts his spotlight to the portable toilet 10 feet to the right>: "Son, you're pissing right next to a port-a-potty. Why didn't you piss in there instead of pissing on the ground?" He asked us all a few questions and asked for my ID. I gave him my learner's permit and told him the story. He never doubted it for a minute. He actually thanked me but said next time someone should call a parent to pick us up. I told him where we were headed, and he let us go on about our way home.
  3. It wouldn't have been out of the realm of possibilities. And, I left out the part where they were broken into twice at the end of the lease by a thief who only stole the panties of all four roommates. And the raccoon that ended up in the kitchen via a hole in the floor behind the cabinets.
  4. When I was a senior on the 40 acres, my GF (now wife) lived in a shitty old house that was duplex converted to a 4-bedroom house in West Campus. The pier and beam house was so out of level that, if you picked up your feet when you were sitting in a rolling chair, you'd start to roll downhill across the room. I was sitting on the couch one day when her roommate walked through the living room towards the kitchen. At the perfect moment in time, the globe from the wobbly-ass ceiling fan fell and hit her square in the head. You could've tried to plan it for a week and never achieved that level of synchrony. It shattered, and a Dorito-sized shard of glass was sticking out of the crown of her head perfectly vertically. She wasn't hurt... just shell-shocked and a bit disoriented. I was laughing so hard that I physically couldn't help her. I sat there for five minutes laughing my ass off until my sides hurt. I see her every few years or so, and that story comes up every damn time. Physics makes for some excellent humor occasionally.
  5. After 4+ years of jokingly referring to my yard as my "fourth child", we sold our house last summer. I miss having a yard. Big time. Been following this guy on IG. Worth a follow. Pretty impressive. https://www.instagram.com/lawndadofficial/?hl=en
  6. <CSB> Gary Plouche worked for my dad at the time this shit went down. <CSB>
  7. I'm in the exact same boat. Planning on a quick trip to the ranch in the next few weeks to night hunt piggies and sight in the new rifle. 110* temps be damned.
  8. Got it. Thanks. I've seen his ads in a lot of DU / CCA stuff. Seems to be the frontrunner at this point.
  9. Can you share which outfitter you went with? My son has three buddies who are all going into their freshman year of HS in the fall, and all four dads have already been talking about taking the boys down to Argentina when they graduate from high school. Probably going to start planning in a year or two. Appreciate the write up and info on cost.
  10. I think this is the recipe we used last year. Scroll to the bottom to skip the reminiscent stories of sister Linda and Aunt Marge and eating jars of pickles while summering in Vermont or whatever these bloggers talk about. https://www.foodiewithfamily.com/homemade-claussen-knock-off-pickles/ Pretty easy and turned out great.
  11. If my maths are correct, that means nearly 5% of the county's population got arrested all at once.
  12. Love the exterior lines and the color. Where is she located? Post some details on size, power, etc.
  13. I've been crazy busy with work and our new house for the last several months. Barely hunted this fall but my son and I took a doe each for the freezer. Two weeks ago, I had to head to Kerrville to pick up a new BBQ pit and decided to stay the night at the ranch. It was incredibly dry and the 1" of rain we received last week up there was the first measurable rainfall since October. We have two cisterns on the property, so at least they're getting some water. We try to feed alfalfa during the spring as well, and we've ramped that up some. But, it was sad looking. Not a wildflower in site. Looked like the dead of winter. The whitetail I saw seemed frail and lethargic. We've seen more hogs than usual on the game cam, so I figured I'd climb in a stand and see what I could see for an evening hunt, then head out early the next morning back to work. About 7:30, this donkey walked out. Tipped out full velvet. 32" main beams and 15" brow tines. Thicc mass at the bases. 180 lbs with his snout resting in the gravel... my A-frame wasn't tall enough to get him completely off the ground. I was so ill-prepared. I didn't have an ice chest with me. Gutted and hung him in the walk-in cooler overnight then flung him in the bed of the truck first thing the next morning with two bags of ice in the body cavity. Ended up skinning and quartering him when I got home the next morning. Meat on ice and hide to the taxidermist by 11 AM. Not the morning I had planned, but made it work. Should be a really cool mount.
  14. I've already thought about this. Probably headed to the ranch (Kimble County) and going to Airbnb my house for a jillion dollars. Not a huge astronomy nerd, but I am definitely looking forward to this.
  15. This is what I've used. Works great and is easy to replace. https://www.homedepot.com/p/Vigoro-14-ft-x-14-ft-Polypropylene-Bird-Block-Netting-and-Barrier-NMVBB1414/310977979
  16. Crappy pic. Only one I took before putting it in my safe. Will take more once it has glass on it. I'm in the same boat on not sharing rifles with my son. He's a lefty but right-eye dominant so shoots right-handed.
  17. We'll be using a rangefinder on this hunt. I'd like to spend some time this summer once I have the scope on working on shooting at varying distances.
  18. I'm no engineer and I'm about as Libertarian as they come, but that saying that "future wars will be fought over water" is probably pretty darn true. As a voter, I would never vote for an interstate highway system. But, despite its maintenance flaws and all the issues it created (segregation, corruption, environmental impacts), it is one of our country's bright spots and we all benefit from it. Seems like affordable desalination and significant water pipeline infrastructure is something that could turn the tables.
  19. After four months of searching, I finally found a left-handed Browning X-Bolt 300 Win-Mag. Will post pics when I get the glass on it. Still trying to figure out which scope I go with. Leaning towards Swarovski Z5 3.5-18x44. This will be used for elk hunting and potentially a pronghorn hunt in the next few years. Any thoughts?
  20. I believe that's Paula Abdul smack dab in the middle, isn't it?
  21. When we bought our place in Kimble County four years ago, we put in two 10' concrete cisterns. I think they hold about 1000 gal each. We put one just down the hill from the house and a second about 500 yds away. It suuuuucked running the rock saw and PVC for that second tank, but we got it done in one weekend. And, at least we did it when PVC was affordable. Put float valves in each and had cages fabbed to go around the floats so the raccoons and hogs don't mess them up. So much better than hauling water. It's crazy how much having those cisterns on the property has kept the wildlife close.
  22. I played in a buddy's member-guest last weekend. First time in one of those events. Very well organized. Calcutta was HUGE ($123K total in the pot). We finished day 1 T-27 in windy conditions. It was an adjusted Stableford format with quotas and adjustments daily. We were 76-77 net (definitely not gross). Day 2 we absolutely shit the bed. Like abysmal. 88-85 were the net scores. Finished the day in 71st place out of 79. Day 3, we got our shit together. 73-71 net. Won some day money and ended up right in the middle at 41st place. I learned a lot. Really looking forward to playing in another one now that I'm able to play quasi regularly and not out there embarrassing myself.
  23. Call me shocked as well. I thought no way would a Mule hold that. I've had to haul water to my new property while building my house (c'mon PEC, get your shit together so I can turn on my well, dammit!). I started by hauling a single 250g tank in the back of my F350. It squats a bit and I found it easier to fill it completely to the brim to prevent the sloshing. It was kind of a pain to unload it every time with the backhoe, so I ended up getting a second tank and hauling them on my tandem axle trailer.
  24. Rain Bird makes a DIY friendly system available at Home Depot. Super easy to use and install. I had an in-line battery powered timer valve on mine, so it was pretty fool proof. I had a mix of sprayers and drip. I had a big garden (~1200 SF) at my last house, so I had three "zones" that I would control manually with shut-off valves. Because I was coming off a 3/4" water line, I didn't have enough pressure for all three simultaneously, but if you went pure drip, I think you'd get a ton more capacity.
  25. I had a painter that worked for me for a few years. Good guy. Had a few screws loose, though. Too much lacquer I suppose. Before he came to work for me, he had his own painting business. He told me a story about painting the exterior of this really nice craftsman style two-story house in Pemberton Heights. Lots of sanding. Hand painted. He said they were there for weeks. He had a group of Honduran brothers working for him. Anyhow, he said that one of the Hondurans had bubble guts and couldn't make it to the convenience store. Homeowners weren't home, so he dropped trou in the far corner of the backyard and sprayed some party mud. Crisis averted and he went back to work. Evidently, the same dude's up at the very top of the roof sanding the chimney and sees the family dog come sauntering out of the doggie door into the backyard. The dog's sniffing around in the same back corner and ends up rolling around in the Honduran dude's mud pile. Before the guy can slide over the roof and get back down the ladder, the dog's already back through the doggie door and in the house and doing the dog move where they rub up against the wall and the carpet and the furniture. Except the dog's covered in human shit. And smearing it all over the white walls, cream colored carpet and antique furniture. And the door's locked. And the Honduran dude is freaking out. He calls his boss (the guy telling me this story), and he hauls ass over there. Long story longer, he has to wait for the homeowners to get home and explain to them what happened. He said they were surprisingly cool, but he paid to have everything downstairs in the house steam cleaned. Not my story, so no clue how true or accurate it is. But, it's pretty damn funny. And, from this day forward, no matter how small the job, I ALWAYS put a line item in the budget for a portable toilet.
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